amalgamation of thoughts

Nobody likes pain, yet pain is a blessing because,  no pain no gain right :) - dr hala from the physiology department Yes, pain is painful. When we lean to humans. Humans who are His creations. When we hope that humans are the source of happiness, and we don't feel contented, then we'll be truly sad. Because the one who we should put our tawakkal on to is Him. Purely Him with no leaning on to. Pain is ujian. Pain is adjustable. Its either bearable or intolerated. In faculty, this current module is quite tough. Dealing with thousands of nerves anatomically and physiologically isn't easy. But to this extent, I'm always awed with His creations! How Allah detailed every single bit, even we have things going on in the body without or concern, like the haemoglobin continuously giving oxygen to organs, or glands secreting necessary humans, at the right time to the right place. Dan kali ini, menyaksikan, kalam SubhanAllah tidak henti-henti diucapkan oleh para duktur d

The numbers of martyrs, are increasing, showing no signs of decrement. The israelis are continuosly invading as if they don't even have the idea of backing off. Numbers will remain numbers, but Allah will count all the blood spatted out form these innocent bodies, the bombs exploding here and there with the most stupid reason of them 'self defending themselves!' what more do they want? isn't it enough, already splitting there families apart? isn't it enough killing them like hunting gazelles in the wood? we are talking about human beings, not barbie dolls! The whole world knows the truth, the X files of Gaza itself. How the prolonged invasion by the israelis, must be put to a stop. wait, does the whole world truly knows? we share the same bond. we share the same fikrah. we share the same aim. so were one. if only truth was a tongue, how the cowardice would have been put into justice long ago, punished vividly for their unlawful actions. The

For every superhero, their mum still packs up lunch boxes for them :) It has been more than one month I have settled down in Egypt, and it has been more than a month that I have been in my 'new' home with the most awesome people that have ever existed on earth. Can I just have a minute to pray for them, Oh Allah, give eternal happiness to us all. Beit Durrah. Our home, where my body as well my heart sits. I used to think that I was always alone in this dusty and noisy land, but I was wrong. I used to think people cared less about me, but I was wrong. I used to think, being together was a mess, but I was wrong. I don't know if my presence had gave a mark in your lives, but your presence changed mine. Our laughters during dinner, our togetherness in that tiny kitchen, the salams before going out, our tears, and still the list goes on, all mixed up in one, giving out the word , bahagia To whom I may concern, I am blessed to have you guys, a gift from

Cancer is when unwanted cells take over a region of the body. Unwanted or impossible love is like a cancer of the heart that only God can cure-yasmin mogahed I hope there is no necrotic cells of the brain due to over usage and deep thinking :D. Tomorrow is my first examination for this semester, and I admit, bluntly, that I have done put such inadequates effort that I myself think so. Pondering back, neither have I stayed up late nor have I done endless notes. *sighing* To leave your hope to Allah, you must insert thorough efforts and du'as first, and then tawakkal, but if you are in a condition of unreadiness, thus that ain't a good sign. Ain't a good sign indeed. usaha itu manifestasi tawakkal kita-roomate terchenta And it made me thinking, what if tomorrow was never a tomorrow, will I be ready? Busied by the examination of the dunya, have I put aside the examination of akhirat? Thus, my dear fellas, renewing intention is the solution to all. Renew your in

Taqwa itu di hati. Maka ia terbukti kala sendiri & sepi. Saat godaan menari-nari & diri merasa tiada yang mengawasi. Ya Rabbi, jagalah kami." - Salim A. Fillah  A great quote diilhamkan oleh such a great creator! Dalam keadan-keadan sebegini, kata-kata hikmah oleh akhi dan akhawati, sentiasa buat diri ini, tengok skrin macam nak tembus. Tertusuk sangat. Baru habis 'menumpang' sharing farah dengan adik-adiknya, dan terimbau kenangan di KTT dulu. Kenangan sewaktu berusrah berbelas-belas di rumah ilani,kown,lyana and ayuni. Ramai benar. Tapi bahagia. Kini, masing-masing sudah berpecah, bertebaran di muka bumi Allah. Masing-masing mencari keredhaanMu. Doakan kami, para muharikah. Sebenarnya, pagi tadi, sewaktu di kuliah, disapa oleh jiran kerusi sebelah, sembang punya sembang, tiba-tiba, dengan takdirnya, dia tanya CGPA or something like that, i couldnt remember precisely but it was related to my results and I answered, that I got 2 point something. Wha

