Sunday, December 9, 2012

| rintihan hamba-hamba yang kurang memahami

Nobody likes pain,yet pain is a blessing because, no pain no gain right :) - dr hala from the physiology department
Yes, pain is painful. When we lean to humans. Humans who are His creations. When we hope that humans are the source of happiness, and we don't feel contented, then we'll be truly sad. Because the one who we should put our tawakkal on to is Him. Purely Him with no leaning on to.

Pain is ujian. Pain is adjustable. Its either bearable or intolerated.

In faculty, this current module is quite tough. Dealing with thousands of nerves anatomically and physiologically isn't easy. But to this extent, I'm always awed with His creations!

How Allah detailed every single bit, even we have things going on in the body without or concern, like the haemoglobin continuously giving oxygen to organs, or glands secreting necessary humans, at the right time to the right place.

Dan kali ini, menyaksikan, kalam SubhanAllah tidak henti-henti diucapkan oleh para duktur dan dukturah setiap lecture mereka.

Jujur, His creations are beyond the thinker of a slave, thus meningkatkan iman kita dek kerna kesedaran kita yang hanyalah insan yang bernafas dalam jiwa hamba ini.

Now, regarding the pain thingy,

Right now, it is so painful of going through the phase of nafs invasion.

Laziness, ungratefulness or even sadness is painful, and if only we managed to squeeze in alhamdulillah, then, its a blessing from Him.

If the pain is hard, say alhamdulillah
If the pain is beared, say alhamdulillah too.

Currently, the people of Egypt, are going through a lot to be frank. Since their freedom has been suppressed for nearly a century, since the country was too over by Jamal Abdul Nasser up to Hosni Mobarak, no wondered, the end up growing up in a not so well developed country.

Thus, with Dr Morsi currently leading, they are still adapting with this new leader. Changes after changes might be too much for them, but still, they really need to renew everthing from start, because what Dr Morsi is doing them a favour. For the sake of the Deen of these people.

Islam creates civilisation, and Dr Morsi realises that, thus, He wants to apply islam to this country. Kita doakan mereka eh .

I was in Manshiyyah last weekend, and there was a small demonstration on the roads. And from my observation and hearing, I could catch some few phrases which was heart breaking, like

"ikhwan ikhwan bara bara"

which meant something like, 'out you go brotherhood muslim(IM)'

I can't blame them fully for not understanding Dr Morsi's mission, but they could at least give a chance for him to lead several years.

Mana mungkin, untuk bangunkan balik Mesir, mengambil masa sehari mahupun 100 hari? Even Rome wasn't built in one day, thus nothing but patience is the solution.

Key of essentials : patience.

To the people of Egypt, I beg you to be patient, I know I wouldn't understand how you all felt during the oppression by the dictatorship before this. But I believe in Allah, His plans, to you and to me. Isn't that more than enough?

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

red is not for red riding hood

The numbers of martyrs, are increasing, showing no signs of decrement. The israelis are continuosly invading as if they don't even have the idea of backing off.

Numbers will remain numbers, but Allah will count all the blood spatted out form these innocent bodies, the bombs exploding here and there with the most stupid reason of them 'self defending themselves!'

what more do they want?

isn't it enough, already splitting there families apart?

isn't it enough killing them like hunting gazelles in the wood?

we are talking about human beings, not barbie dolls!

The whole world knows the truth, the X files of Gaza itself. How the prolonged invasion by the israelis, must be put to a stop.

wait, does the whole world truly knows?

we share the same bond.

we share the same fikrah.

we share the same aim.

so were one.

if only truth was a tongue, how the cowardice would have been put into justice long ago, punished vividly for their unlawful actions.

The updates of Gaza strip attacks, have never failed to leave a mark in my heart, scrolling down the newsfeed, looking at the people of Gaza, headless, blood smeared all over the body,  how can one just look without feelings.

tearfully, may the dua's reach them, may Allah bless them in all their jihad.

If salahuddin al ayyubi was here, he would be the first soldier to run to Gaza and rescue them, attack back the cowardice and put them to justice.

He would definitely do that.

The problem is, he is not present, but we exist,

thus, even by wishing that, Gaza will be safe, is the least we can do. Who says thats too insignificant?

Hey, Allah counts every single scrape of good deeds.

so, fastabiqul khairat :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

| spell it with me

For every superhero, their mum still packs up lunch boxes for them :)
It has been more than one month I have settled down in Egypt, and it has been more than a month that I have been in my 'new' home with the most awesome people that have ever existed on earth.

Can I just have a minute to pray for them,

Oh Allah, give eternal happiness to us all.
Beit Durrah.

Our home, where my body as well my heart sits.

I used to think that I was always alone in this dusty and noisy land, but I was wrong.

I used to think people cared less about me, but I was wrong.

I used to think, being together was a mess, but I was wrong.

I don't know if my presence had gave a mark in your lives, but your presence changed mine.

Our laughters during dinner, our togetherness in that tiny kitchen, the salams before going out, our tears, and still the list goes on, all mixed up in one,

giving out the word , bahagia

To whom I may concern,

I am blessed to have you guys, a gift from Him I must say :')

Abu Hurayrah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Allah will ask on the 

Day of Judgment: ‘Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? 

Today, - on a day when there is no shade but mine – I shall shade them with My shade.” 

[Sahîh Muslim]

Jazakunallah khair :)

Tuesday, November 13, 2012


Cancer is when unwanted cells take over a region of the body. Unwanted or impossible love is like a cancer of the heart that only God can cure-yasmin mogahed

I hope there is no necrotic cells of the brain due to over usage and deep thinking :D. Tomorrow is my first examination for this semester, and I admit, bluntly, that I have done put such inadequates effort that I myself think so.

Pondering back, neither have I stayed up late nor have I done endless notes.


To leave your hope to Allah, you must insert thorough efforts and du'as first, and then tawakkal, but if you are in a condition of unreadiness, thus that ain't a good sign.

Ain't a good sign indeed.

usaha itu manifestasi tawakkal kita-roomate terchenta
And it made me thinking, what if tomorrow was never a tomorrow, will I be ready? Busied by the examination of the dunya, have I put aside the examination of akhirat?

Thus, my dear fellas, renewing intention is the solution to all. Renew your intentions that what ever you are doing is because of Him.

Incase you die, shortly after this, at least you wouldn't regret, because you did not put aside Allah in your life.

The door to dunya, is by opening the door of akhirah first. Once you have put Allah in your heart, then all your life, your rizq, your feelings will come along. Because, it is He who owns all right ;)

I reread my previous post and sighed again, how sometimes, karma occurs, I'm tested with what I say. And when these tests come,

its Me against Iman,

the battle begins.


Esok exam, pohon doa dari akhawati fillah sekalian :).

