Saturday, October 30, 2010

picnic in college

they came!abah,ummi,maryam,ahmad,sue dah,all the way from shah alam.after a whole miserable week in ktt,it vanished within the second they reached my college,subhanaAllah,penangan family memang kuat!

mind you this was at ktt!and everyone came including sue dah,una and ifah didn't because of school and tuition.
the atmosphere in ktt is stiff and cold,everyone is having their predicaments and exploding here and there,tears spalshing everywhere,by the end of the day,you'll just be left alone and you know for sure that you aren't.Allah has always been with us.

ya khaliq,i've been selfish for the past few months and i won't let it to continue.

the transmission cycle will be broken!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

making choices

life is just about making choices,it was just yesterday i remembered,
 i was given the choice to go to sms pasir puteh
and i chose to go
i was given the choice to take part in organizing the annual dinner for form five
and i chose to be one
i was given the choice to be part of the fesni drama
and i chose to be in
i was given the choice to go for feskott
and i didn't go
i was given the choice to repeat biology paper AS
and i chose to do so
the list goes on and i continue making choices

the funny part is, i rarely disagree
and thats the hardest and wrong part on my side

whenever it comes to choices,the possibility to reject the offer is 0.01
i am so bad at making choices
i truly do

and now when it comes to a situation where you feel your head cracked because of saying yes,its time for No to be the hero.

but since i've walked on this path,life is not just about making choices.nope.that isn't it.its about where you're heading?

sebagaimana khalifah umar abdul aziz yang sentiasa berhati-hati dalam setiap langkahnya dan memastikan setiapa langkhanya mengandungi tujuan,selagi itulah saya yang bukan siapa2 ,melainkan hamba Allah di muka bumi ini,harus mengetahui tujuan hidup saya dan membuat pilihan.

firman Allah swt dalam surah al baqarah ayat 216

"tetapi boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu,padahal itu baik bagimu,dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu,padahal itu tidak baik bagimu.Allah mengetahui,sedang kamu tidak mengetahui"

so for what ever reason,seek Allah first,then choose!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

happy 20th anniversary!

dear abah and ummi

happy anniversary !!!

jazakallah for everything!

love you both so tremendously!

yours sincerely,


Friday, October 15, 2010

playing games and a stroll!

one whole afternoon playing games.and out of all the games there is one game that i would like to announce as the winner,which is

*drums rolling*

 'nama negeri' !! LOL

i think that the name is right,wanee said she called it by that name,and various games which were what we call retro we played when we were in primary.

for me,it has been ages since i've been playing them and some are even new for me!partly,some were base on small 'violence' where we had to smack people on their hands or faces as 'denda'.wanee and harisah were those who we call aggressive and they were always duelling each other because they get to win among us!

'nama negeri' was very hilarious since we had to think to the deepest about anything according to the alphabets given.the toughest one was the letter 'f' where no one could even think of a fruit with the name on it.towards the end,leen searched for it in the dictionary and we found out one fruit with 'f',that is fig which was also called buah tin.memang berilmiah game ni!

then as the day creeped slowly , i wasn't planning to go for exercise but then suddenly,mimi texted and asked whether i was interested to take a stroll at the field?i was doubting myself whether to go or not and then she said chuelah was also following us and i was immediately excited!it has been ages since we have been together like this,seriously.

it was a superb day,and i'm exhausted to the fullest.

i have been grumbling,i haven't been a grateful daughter these few days and thus
 i miss my family .