Pernah terfikir, aku tiadalah bakat untuk menulis tulisan himmah dek kerana lack in vocabs and lack in skills if presenting dan tak tersampai pulak mesejnya walaupun sudah berkali-kali mendengar daurah dan usrah masih belum mampu menghasilkan tulisan yang totally ilmiah, belum lagi, mungkin nanti, biiznillah. tapi terlalu banyak benda dalam diri yang tidak boleh dipendam dan harus diluahkan kepada sesuatu, maka terhasillah blog ini luahan dan nasihat yang dilontarkan dari hati yang nan hari cuba mentajdid niat agar menulis kerna Dia sewaktu scroll down, dalam newsfeed blog, i went through a blog that was telling about her writing histories which lead to what i am writing now. She quoted, "Semua penulis akn meninggal. Hanya karyanya yg akan abadi. Maka tulislah sesuatu yg akn mbahagiakan dirimu diakhirat nanti" - Sayyidina Ali Jazakillah khair awak ;) Sometimes, I have to stare too long looking at the blank page wondering what to write

Saat pertama tarbiyyah menyapa, terasa seolah-olah dunia ini, dunia kita dengan Dia, hanya Kau dan aku. Terlupa diri pernah di hinggapi dengan noda-noda dosa, terlupa diri ini, pernah bersahabat dengan geng-geng kongsi 'gelap' itu, alpa dengan dunia sendiri, dunia melepaskan tempias nafsu. Tapi, sejak hidayah dan tarbiyyah datang menjenguk, seolah-olah seperti orang yang dahaga di beri air, seolah-olah seperti si lapar di beri makanan, seolah-olah seperti si rabun diberi penglihatan. Melengkapi dan mengisi ruang-ruang kosong dalam diri. Hatiku dibajai dengan iman dan islam, bercambahlah amal-amal islami itu, dan hati melompat kegirangan, bahagia sungguh! Namun, kadangkala, sekali lagi, aku disapa dengan mereka, yang aku kira musuhku, mereka bertau-talu mengetuk diri yang sedang longlai ini, menarik diri yang lemah ini, untuk kembali seperti dulu, kembali menjadi geng kongsi 'gelap' mereka itu. aku takut takut andai, aku tersungkur dalam ke

Kebenaran yang tersusun memang mampu mengalahkan kebatilan yang terabur. Susunan memang perlu, hatta nombor mahupun abjad, berada di posisi yang ditetapkan. Lepas A memang B Sebelum 10 memang 9 Dan begitula sunatullah. Kenapa dengan susunan mengkucar kacir emosi. Astaghfirullah. Memang hati ini berbolak balik,Tapi pengemudi hati ialah iman. Moga kerana susunan ini, hati ini tetap dan iman mantap. Begitulah status facebook saya pada hari tetapnya shuffling usrah kami. Sungguh, sadis dan air mata tidak henti-henti. Bukanlah ini kali pertama saya melalui sistem penukaran naqibah dan usrah, tapi kali ini, tamparan lagi hebat. Masih segar diingatan bagaimana,saat di KTT, sentuhan pertama tarbiyyah ke atas diri yang hina ini, waktu kami berbelas-belas orang semuanya yang dalam satu halaqah itu, pada suatu malam,masing-masing mendapat mesej oleh naqibah lama untuk pergi ke sekian sekian tempat pada waktu sekian sekian. Dan pada waktu itulah, kami sedar, kami sudah dibahagikan kepad

The clock is nearly striking midnight, and this reminds me of one saying, The man who decided to change on the twelfth, died on the eleventh. SubhanaAllah. Time. Al Asr. Demi masa. Indeed, time is the the most obnoxious silent killer than cancer. You cant sense when its getting too late, because you just never know when death might be inviting you. Well back to the story, I'm almost done, here in Jordan, we feel gloomy, but thats what we think. Since we are leaving the people here, the food and the places. No more, laughters of Husna Ishkandar, coolness of Una, sly ammu khalid, and tonnes of akhawats who are sweethearts and smiling throughout the brief taaruf. Its gonna be a while since, I'll be returning to these places biiznillah, Petra, Jerash, Maqamat, Ajloun, Balad Amman and many more, is a beautiful gift from Allah, to me. And delicious food, such as maklubat, mansaf with laban either the classic laban or the modernized laban. Series of stories sha