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

| Taqwa itu di qalbu.

Taqwa itu di hati. Maka ia terbukti kala sendiri & sepi. Saat godaan menari-nari & diri merasa tiada yang mengawasi. Ya Rabbi, jagalah kami." - Salim A. Fillah 
A great quote diilhamkan oleh such a great creator!

Dalam keadan-keadan sebegini, kata-kata hikmah oleh akhi dan akhawati, sentiasa buat diri ini, tengok skrin macam nak tembus.

Tertusuk sangat.

Baru habis 'menumpang' sharing farah dengan adik-adiknya, dan terimbau kenangan di KTT dulu. Kenangan sewaktu berusrah berbelas-belas di rumah ilani,kown,lyana and ayuni. Ramai benar. Tapi bahagia.

Kini, masing-masing sudah berpecah, bertebaran di muka bumi Allah. Masing-masing mencari keredhaanMu.

Doakan kami, para muharikah.

Sebenarnya, pagi tadi, sewaktu di kuliah, disapa oleh jiran kerusi sebelah, sembang punya sembang, tiba-tiba, dengan takdirnya, dia tanya CGPA or something like that, i couldnt remember precisely but it was related to my results and I answered, that I got 2 point something.

What made me shocked was the response given by that person, because I was expecting something like,

"takpe, tahun ni ada lagi"


"okay la tu"

but unfortunately it was  a

"kenapa, main-main ke?"


dead silence.

hakikatnya, aku tak main-main, tapi aku tak pandai uruskan masa. Kononnya dibusykan dengan usrahlah, tarbiyyahlah, dakwahlah, tapi itu tak menghalang untuk dapat 4 flat kan?


Teringat ada seorang ukhti, memberi amanat sewaktu dirinya belum back for good lagi

"akhawati, kita da'ie pegang amanah sebagai pelajar, janganla aim, jayiid sahaja, atau jayyid jiddan sebagai at least kita, tapi aim mumtaz!"

Dan untuk aim mumtaz, kena usaha macam orang mumtaz.

mengutip kata mutiara dari student representative kami here in Egypt, they say,

Aim for the moon, cause even if you miss, you'll land among the starts.And if you really want jannah, aim for the highest one, Jannatul Firdaus. Even if you miss, you'll land among the 'Adn,Ma'wa, Naeem, Darussalam.
So, sebenarnya, hari-hari adalah tarbiyyah untuk kita, dan kata-kata dari sesiapa pun, adalah wasilah untuk Allah bercakap atau tegur kita, menunjukkan betapa Allah sayangkan kita yang amat.

Moga Allah redha.


Friday, November 2, 2012

| if the pen writes, what the heart speaks.

Pernah terfikir,
aku tiadalah bakat untuk menulis tulisan himmah
dek kerana
lack in vocabs and lack in skills if presenting
dan tak tersampai pulak mesejnya

walaupun sudah berkali-kali mendengar daurah dan usrah
masih belum mampu menghasilkan tulisan yang totally ilmiah,
belum lagi,
mungkin nanti,

tapi terlalu banyak benda dalam diri
yang tidak boleh dipendam
dan harus diluahkan kepada sesuatu,

maka terhasillah blog ini

luahan dan nasihat yang dilontarkan
dari hati yang nan hari cuba mentajdid niat
agar menulis kerna Dia

sewaktu scroll down, dalam newsfeed blog,
i went through a blog that was telling about her writing histories
which lead to what i am writing now.

She quoted,

"Semua penulis akn meninggal. Hanya karyanya yg akan abadi. Maka tulislah sesuatu yg akn mbahagiakan dirimu diakhirat nanti"
- Sayyidina Ali

Jazakillah khair awak ;)

Sometimes, I have to stare too long looking at the blank page
wondering what to write
wondering if my writings are not because of him
wondering if my words tend to be just some mixed up feeling of mine
wondering if i tend to blabber unnecessary things

wondering and keeping on wondering.

Oh Allah,
moga si empunya blog, dan andai ada si pembaca blog,
mendapat redhaNya

| abadi selamanya

Saat pertama tarbiyyah menyapa,
terasa seolah-olah dunia ini, dunia kita dengan Dia,
hanya Kau dan aku.

Terlupa diri pernah di hinggapi dengan noda-noda dosa,
terlupa diri ini, pernah bersahabat dengan geng-geng kongsi 'gelap' itu,
alpa dengan dunia sendiri,
dunia melepaskan tempias nafsu.

Tapi, sejak hidayah dan tarbiyyah datang menjenguk,
seolah-olah seperti orang yang dahaga di beri air,
seolah-olah seperti si lapar di beri makanan,
seolah-olah seperti si rabun diberi penglihatan.

Melengkapi dan mengisi ruang-ruang kosong dalam diri.

Hatiku dibajai dengan iman dan islam,
bercambahlah amal-amal islami itu,
dan hati melompat kegirangan,
bahagia sungguh!

Namun, kadangkala,
sekali lagi, aku disapa dengan mereka,
yang aku kira musuhku,

mereka bertau-talu mengetuk diri yang sedang longlai ini,
menarik diri yang lemah ini,
untuk kembali seperti dulu,
kembali menjadi geng kongsi 'gelap' mereka itu.

aku takut
takut andai, aku tersungkur dalam kegelapan itu kembali,
jatuh dan tergolek
tiada daya untuk bangun kembali!

andai benar-benar berlaku,

panggilah aku kembali,
tariklah aku, agar aku terus menaiki gerabak cinta ini!

Sesungguhnya, Jannah destinasi aku, tiada pitstop!

Ya Allah,
pujuklah aku,
damaikanlah aku,
sesungguhnya aku merinduiMu!

| kalimah redha ini sungguh berat wahai diri!

Kebenaran yang tersusun memang mampu mengalahkan kebatilan yang terabur.
Susunan memang perlu, hatta nombor mahupun abjad, berada di posisi yang ditetapkan.
Lepas A memang BSebelum 10 memang 9
Dan begitula sunatullah.
Kenapa dengan susunan mengkucar kacir emosi.
Memang hati ini berbolak balik,Tapi pengemudi hati ialah iman.
Moga kerana susunan ini, hati ini tetap dan iman mantap.

Begitulah status facebook saya pada hari tetapnya shuffling usrah kami.

Sungguh, sadis dan air mata tidak henti-henti.

Bukanlah ini kali pertama saya melalui sistem penukaran naqibah dan usrah, tapi kali ini, tamparan lagi hebat.

Masih segar diingatan bagaimana,saat di KTT, sentuhan pertama tarbiyyah ke atas diri yang hina ini, waktu kami berbelas-belas orang semuanya yang dalam satu halaqah itu, pada suatu malam,masing-masing mendapat mesej oleh naqibah lama untuk pergi ke sekian sekian tempat pada waktu sekian sekian.

Dan pada waktu itulah, kami sedar, kami sudah dibahagikan kepada dua kumpulan nersama dengan naqibah yang baru, dek kerana naqibah kami di pindahkan kepada halaqah yang lebih memerlukannya.
Halaqah di India.

Dan pada waktu itu, pada awal-awalnya, kami kecewa kerna, naqibah lama langsung tidak pedulikan kami,seolah-olah kami tidak pernah bersama dengannya, lantas kami bersangka-sangka yang bukan-bukan dengan naqibah lama, mungkin diri inilah paling kuat sangkanya itu.

Tapi rupa-rupanya, naqibah lama kami tidak pernah mengaabaikan kami, sentiasa diupdatekan tentang kami dari naqibah baru dan sebenarnya tidak lupa kami langsung!

Astaghfirullah, betapa dengan akhawat, kita tidak sekali-kali boleh berburuk sangka sesama sendiri, sebab dakwah kita, dakwah kasih sayang, bukan dakwah hasad dengki.

Dan orang-orang (Islam) yang datang kemudian daripada mereka (berdoa dengan) berkata: "Wahai Tuhan kami! Ampunkanlah dosa kami dan dosa saudara-saudara kami yang mendahului kami dalam iman, dan janganlah Engkau jadikan dalam hati kami perasaan hasad dengki dan dendam terhadap orang-orang yang beriman. Wahai Tuhan kami! Sesungguhnya Engkau Amat Melimpah Belas Kasihan dan RahmatMu".


Maka setelah, melalui fasa-fasa penukaran naqibah selepas itu, hati ini sudah boleh menahan sebak dan menerimanya dengan macho dan bergaya sekali!

Kini, penukaran usrah dan naqibah berlaku lagi, dan seperti dinyatakan di atas,kali ini, tamparan sangat hebat.

Bila di'qadaya'kan oleh naqibah semalam, bersama linangan air mata, rupa-rupanya saya terletak high expectation yang amat untuk usrah baru. Maka apabila tidak mencapai tahap minimum expectation, mulalah macam-macam perasaan bertarung dalam diri,

kecewa, sedih, frust menonggeng, bengang dan banyak lagi perasaan yang hanya mampu diluahkan dek air mata itu.

Kenapa harus kecewa sebenarnya?
Kenapa harus sedih?
Kenapa harus frust menonggeng?
Kenapa? kenapa? kenapa?

adakah aku selama ini, berada dalam usrah, bukan kerana Dia?

*tunduk sambil berterusan mengalir air matu deras*

Dan apabila saya dikhabarkan saya masih di tahap lama, makin deras air mata berderu laju mengalirnya. Dengan perasaan sebagai seorang 'failure' dan seorang da'ie yang tiada perkembangan, negatif sungguh diri waktu itu.

Naqibah berulang kalinya menyebut tentang bagaimana nilai kita disisi Allah, hanyalah taqwa,tapi entah kenapa hati seolah-olah tidak terusik dengan suntikan semangat malahan berterusan dalam keadaan mengecewakan itu.

sampai ke malamlah diri ini dihanyut dan dibuai perasaan,

seolah-olah tidak redha!


bukankah kena redha dengan Allah, sebab seharusnya , kita redha terhadap Dia dan Dia redha terhadap kita.

Dan kini, perlahan-lahan, diri ini cuba menghadam, yang ini tapisan Allah, dan andai kata, diri ini, masih dibuai arus perdana, maka tertapislah dengan tapisan-tapisan yang lain.

Dan dunia, hanyalah sementara, hanyalah perasaan semata.

Monday, October 29, 2012

| ilaliqa urdunn

The clock is nearly striking midnight, and this reminds me of one saying,

The man who decided to change on the twelfth, died on the eleventh.



Al Asr.

Demi masa.

Indeed, time is the the most obnoxious silent killer than cancer. You cant sense when its getting too late, because you just never know when death might be inviting you.

Well back to the story, I'm almost done, here in Jordan, we feel gloomy, but thats what we think. Since we are leaving the people here, the food and the places.

No more, laughters of Husna Ishkandar, coolness of Una, sly ammu khalid, and tonnes of akhawats who are sweethearts and smiling throughout the brief taaruf.

Its gonna be a while since, I'll be returning to these places biiznillah, Petra, Jerash, Maqamat, Ajloun, Balad Amman and many more, is a beautiful gift from Allah, to me.

And delicious food, such as maklubat, mansaf with laban either the classic laban or the modernized laban.

Series of stories shared throughout the journey in the car rented during the whole trip. I must say, ruhiy sharings and warm hearts welcomed during the ziarah around Irbid and Amman

'alla kulli hal,

It was wonderful.

Allah gave this feeling, and thus, Allah.

Tanah syam, was divided into 4, urdunn, suriya, filastin wa lubnan.

And alhamdulillah, being in either one of it, makes me feel honoured to be living in such a holy land.

How I wish I could be s strong as khaulah, or as sincere as khansa.

These people are epic.:)

Saturday, October 27, 2012

| Raya Sakan :p


Its nearly midnight here in Urdun. Alhandulillah, we managed to visit akhawat's open house near masjid thal's area and near arabella.

Their laughters, smiles, and hugs will really be some meaningful souvenirs that will be brought back home.

As normal human beings, we need to be reminded, over and over again.

Thats what exactly happened today, I was reminded for His Greatness and His Mercy. Indeed I am aware but I tend to forget.

So when it came from an akhawats mouth, it gave a different impact.

Sungguh aku mahu Allah memelukku.
Memujukku dan menghalau kerisauan yang sering singgah di hati kecil ini.

Aku merinduiMu Ya Rabb!

Friday, October 26, 2012

| Takbir bergema di Syams


Salam peeps ;)

I almost forgot, Eid mubarak people and like the arabs say, kullu sanah wa entum tayyib.

Hari ni hari raya la :p

Indeed it is, and alhmadulillah, the atmosphere is slightly different here in Syams.

Therr is something here, and I know I am in need of it.

From batra' until syarie hussani.
From Amman to Aqabah to Irbid.

Now, one of the essential part in Tarbiyyah, is also jaulah.

As I was about, to feel a slight of frustation regarding not able to go to nearly all the places here, I really did some spanking regarding my nafs.

Tajdid niat. Keep on track,

Every breath and inhalation of air, because of Allah.


SubhanaAllah wal hamdulillah walailahaillallah.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

| if he ran, then we sprint

When the guys run like the wind and the ladies walk lazily.

It stirs me.

I feel like being slept and buried to the ground.

I've always heard, dakwah doesnt need us, we need it.Allah doesn't need us, He could do completely fine without us, but we need Allah.We need Him very much.