Bismillah, Its nearly midnight here in Urdun. Alhandulillah, we managed to visit akhawat's open house near masjid thal's area and near arabella. Their laughters, smiles, and hugs will really be some meaningful souvenirs that will be brought back home. As normal human beings, we need to be reminded, over and over again. Thats what exactly happened today, I was reminded for His Greatness and His Mercy. Indeed I am aware but I tend to forget. So when it came from an akhawats mouth, it gave a different impact. Sungguh aku mahu Allah memelukku. Memujukku dan menghalau kerisauan yang sering singgah di hati kecil ini. Aku merinduiMu Ya Rabb!

Bismillah Salam peeps ;) I almost forgot, Eid mubarak people and like the arabs say, kullu sanah wa entum tayyib. Hari ni hari raya la :p Indeed it is, and alhmadulillah, the atmosphere is slightly different here in Syams. Therr is something here, and I know I am in need of it. From batra' until syarie hussani. From Amman to Aqabah to Irbid. Now, one of the essential part in Tarbiyyah, is also jaulah. As I was about, to feel a slight of frustation regarding not able to go to nearly all the places here, I really did some spanking regarding my nafs. Tajdid niat. Keep on track, Every breath and inhalation of air, because of Allah. Astaghfirullah. SubhanaAllah wal hamdulillah walailahaillallah.

When the guys run like the wind and the ladies walk lazily. It stirs me. I feel like being slept and buried to the ground. I've always heard, dakwah doesnt need us, we need it.Allah doesn't need us, He could do completely fine without us, but we need Allah.We need Him very much. When I ponder back my ' business' with Allah, my face gets flushed and my ears go hot, I'll tend to stare at the ground and can't seem to bear to look whats in front of me. SubhanaAllah, This is pure embarassing. I claim, that I want to settle down in Jannah, I want to meet al-habib, want to.met al-khaliq. But I keep on sinning, and the jahiliyyah is lingering harder on me.Grasping strong not wanting to let go. Yet others, seem to be enlightened bu Allah's Deen and seem be soaring in the sky, aiming for paradise. Astaghfirullah, I have been through so much things yet I have been ungrateful endlessly. Like I mentioned earlier, I am so thrilled to see many are sta

When you are nearly in the verge of death, millions of things will come across your mind. Your mum and dad, Your last words, Your last meal, Your last deeds. Death always knocks on our door, its either we greet it as the guest of honour, or we keep denying and refusing to care of him. Oh Allah, if my next step is my last step, may it be because of you.

If blogs could be written by heart talks, instead of manually typing and stuff, then I guess, I'll be posting each post frequently. But alas, even though, technology is evolving, the world is becoming a borderless world, yet, Allah still puts a limitation to all. Allah still preserves some very important features a s a human being that can't be replaced by gadgets nor technos. Thus, intuitions or heart talks, will always remain between Allah and you, even your mum doesnt know what is in your heart. Thus, thats why Allah is your true lover. Even a small whine or a sigh of exhaustion, He knows. Even a small flinch of crushes or a tiny feeling of brag, He knows. Tell me what Allah doesn't know? None. Because He knows all. Well , He did create us, why wouldn't He know about us then. I express through words better. After reeditting and rewriting things that could be publicised, only wanting to ensure that the post are also reminders for me. Despite that not

"I wrestled with my soul as with a foe, It bidding me to err, I saying no; We were ancient enemies at large. I put on patience, to withstand its charge. ” Imam Al-Ghazali Patient honey. Real patient. I realized, I'm such an impatient person. Whenever my desires are denied, I get real mad, I nearly turn into The Hulk. Dalam al-quran, Allah pujuk kita, suruh bersabar. Dalam usrah, murabbi pesan, bersabar dengan ujian. Dalam daurah, penyampai share banyak-banyak pasal kesabaran. We always get reminders about being patient. Yet, to what extent is our patience? Whenever we come across problems, its our iman against ujian. *sigh* Sabar.