When I ponder back my ' business' with Allah, my face gets flushed and my ears go hot, I'll tend to stare at the ground and can't seem to bear to look whats in front of me.
This is pure embarassing.

I claim, that I want to settle down in Jannah, I want to meet al-habib, want to.met al-khaliq.

But I keep on sinning, and the jahiliyyah is lingering harder on me.Grasping strong not wanting to let go.

Yet others, seem to be enlightened bu Allah's Deen and seem be soaring in the sky, aiming for paradise.


I have been through so much things yet I have been ungrateful endlessly.

Like I mentioned earlier, I am so thrilled to see many are starting usrah, realising how much vital tarbiyyah is to us. But I am embarassed due to the fact that I do not seem to be helping more or less.

If guys can do it, so can we.
Maybe better?!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Bed of roses

When you are nearly in the verge of death, millions of things will come across your mind.

Your mum and dad,
Your last words,
Your last meal,
Your last deeds.

Death always knocks on our door, its either we greet it as the guest of honour, or we keep denying and refusing to care of him.

Oh Allah, if my next step is my last step, may it be because of you.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

| 1 zulhijjah 1433

If blogs could be written by heart talks, instead of manually typing and stuff, then I guess, I'll be posting each post frequently.

But alas, even though, technology is evolving, the world is becoming a borderless world, yet, Allah still puts a limitation to all. Allah still preserves some very important features a s a human being that can't be replaced by gadgets nor technos.

Thus, intuitions or heart talks, will always remain between Allah and you, even your mum doesnt know what is in your heart. Thus, thats why Allah is your true lover.

Even a small whine or a sigh of exhaustion, He knows.

Even a small flinch of crushes or a tiny feeling of brag, He knows.

Tell me what Allah doesn't know?

Because He knows all. Well , He did create us, why wouldn't He know about us then.

I express through words better. After reeditting and rewriting things that could be publicised, only wanting to ensure that the post are also reminders for me.

Despite that not the whole world would read such insignificant writings from such an unimportant person but if there is, may Allah bless us. Me and you.

Forgive us during the times we almost forgot Him and bless us in the times we remember Him.

Zulumat ilan nur

From darkness to light.

I just had my sharings last night. Its been a while since my last sharing with them before the summer holidays. Just like a thirsty lady on a sunny day, who was given a lemonade drink.

Despite the ups and downs in dakwah and tarbiyyah, never leave usrah said k.ness during my jaulah to borneo island sone.time ago.

And indeed I agree.

Never leave usrah.

Never skip usrah eventhough we think we more busier than a prime minister.

Sesibuk mana pun kita, dulu, kini dan nanti, carilah masa untuk usrah, lebih-lebih lagi doktor.


These days, we are learning thoroughly parasites, bacterias, viruses with their tongue twisted name, we face troubles to memorize and even pronounce their names. Sarcodina,matigosphore, fasciola, schiztizoma mansoni and the list continues.

But , are we awared that SubhanaAllah, these are creations of Allah. Thus, its our responsibility to get to know them, to taaruf with them, as we are going to be dealing with them sooner or later.

And how magnificent Allah is because He made by himself this vast knowledge regarding the world and its creations.

Sedangkan makhluknya yang mudah bagiNya untuk diciptakan, sudah begitu complex untuk kita,namun kita harus mengenali mereka. Maka lihatlah pencipta kita.
Cukupkah taaruf kita kepada Dia untuk buat kita fall madly and deeply in live with Him?
Cukupkah kita taaruf dengan Dia?
Cukupkah usaha kita untuk cuba mengetahui tentang Dia?


Today is the first zulhijjah.

Its not wrong to renew intentions and refresh the old intentions.

Whatever they are, may we this month shower us with barakah.

And may we become 'someone' in His eyes and gain some scoring points to grab His redha.

Allahu Allah

Ya muqalibal qulu, thabit kulu bana ala dinik, wa ala ta atik.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

mim sod ro, Mesir.

"I wrestled with my soul as with a foe,
It bidding me to err, I saying no;
We were ancient enemies at large.
I put on patience, to withstand its charge.

Imam Al-Ghazali

Patient honey. Real patient. I realized, I'm such an impatient person. Whenever my desires are denied, I get real mad, I nearly turn into The Hulk.

Dalam al-quran, Allah pujuk kita, suruh bersabar.
Dalam usrah, murabbi pesan, bersabar dengan ujian.
Dalam daurah, penyampai share banyak-banyak pasal kesabaran.

We always get reminders about being patient.

Yet, to what extent is our patience?

Whenever we come across problems, its our iman against ujian.



Monday, October 8, 2012

| make a wish lady

After all these while, I have been wanting it so much, thus,

He granted my wishes.

That tiny, unimportant but one of the most desired wish.

Oh Allah, Thank you,

closing eyes, inhaling deeply.

"Just sit down and relax. Take a minute to realize, after all. We are a human. 
We make mistakes. And we are not perfect. 
We are only,

 a human."
-J.K Rowling

Sometimes, in life, we are too hard on ourselves. We tend to blame every wrong things happening to us, and we grumble every second. Sometimes, what we encounter is not our cup of tea, thus we tend to spit it out. 

Sometimes, human beings themselves don't understand them, nor others and thats where the root of the problems start.

I wanted to go somewhere, yet she didn't allow me.

I wonder, whether by still going for it is the right decision, but my heart seems to obey its owner.

Please don't be mad nor hate me.

Please don't.

I think I want some time alone with Him, to discuss with Him, and to ask for His solutions, because again,

He is the best Planner.

Please Ya Rabb,

Help me, your slave.

I Letter to Your Highness

I spent the whole day with Eka, an adorable ukhti that I really admire for her determination, coolness and punctuality, subhanAllah are blend all together perfectly.

And we talked about Zikr Fatimah,


Thirty three times after prayers.

Its called Zikr Fatimah, because according to the seerah, Fatimah was exhausted throughout making the dough bread and thus asked her father for some solutions, her father, who was Rasulullah(pbuh)  gave her an advice, which was reciting this zikr as to help her through her problems.

Well thats the story of its origin, today, we were returning home after finishing from some matters done in Mena Tours and 'Asar prayer in Jamek Ibrahim, we conversed, we talked about a lot, and suddenly, we were conversing about Zikr Fatimah.

Okay, there was something regarding this zikr,what touched me was the arrangement of the zikr itself,

First, Rasullulah, the al habib, told us to recite,
SubhanaAllah which means Glorious is Allah.

Imagine the things we do before prayers, the sins we did that we didn't realise, the things we said which wasn't nice, the things we see which we weren't suppose to be seen, thus, Allah wanted us to be purified, just like how Exalted Allah is, so we say subhanaAllah to cleanse and wash off the sins that grew inside us.

Then we say, alhamdulillah which means, praise to Allah.

For every single breath should be followed by every single second of saying thank you to Allah especially for the non-stop supplication of oxygen, but alas, we aren't capable of saying it every single second, thus, whenever we remember of His mercy and kindness, quickly say alhamdulillah.

For every, rizq and pleasure that we encounter in life, for every forgotten gratitude,thus keep saying alhamdulillah, to repay Allah's kindness although, by saying thank you isn't enough compared to what Allah has given us. But remembering Him is more than enough for our hearts, for by remembering Him, know that He is definitely near.

Lastly, we say Allahuakbar which means Allah is the Great.

As a timid slave of Allah, He is the great since He made us, He made everything inside us and everything around us, thus to meet Him, we must be aware of His Greatness.

For every pyramids in the deserts, there is a Lord beside it and it isn't the Pharaoh,

For every golds and jewels, there is a Lord that owns it which isn't Qarun,

The milky way that consist of the earth and planets, there is a Lord that controls it,

The stars twinkling, brightening the dark sky, there is a Lord that twinkles it,

For every leaf that falls and blankets the ground, there is a Lord that is aware of single drop,

For the Lord that witnesses my writing because of His greatness,

May You Bless me for every single tap on the keyboards.

My Highness, the Exalted.

The Lord,

Allah the AlMighty.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

| Some humble du'a for such a great ukhti

Its been a while since I felt the night breeze of Alexandria City. Its good to feel and smell the not so fresh air with the moderate humidity.

Unusually, tonight was extraordinarily nosier and people seem to be flooding almost in every places. But as long as the hearts was filled with love, then everything was okay regardless how bad they seem to be.

I was with Nini, my so called holiday-mate and a dear ukhti and I was also with me dear little ukhti, Ekha. We managed to sow some seeds of love fillah,  and celebrated humbly Nini's birthday.

I think I did mention some time ago, how birthdays were very important to me. Birthdays was a must to celebrate, along with a cake and a gift.

I think I told Nini this and she just laughed at me. And must I tell you, she has that very hilarious laugh that always made me easy. We had such a brief taaruf, which was during a kenduri kesyukuran held by my friend, Azila back then in KTT, but we managed to keep our friendship on going until now.

Now regarding birthdays, she didn't seem to mind, not celebrating fancily the birthday itself, since I myself am not so good in planning fancy events but I really hope that you had a wonderful time.

I know Nini, that you might not be reading this nor would you agree for me to publicly write lovey dovey words, but just so that you know, jazakillahu khair kathiran for being such a meaningful friend. Listening to all my blabbers, laughing to my lame jokes, reminding me to dhuha, reminding me to recite the qur'an,reminding me to pray on time, knowing my weakest point *winks deeply* and the list goes on in my heart.

Wherever your heart is tonight, I hope it is always with Allah,

Happy Birthday Nini and May Allah Bless you.

| did I press the delete button?

I stared viciously at my blank post, only a minute ago was I typing ferociously regarding my jaulah to kaherah, and with a blink of an eye, everything was gone.

It was too quick, since I cant even remember what I pressed on the keyboard, but every single thing is gone!

 this is citadel of salahuddin al ayyubi

 the view of Cairo City

 inside Masjid Ali Pasha

masjid azhar

Shocked and exhausted, thus I'm deciding to only post pictures.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

| nafak camp caesar , lau samaht!

In Egypt, us pedestrians unite with the road, we blend with the traffic, because its like we are another type of 'vehicle' over here.

That's how cool the traffic here is, honking of horns everywhere definitely causing noise pollution, passing through the floods of fast furious, cars, buses, tramco's let alone trains too.

I find myself annoyed at first, and now, fonder of it.

They have adjusted the system ever since Dr Morsy took over, they even have speed traps now!

I enjoy the heavy, intense, restless ongoing traffics here because this is the life of people here.

To survive here, you've got to be in the life of it ;)

Fi amanillah people.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

1001 Inventions and The Library of Secrets

Muslim's civilisation.

Oh Allah, I believe, that all about you and relating with you is al-haq!

When the heart speaks of love

The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best to my family

Sahih tirmidhi

Since thirteen years old, I have already been away from home but the feeling of sakit rumah( baca: homesick) never fades away.

Adapting yourself in a situation is important to get on moving with life.

Being among them who loves because of Allah is a big deal to nurture love inside us.

Thus, to those who will be flying off,up up and away to a faraway land.

To any land, God calls upon, then just remember, that by remembering Allah, the heart finds peace.

family first, keep you hearts home.

Friday, September 28, 2012

| a word or two

I have safely reached alexandria safe and sound, alhamdulillah.

I look to my left, I see Arabs and then I look to my right, again I see Arabs.Even though this certainly feels surreal, yet this is reality.

Before I even touched the ground of my home, have I already seen Arabs not queuing and shouting at each other at the passport counter.


if only they had the guts to be patient and queue, then all parties would be happy, and things could be processed in a harmonic tone and quicker, wouldn't they?

*sighs heavily*

But the cliche goes, arabs will remain arabs.

Harsh, loud, determined and aggressive.

And this reminds me of a tale an akhawat told me regarding arabs that changed my perspective completely towards arabs.

Once upon a time, in a not so faraway kingdom, where people were worshipping stones, lata and uzza and many more of its kind, a boy, named Muhammad was chosen to be the messenger at this kingdom.

To clean away all the mess of the people, to change from jahiliyyah to 'arifah, from worshipping many to worshipping the One and to be a mankind.

That was Islam, from Allah, taught to Muhammad through Jibrail.

Now people, as we know, Arabs, are very aggressive and heartless people they care less of others but themselves.

So subhanallah, after series of events, dakwah and qudwah hasanah from the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) Islam managed to make its way in the hearts of the arabs.

Imagine that.

Umar al khattab who killed his own daughter heartlessly could cry by just hearing the words of Allah.
Ikrimah, the son of Abu jahal, the number one enemy of rasulullah albeit they were relatives came running to rasulullah for islam after hearing the words of Allah

And many more of these 'magical' tales of arabs falling in love with islam.

now, here comes the point.

If the heartless and aggressive arabs could accept islam, what about us?

us, who could cry for no reason
us, who pitied the poor and unfortunate
us, who still wanted to be a better mankind

thus people, what are we waiting for?
once 'hidayah' comes knocking the door of your heart, please let it in, if 'ad-deen' wanted to be your other half for the rest of your life, please let it be.

Our ad-deen is the most precious of them all, that is what differentiates between us all.
Muslims and the non muslims.

Once I say, the shahadah, then you and I share that bond of aqidah, the greatest bond ever, that ties and unites us all together, despite races, colours nor countries.

nothing can get in the way when it comes to Allah and Rasul.