After all these while, I have been wanting it so much, thus, He granted my wishes. That tiny, unimportant but one of the most desired wish. Oh Allah, Thank you,

"Just sit down and relax. Take a minute to realize, after all. We are a human.  We make mistakes. And we are not perfect.  We are only,  a human ." -J.K Rowling Sometimes, in life, we are too hard on ourselves. We tend to blame every wrong things happening to us, and we grumble every second. Sometimes, what we encounter is not our cup of tea, thus we tend to spit it out.  Sometimes, human beings themselves don't understand them, nor others and thats where the root of the problems start. I wanted to go somewhere, yet she didn't allow me. I wonder, whether by still going for it is the right decision, but my heart seems to obey its owner. Please don't be mad nor hate me. Please don't. I think I want some time alone with Him, to discuss with Him, and to ask for His solutions, because again, He is the best Planner. Please Ya Rabb, Help me, your slave.

I spent the whole day with Eka, an adorable ukhti that I really admire for her determination, coolness and punctuality, subhanAllah are blend all together perfectly. And we talked about Zikr Fatimah, SubhanaAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahuakbar. Thirty three times after prayers. Its called Zikr Fatimah, because according to the seerah, Fatimah was exhausted throughout making the dough bread and thus asked her father for some solutions, her father, who was Rasulullah(pbuh)  gave her an advice, which was reciting this zikr as to help her through her problems. Well thats the story of its origin, today, we were returning home after finishing from some matters done in Mena Tours and 'Asar prayer in Jamek Ibrahim, we conversed, we talked about a lot, and suddenly, we were conversing about Zikr Fatimah. Okay, there was something regarding this zikr,what touched me was the arrangement of the zikr itself, First, Rasullulah, the al habib, told us to recite, SubhanaAllah which me

Its been a while since I felt the night breeze of Alexandria City. Its good to feel and smell the not so fresh air with the moderate humidity. Unusually, tonight was extraordinarily nosier and people seem to be flooding almost in every places. But as long as the hearts was filled with love, then everything was okay regardless how bad they seem to be. I was with Nini, my so called holiday-mate and a dear ukhti and I was also with me dear little ukhti, Ekha. We managed to sow some seeds of love fillah,  and celebrated humbly Nini's birthday. I think I did mention some time ago, how birthdays were very important to me. Birthdays was a must to celebrate, along with a cake and a gift. I think I told Nini this and she just laughed at me. And must I tell you, she has that very hilarious laugh that always made me easy. We had such a brief taaruf, which was during a kenduri kesyukuran held by my friend, Azila back then in KTT, but we managed to keep our friendship on going un

I stared viciously at my blank post, only a minute ago was I typing ferociously regarding my jaulah to kaherah, and with a blink of an eye, everything was gone. It was too quick, since I cant even remember what I pressed on the keyboard, but every single thing is gone!  this is citadel of salahuddin al ayyubi  the view of Cairo City  inside Masjid Ali Pasha masjid azhar Shocked and exhausted, thus I'm deciding to only post pictures.

In Egypt, us pedestrians unite with the road, we blend with the traffic, because its like we are another type of 'vehicle' over here. That's how cool the traffic here is, honking of horns everywhere definitely causing noise pollution, passing through the floods of fast furious, cars, buses, tramco's let alone trains too. I find myself annoyed at first, and now, fonder of it. They have adjusted the system ever since Dr Morsy took over, they even have speed traps now! I enjoy the heavy, intense, restless ongoing traffics here because this is the life of people here. To survive here, you've got to be in the life of it ;) Fi amanillah people.

Muslim's civilisation. Oh Allah, I believe, that all about you and relating with you is al-haq!

The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of.you to my family Sahih tirmidhi Since thirteen years old, I have already been away from home but the feeling of sakit rumah( baca: homesick) never fades away. Adapting yourself in a situation is important to get on moving with life. Being among them who loves because of Allah is a big deal to nurture love inside us. Thus, to those who will be flying off,up up and away to a faraway land. To any land, God calls upon, then just remember, that by remembering Allah, the heart finds peace. family first, keep you hearts home.