May allah bless us all for each effort that we try and do, for Allah's sake.


Fi amanillah people :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

| sepoi-sepoi bahasa

I paused and looked at the watch, its now midnight and thus, its 26th of september 2012. And I gasped, *jaw-drop* due to the date. My flight was on the 28th of september morning, and its really the early morning, which was, at 3 am.

So I have like less than 48 hours left with my ummi and abah.

Homesick, and that sad feeling starting to linger around me.

In my family, I am the eldest. The bossiest, the noisiest, the laziest and all those extreme features you could think of but albeit all those, I love my family to the deepest.

When my brother did something horrible that made my dad cross, I cried. When my sister called me names and didn't want to befriend with me, I cried. When my sister cried, I cried to sometimes.

I just love them, 

and knowing that I will be apart for another year, doesn't make me look forward to the long period of it.

But then again,the call of dakwah, shows that I am in need of returning to Egypt. I still need to strive the days to finish up my medical degree. I still need to keep on pushing myself to fight the nafs inside me. I still need to spread the words of islam to people surrounding me.

I always wondered, what was the real source to really get us going in life. Just like how a car needs petrol to move, cats need whiskers to live, fishes need water to survive thus, what do we need to live until the eternal life?

O you who believe, respond to God and the Messenger, with obedience, when He calls you to that which will give you life, in the matter of religion, for it will be the source of everlasting life [for you]; and know that God comes in between a man and his heart, so that he cannot believe or disbelieve except by His will; and that it is to Him that you shall be gathered, and He will requite you for your deeds.
al anfaal-24

Source of everlasting life.

So the source is being obedient, when He calls you to that which will give you life.

Obedient to the Creator, to the Messenger,

thus this will give you everlasting life,


By simply doing dakwah, Allah gives you a life time. How Merciful of Him to give us such gifts?

And dakwah is the engine of life which means, without no engine, still the car wont move, so even though petrol exists, yet it still needs a medium for it to operate, and thus, for us we need to be obedient and do dakwah for us to live happily ever after in Jannah.

Astaghfirullah, may Allah forgive for any slacking and excuses, I should stop doing that. Im an adult now, already 21, and thus, Im big to make decisions.

I'm leaving home, with unfinished chores, meet ups that have to be postponed, cooking lessons that stays unlearnt and the love that can't be fully spread due to some circumstances.

And thus, I need Allah to help me in completing this next time,

That is, if there is another next time.

Until then,

fi amanillah people :)

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Ingatlah, ketika kau tidak punya siapa-siapa selain Allah, Allah itu lebih dari cukup!

-taken from the film di bawah lindungan kaabah

ole-ole from far.

I had pinched myself for the umpteenth time to make myself clear that I am not there anymore, I have left the place, which pretty much bookmarked my heart with its name.

On the night before we returned home, we sort of like made the last detour around the town of Bandar Seri Begawan, ate ice creams , met up with akhawats , had dinner and certainly enjoyed every minute of it.

My jaulah partner, kak mimi said, such a beautiful quote that I myself had the same thing in mind which was,being such a small country and have people with big hearts,

There is too much to pour down here since I landed and arrived safely at home, I would love to write every sharing sessions that we did, every 'ole-ole' from the osem akhawats, every meaningful persinggahan to such beautiful and historical places and the list goes on and on as I can rant on and on.

But let me save it for a while, let me recover myself for sometime, preserving this feeling of contented. This feeling of being in a place that you have never expected or imagined. This feeling of how your heart aches due to missing the sweet smiling akhawats,

Which leads me to share something that I have kept inside me since the very beginning I was there,

An ukhti shared, jalan dakwah and tarbiyyah is pure, with no contamination of sins or whatsoever, so how can Allah, let such sinner like us be on this road? Why does Allah let us contaminate the purity?

And subhanAllah her answer touched me to the deepest.

It was because Allah loves us, and He knows that we sin and continues doing it, but He knows that we want to purify ourselves and want to be purified, and so he gave us a solution that not everybody gets the opportunity.

He lead us the way.

From liking comics to reading islamic articles, we moved on from reading love novels to buying religious books, from wearing just enough-fitted clothing to wearing loose apparels, from being the most sensational gossiper to someone who talks because of Him.

And many more that you get in tarbiyyah.


Positive changes,

And thus, he cleaned us from the sins by letting us being 'washed' in jalan dakwah and tarbiyyah, and so, continuously 'washing' us so that we get His redha, which is permissions to keep on going in life.

To live for the sake of Allah.

Fi amanillah people  :)

Sunday, September 23, 2012

She fell in love, with Him through them.

I gasped the air due to suffocation. And was okay after taking a deep breath. My jaws dropped.I was not expecting all this. This is awesome. This is surreal. I have never felt contented as this ever before.

How many times have I said,

Well, Allah never failed to give me nikmat let alone reduce the amount of the nikmat.


For all that you have made me pass through, you have made me become, and for what you will plan in future.


With love from Borneo.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

| today was not a fairytale

Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes help me, and sometimes opposes me

imam ghazali 

Have I faced many things today? Indeed I have. I faced rejections, failures due to bad planning and lack of organizing spirits, money flowing, exhauster, greedily eating dinner, thinking of the same person of whom i should not.

What have I got today.

Just being grateful to Allah.

When you think that you had plan something with all your might, and it didn't go as you planned, then know and remind yourself that the Al-Mighty has planned something better.

Again, thank you ya Rabb <3

| emoticon streaming face :'(

Got I message from Elis, saying how she missed me, with a streaming face, and yes, it made me into tears too.

I am missing someone too, because all I want is a hug right now,

A great big hug!

| The road to Happiness

Dear Lord,

I was far busy thinking of what to bring, looking through the internet attractive places, reading reviews of people who've been there, and checking rates of the current currency and the list continues faithfully of things been done, yet I almost forgot the purpose of doing this.

So have they not traveled through the earth and have hearts by which to reason and ears by which to hear? For indeed, it is not eyes that are blinded, but blinded are the hearts which are within the breasts.

al hajj  : 46

I almost forgot that I have to pack my heart to bring there.
*Renewing intentions*
Putting both hands on chest and taking deep breaths.
Dead nervous actually.

| up up and away we go!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

| I'm a big big girl, in a big big world


Happy. Sad. Excited. Nonchalant.


They come and go whenever they want, they empower and take control of yourself. And the only way to get back at them, is overpower them with iman.

Feelings are creatures that can't be seen but exist, they are a gift from Allah yet only little realises that, only some are grateful for them, and some don't even bother whether they exist or not.

Today, I got my feelings to empower me, and it caught me by surprise at how quickly I could switch from annoyed to relax, from anger to calmness, from depressed to joy.

And it gave determination in me, that Allah watches us every second without fail.
Yes, I repeat, every second without fail.

He knows when to give us the feeling that suits us, even if we felt that we had encountered such a horrible experience, but beyond that super duper horrible moment, there is a silver lining behind it.

Cheer up, okay!

And so the story of my birthday begins.

For me, birthdays are big issues, i always had my way of celebrating with a mandatory presence of a cake, at least a slice of it and wishes from people who loved you.

Regardless various opinions of birthdays, some may agree and some may simply oppose to the idea of celebrating of it.

Its a yes for me!

For me, its a sign of dignity, it shows that officially, you have just stepped a year older, and then life indirectly goes different.

Some may be better, some may just stay off track, but whatever it is, death still awaits ahead of us!

And so, here goes today, 15th september 2012 which is 28 syawal 1433.

As midnight struck, sue dah (my aunty) came running to me wishing me my birthday! She said I was 21 and ready to be passed 'the key' and i was like, what key?

she even gave me a peck on the cheek and made be blushed because we never do those mushy gesture, but it planted some warm feeling inside, then a dear friend of mine, in Alexandria, nabilah known as nuna wished through twitter.

A girl asked how nuna knew it was my birthday and she said that she even marked her calender!

And then Miza wished through whassap and I got a call from a friend back then when I was in my girls school.

She started the conversation by bombing me with anger and frustration how awful i was to easily forget old friends and not contacting at all in such a long period. But she didn't fail to paint a smile on my face. I felt like I immediately wanted to hug her, because I miss her dearly.She ended the conversation with singing happy birthday to me, after all those telling offs ;)

Then I got a message from che ngah(my other aunty) and lily my adik usrah back in ktt.

So I was greeted through one malaysia methodology!


what I meant was, nearly all sort of methods were used to be wishing me happy birthday, facebook, face to face, whassap, twitter, messages, calls.

And throughout the day, flooded by facebook wishes, twitter wishes, message wishes, whassap wishes, I was flattered,

Even though, some might not remember my birthday, in addition with reminders nowadays, people still care, and bother to wish a simple HB or sanah helwah and not to forget wishes saying May Allah bless us all,

I couldnt say and wish less, except make du'a that you guys may encounter a very peaceful and merciful life,

jazakumullah khair kathiran to all of those who cared.

may our happiness is showered with rahmah!

Sanah helwah Ya Gameelah to me, Aqeelah :)

p/s for my adorable father and mother , jazakumullah khair kathiran for the gifts. And you, for your email .

Monday, September 10, 2012

| perfect picture


We were at the airport yesterday, sending off Una to Jordan. And when we wanted to return home, Abah told us to perform asr prayer and off we went.

Suddenly, I realised Ahmad was still with headphones and his new ps vista as if he didnt want to let go of it. And so my sister ifah, softly spoke to him saying that he needed to leave both the headphone and ps vista to mum before performing solah. I mean logically, you don't go prying with all those stuff on your body, right?!

And he wasn't responding as if he didn't want to move from the place he was standing, as if he didn't care what we said.I got impatient and furious, saying out loud,

"suka hati Ahmadla nak jumpa Allah macamana!"

My sister ifah, looked at me warningly and told me under her breath,

"cakap elok-elok sikit, macamana nak dakwah orang macam tu"

and that stabbed and pierced my heart.


I thought I was in madrasah tarbiyyah, yet why don't I act as one? I cant even speak nicely to my siblings, and sometimes we fight because of my harsh words or bossy acts.

That's one issue, I always get in usrah about how we should show qudwatun hasanah and how to act nicely to people, but practically, its tougher than only knowing it and scribbling it down in my buku usrah!

Another thing was, how I am to indulged with internet that I tend to spend long hours on it which leads me to sleeping late at night and opening the youtube channels watching movies or stories that doesn't increase the iman at all and listening to absurd songs like the oppa gangnam song.



di bawa arus dunia yang membimbangkan.

I remembered an ukhti shared about her own story at home, at that time, she was watching the television,and she had just got back form somewhere and wanted to rest for a while,and she chose to watch the television but he shadn't prayed Zuhr yet, suddenly her brother came to ask her whether she had prayed yet.

Listening to her answer, her brother said,

"Lalai, lalai, kalau boleh biarlah kita punya perangai sama padan dengan tudung yang labuh tu"


Terasa, tertusuk, tergolek dek dihunus tajamnya kata-kata yang benar.

Maybe it was that ukhti's story but it reflected me the most.


Those things that makes us further from Allah, is jahilyyah. Bad things we used to do before we had usrah, things we did before we know good deeds and tarbiyyah is jahiliyyah.

And jahiliyyah is a friend of the devil.

So we try to wash of the stains of jahiliyyah through our repentance, through our sincerity in our ibadah, through our increment in our ibadah.

But why does it come back, even though we had done so many things to get rid of it!

Jahiliyyah is like a boomerang, it returns no matter how far we throw it away, thus we need to build a strong wall of iman and taqwa, so it is as far as possible, away from us,
So its not the length of time we had join usrah and tarbiyyah which determines how good we are or how far we had changed, but the sincerity and the determination in grabbing Allah's love and mardatillah which boost you to become a better person.

Don't look down on people but don't go worshipping them, no one is ever perfect but everyone deserves to be treated perfectly nice.

You and I share the strong bond of Aqidah,

so please, correct me if I'm wrong.

| wake me up when september ends

The month of Syawal is nearly closing its curtains, and so are my holidays. Its ending. And sadness is starting to linger inside me.

Sad because of unaccomplished to-do-list in malaysia things, which I wrote back in Egypt. Sad because my weight is increasing tremendously and I can feel the heaviness of myself when I walk, run or even talk, I get tired easily and sad because I have spent my holidays waking up late and nearly sleeping, all the time.
Every second.

My ummi nags, my abah sighs, my sister scolds me, but I dont seem to care. Its not like I purposely do it, but it just happens.

I get sad, repent, and the next day it happens again as if I was not guilty of excessive sleeping.

To be honest, sleeping is a very big issue to me, I am a deep sleeper, I have a very hard time waking up by my own and worst, my subuh is always mortgaged just so that I can continue sleeping.


This is embarassing, some might say, this is your issue, your own problem and thus you solve it yourself.

*sobs tearfully*

I've tried, it worked for a few days, and then it wears off.

Saya malu dengan Allah
Saya malu dengan Rasulullah
Saya malu dengan para sahabat
Saya malu dengan ummi and abah
Saya malu dengan adik beradik
Saya malu dengan akhawat
Saya malu dengan semua,

And thus, deep down from me, I seek for du'as and support from all.