I have safely reached alexandria safe and sound, alhamdulillah. I look to my left, I see Arabs and then I look to my right, again I see Arabs.Even though this certainly feels surreal, yet this is reality. Before I even touched the ground of my home, have I already seen Arabs not queuing and shouting at each other at the passport counter. MashaAllah if only they had the guts to be patient and queue, then all parties would be happy, and things could be processed in a harmonic tone and quicker, wouldn't they? *sighs heavily* But the cliche goes, arabs will remain arabs. Harsh, loud, determined and aggressive. And this reminds me of a tale an akhawat told me regarding arabs that changed my perspective completely towards arabs. Once upon a time, in a not so faraway kingdom, where people were worshipping stones, lata and uzza and many more of its kind, a boy, named Muhammad was chosen to be the messenger at this kingdom. To clean away all the mess of the people, to ch

I paused and looked at the watch, its now midnight and thus, its 26th of september 2012. And I gasped, *jaw-drop* due to the date. My flight was on the 28th of september morning, and its really the early morning, which was, at 3 am. So I have like less than 48 hours left with my ummi and abah. Homesick, and that sad feeling starting to linger around me. In my family, I am the eldest. The bossiest, the noisiest, the laziest and all those extreme features you could think of but albeit all those, I love my family to the deepest. When my brother did something horrible that made my dad cross, I cried. When my sister called me names and didn't want to befriend with me, I cried. When my sister cried, I cried to sometimes. I just love them,  and knowing that I will be apart for another year, doesn't make me look forward to the long period of it. But then again,the call of dakwah, shows that I am in need of returning to Egypt. I still need to strive the days

Ingatlah, ketika kau tidak punya siapa-siapa selain Allah, Allah itu lebih dari cukup ! -taken from the film di bawah lindungan kaabah

I had pinched myself for the umpteenth time to make myself clear that I am not there anymore, I have left the place, which pretty much bookmarked my heart with its name. On the night before we returned home, we sort of like made the last detour around the town of Bandar Seri Begawan, ate ice creams , met up with akhawats , had dinner and certainly enjoyed every minute of it. My jaulah partner, kak mimi said, such a beautiful quote that I myself had the same thing in mind which was,being  such a small country and have people with big hearts , SubhanaAllah. There is too much to pour down here since I landed and arrived safely at home, I would love to write every sharing sessions that we did, every 'ole-ole' from the osem akhawats, every meaningful persinggahan to such beautiful and historical places and the list goes on and on as I can rant on and on. But let me save it for a while, let me recover myself for sometime, preserving this feeling of contented. This feeling of

I gasped the air due to suffocation. And was okay after taking a deep breath. My jaws dropped.I was not expecting all this. This is awesome. This is surreal. I have never felt contented as this ever before. How many times have I said, Alhamdulillah. Well, Allah never failed to give me nikmat let alone reduce the amount of the nikmat. Alhamdulillah, For all that you have made me pass through, you have made me become, and for what you will plan in future. Alhamdulillah, With love from Borneo.

Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes help me, and sometimes opposes me imam ghazali  Have I faced many things today? Indeed I have. I faced rejections, failures due to bad planning and lack of organizing spirits, money flowing, exhauster, greedily eating dinner, thinking of the same person of whom i should not. What have I got today. Just being grateful to Allah. When you think that you had plan something with all your might, and it didn't go as you planned, then know and remind yourself that the Al-Mighty has planned something better. Again, thank you ya Rabb <3

Got I message from Elis, saying how she missed me, with a streaming face, and yes, it made me into tears too. I am missing someone too, because all I want is a hug right now, A great big hug!

Dear Lord, I was far busy thinking of what to bring, looking through the internet attractive places, reading reviews of people who've been there, and checking rates of the current currency and the list continues faithfully of things been done, yet I almost forgot the purpose of doing this. So have they not traveled through the earth and have hearts by which to reason and ears by which to hear? For indeed, it is not eyes that are blinded, but blinded are the hearts which are within the breasts. al hajj  : 46 I almost forgot that I have to pack my heart to bring there. *Renewing intentions* Putting both hands on chest and taking deep breaths. Dead nervous actually.