 Wahai yang berselimut, berdirilah, ambil cintamu di langit, tuk ditebar di bumi

salim a fillah 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

| 010912

this time, we met because of Him,
dan kerna manisnya ukhwah di atas jalan ini,
ukhwah fillah ya ukhti

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Who are you again?

We always know that, Allah knows us more than we do right? But its a little confusing when there is too much of yourself that you barely know? Hence toughen the process of taaruf with yourself.

The questions linger At the back of my head, and gets bigger each time.

Who are you?
What is inside you?
What is your true colour?
What is your true feeling?

Now some might say, I am living in hypocrisy but alas, this is not hypocrite, its that small feeling inside you that suddenly echoes questioning things that you have thought you had knew since the day you were born. Gosh I feel terrible and messy.

Wait, inhale and exhale.
Yes I am 21 years old this year, big enough to decide my own future.

Oh Allah, help me *whispers*

Alhamdulillah, it still the month of syawal, the month of happiness, and smiles and laughters heard here and there.
But somehow I think i have done cruelty to myself, my tarbiyyah dzatiyyah is lowering just like how the smartphones battery get drained with the addition of forgetting to bring back the charger, so the phone is kind of useless, and  worried i might turn into those useless smartphones!

Bagaimana dengan perkembangan tarbiyyah anda sepanjang cuti? apakah yang anda lakukan untuk recharge iman anda?

Yang saya tahu dan sedar, saya sudah rindu biah mesir.But it doesnt mean that i am excited to return back because Im still getting to know my family members and i feel the sparks this year between them is different compared the last time I left them to come to Egypt.

And thus, due to this, I want to get to know myself.To be able to decide things that are related to my future.

i dont want to do things bluntly and influenced by others. 

There is too many things that I want, have I given enough or even more to Him the Provider?

may Allah forgive me if i am complaining too much with life 

Rabbana dzalamna anfusana wa illam taghfirlana warhamna lanakunanna minal khasirin
ameen Ya Rabb!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Ramadan: The last 10 Days, Itikaf and Laylatul Qadr - Shaykh Yusuf Estes

| the seekers

Ramadhan has reached its third phase, 

while me? Still stagnant and unproductive :(

I continue sinning and repenting, its like a spinning turbo, or a AC circuit, not knowing where to go but turning up and down accordingly,

Thats the current iman mood,

Astaghfirullah thumma astaghfirullah thumma astaghfirullah,

without consequences as I normally do, 

pouring what is deep down in my heart, 

with no certain pattern.

I do not know whether I would want to return to malaysia next year,

after all that has happened to me,

on this short yet meaningful days,

since the very day I landed,

and this bothers me,

either I just decided that for my own good, 

or am I just running away from reality?!

Currently off for Masjid Hopping or I say that the Conquest of My Soul and to seek for the Night of Lailatul Qadr,

Can I be your guest, Ya Khaliq :')

I call for Him, and He answers

All night, a man called “Allah” 
Until his lips were bleeding. 
Then the Devil said, “Hey! Mr Gullible! 
How comes you’ve been calling all night 
And never once heard Allah say, “Here, I am”? 
You call out so earnestly and, in reply, what? 
I’ll tell you what. Nothing!” 

The man suddenly felt empty and abandoned. 
Depressed, he threw himself on the ground 
And fell into a deep sleep. 
In a dream, he met Abraham, who asked, 
“Why are you regretting praising Allah?” 

The man said, “I called and called 
But Allah never replied, “Here I am.” 
Abraham explained, “Allah has said, 
“Your calling my name is My reply. 
Your longing for Me is My message to you. 
All your attempts to reach Me 
Are in reality My attempts to reach you. 
Your fear and love are a noose to catch Me. 
In the silence surrounding every call of “Allah” 
Waits a thousand replies of “Here I am.” 

—Jalaluddin Rumi, “Here I Am” 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

| Ramadhan Kareem

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious of All.

Alhamdulillah, it getting near to fajr, and after a few minutes of time, it will be the seventh day of Ramadhan. Wait, seventh day of Ramadhan?

Oh man :'(

I have been wanting to write a travelog of Ramadhan since I am going through it here, in Egypt. Frankly speaking, fasting here is a bless, especially waiting for the tarawih prayers, you just can't get more excited then to perform the prayers.

And to think that my delay, has caught me by surprise since its been a week already, fasting here. And too many things have happened, not to mention with some of them returning back to Malaysia for the summer holidays, some going off to the Holy Land and a list of  a whole bunch of many places on earth. Which I must say, I am glad to say that, I am still here in Alexandria.

Tak terlalu lambat untuk mula kan?

The Ramadhan started of incredibly awesome.I didn't eat like a king during sahoor nor during iftar, and managed to pray the tarawih with superb imams here. I made sure that tadarrus was always done and that mutabaah amal was checked. I even tried to wake up early in order to allow myself performing qiam and everything was going well, perfectly well, just like jigsaw puzzles falling to its places,

until one day, laziness attacked.

Il-Nafs came!

I missed a couple of sahoor and I ate like a lion during iftar, my mutabaah amal was a mess, I didnt sleep during night and so i will sleep after syuruk and I wake up late in the afternoon. My recitation of the Al-Quran was weak, I managed to finish a couple of pages only and I felt a total wreck.

Semangat Ramadhan bagaikan hilang berterbangan seperti dandelions blown off its stem.

terus Hilang,

sehinggalah tadi, sewaktu tarawih di Gamek Ibrahem sesuatu menyentap diriku ini.

The imam was reading the qur'an beautifully and in harmony, it was peaceful and calm until, he suddenly broke into cries.

The imam cried.

He cried so sincerely, that it made my own tear gland ripped.

He is Originator of the heavens and the earth. How could He have a son when He does not have a companion and he created all things? And He is, of all things, Knowing.

That is Allah, your Lord! There is no deity except Him, the Creator of all things, so worship him, And he is Disposer of all things.

Al An'am : 102-103

I forgot, that I need to work hard during this Ramadhan for Him, my Lord, Allah.I was too busy to do so many things, that I forgot it was all about pleasing Him. I was busy taking care of my laziness, that I forgot the word 'mujahadah'. Definitely.

Forgive me, my Lord.

Because in the end, it was merely about , Allah. Yes, just Him.

Allahumma innaka 'afoowun tuhibbul 'afwa fa' foo anni
O Allah! You are the Forgiving, You love to forgive. Forgive me.


It's time for renewing my niyah, incase I forget again in future. 

Akhawati fillah, doakan saya.

Hidup di dunia ini seperti perjalanan yang terlalu panjang dan terlalu banyak perhentian sementara,
kadang-kadang terlupa sebenarnya diri ini nak ke mana.

Alhamdulillah, when I got buried in Dunya, you reminded me through so many ways.
When I forgot, You never did.