Bismillah Happy. Sad. Excited. Nonchalant. Feelings. They come and go whenever they want, they empower and take control of yourself. And the only way to get back at them, is overpower them with iman. Feelings are creatures that can't be seen but exist, they are a gift from Allah yet only little realises that, only some are grateful for them, and some don't even bother whether they exist or not. Today, I got my feelings to empower me, and it caught me by surprise at how quickly I could switch from annoyed to relax, from anger to calmness, from depressed to joy. And it gave determination in me, that Allah watches us every second without fail. Yes, I repeat, every second without fail. He knows when to give us the feeling that suits us, even if we felt that we had encountered such a horrible experience, but beyond that super duper horrible moment, there is a silver lining behind it. Cheer up, okay! And so the story of my birthday begins. For me, birthdays are b

Bismillah We were at the airport yesterday, sending off Una to Jordan. And when we wanted to return home, Abah told us to perform asr prayer and off we went. Suddenly, I realised Ahmad was still with headphones and his new ps vista as if he didnt want to let go of it. And so my sister ifah, softly spoke to him saying that he needed to leave both the headphone and ps vista to mum before performing solah. I mean logically, you don't go prying with all those stuff on your body, right?! And he wasn't responding as if he didn't want to move from the place he was standing, as if he didn't care what we said.I got impatient and furious, saying out loud, "suka hati Ahmadla nak jumpa Allah macamana!" My sister ifah, looked at me warningly and told me under her breath, "cakap elok-elok sikit, macamana nak dakwah orang macam tu" and that stabbed and pierced my heart. Astaghfirullah, I thought I was in madrasah tarbiyyah, yet why don't I act

The month of Syawal is nearly closing its curtains, and so are my holidays. Its ending. And sadness is starting to linger inside me. Sad because of unaccomplished to-do-list in malaysia things, which I wrote back in Egypt. Sad because my weight is increasing tremendously and I can feel the heaviness of myself when I walk, run or even talk, I get tired easily and sad because I have spent my holidays waking up late and nearly sleeping, all the time. Every second. My ummi nags, my abah sighs, my sister scolds me, but I dont seem to care. Its not like I purposely do it, but it just happens. I get sad, repent, and the next day it happens again as if I was not guilty of excessive sleeping. To be honest, sleeping is a very big issue to me, I am a deep sleeper, I have a very hard time waking up by my own and worst, my subuh is always mortgaged just so that I can continue sleeping. Allahuallah. This is embarassing, some might say, this is your issue, your own problem and thus you s

this time, we met because of Him, dan kerna manisnya ukhwah di atas jalan ini, ukhwah fillah ya ukhti

We always know that, Allah knows us more than we do right? But its a little confusing when there is too much of yourself that you barely know? Hence toughen the process of taaruf with yourself. The questions linger At the back of my head, and gets bigger each time. Who are you? What is inside you? What is your true colour? What is your true feeling? Now some might say, I am living in hypocrisy but alas, this is not hypocrite, its that small feeling inside you that suddenly echoes questioning things that you have thought you had knew since the day you were born. Gosh I feel terrible and messy. Wait, inhale and exhale. Yes I am 21 years old this year, big enough to decide my own future. Oh Allah, help me *whispers* Alhamdulillah, it still the month of syawal, the month of happiness, and smiles and laughters heard here and there. But somehow I think i have done cruelty to myself, my tarbiyyah dzatiyyah is lowering just like how the smartphones battery get drained with the

Ramadhan has reached its third phase,  while me? Still stagnant and unproductive :( I continue sinning and repenting , its like a spinning turbo, or a AC circuit, not knowing where to go but turning up and down accordingly, Thats the current iman mood, Astaghfirullah thumma astaghfirullah thumma astaghfirullah, without consequences as I normally do,  pouring what is deep down in my heart,  with no certain pattern. I do not know whether I would want to return to malaysia next year, after all that has happened to me, on this short yet meaningful days, since the very day I landed, and this bothers me, either I just decided that for my own good,  or am I just running away from reality?! Currently off for Masjid Hopping or I say that the Conquest of My Soul and to seek for the Night of Lailatul Qadr, Can I be your guest, Ya Khaliq :')