Sunday, October 10, 2010

raihan in shah alam!

raihan brothers

alhamdulillah,their melody soothes my ears.completely.after more than decades being in the industry.their songs are evergreen.peristiwa subuh for instant,i've been humming that song since i was 5.i mean,i still remember that when i came back to nenek's home that summer,my aunts have been exposing the song to me.and now,i'm 19 years old.big as can be,physically and mentally,and i sing this song,still!i even sang it during a nasyid competition in college.we managed to grab the first runner up,and we're happy.albeit,it shows the song lives.

above,puji-pujian was one of my favourites and plus this time,i get to hear it live by bro amran and his clan and they sang from their heart i suppose because my heart made a somersault whenever the chorus reach  'ucapkan allahhuakbar!'

sebenarnya lagu ini pun still bagi message yang sama dengan previous post
'lihatlah alam terbentang luas'

moments in shah alam

ifah!please take what i said seriously,ohana!

air tangan ummi,the one who carried me in her wombs.

i'm always saying things and doing things without thinking thoroughly,but i guess after thinking and rethinking,i made the right decision.i need a hiatus.i need some self one will miss me don't worry.i need to revive myself.too much amalgamation of emotions have made me step back a few steps back.nantilah,i'm not ready for any breeze walk in front.

i just finish texting shakira.i miss her big times.and there's so much stories and things i need catching up i'm in despair to meet her.

i'm tired putting on a really aches when you are not act being nice when you are not that entirely act being concerned when you are not that concerned.but whats most heart braking is that they take you for granted.its nearly about time you explode and you can't stop yourself from being too.

i hate being amidst people who take me as a passer by in life.i really hope to be a person they will treasure for their entire life.Hey kita satu akidah ok!the bond is there no matter what.we are akhawat.

i'm really turning into a sensitive shit.i can't even bear looking at the pictures from our field trip.there's just no soul in to mr zaini , zeroth law is applicable now.there's no warmth in it.all i can see is my smiling face that radiating smiles.and just that.there's no sincerity.

sadly,did i sit for a while and taddhabur alam.did i sit for a while and appreciate the nature.

sesungguhnya,alam ini dihamparkan untuk kita,manusia,semua isi dalamnya untuk kita,hamba hambaNya yang berfikir.

adakah aku antara hamba-hamba yang berfikir?

Friday, October 8, 2010

another day of an emotional day.

i don't know when it will end.
i guess the feeling of outcasted is being significant.the feeling of unwanted is even more.the fact that no one called until you call back.the fact that no one tells you any current activities until you call back.the fact that no stories are treasured bonding ever occurred.

by this time,no more dakwah fardhiah to spread and practice.

no more being a 'role model' since you have never in your life shown a good example

no more trying to crack jokes because your humours are junk

no more trying to please everyone because you were always a burden

you are the dirt that trails around the house.that only smothers places and get people pissed off.the dirt that is rubbish and only just wait for seconds to be trashed out.

i currently regret the fact that i returned home

i regret to be part of them

i regret to be the eldest

i regret because i'm useless

i can't dream anymore because it has been shattered since the day i was born.

people say they long to be home,to be closer to their beloved,to share every laughters and tears.i used to.until i found out that,i have no one home to do one to bother where i've one to bother what i've been one to giggle one to laugh out one to embrace me when i'm in the shallowest one to lend their shoulders and ears.

practically no one to do that.

i long for someone to share stories with me.

i long for someone to tell me secrets.

i long for a kiss on the forehead before i get a good night's rest

i long to feel belonged.

the art of cooking

its not that hard to get the kitchen rolling.i guess you need some urge and a push,and by the time you realise,you're nearly half way done!

mayang was having a fever and its her birthday this upcoming saturday,so i decided to do a little upcoming surprise.i decided to cook tom yam.with help from nad and wanee buying the groceries and then wanee once again helped in sorting and cutting the veggies,nabilah taib started off by 'menumis' garlic onions and then we simply tossed the chicken and veggies in, I had  to add some chilli sauce because of the pale look it gave.and after waiting for some series of time,jadila jugak lastly.miza top up with omelette.voila!

ada rupa la at least.

i guess i get to be in the lists of those who 'know' how to cook,i'm not that bad.LOL

mayang,happy upcoming birthday
wanee,semakin hari semakin sayang kau

Saturday, October 2, 2010

La taghdob fihuna

I'm nt used to being told off what else being shouted at.but,sadly that was what happened yesterday.because of my unawareness and lack of senses you scolded me right at my face.yes,i am put to guilt,but i was so shocked.totally petrified that i shattered into pieces.but being with friends regenerated my spirits.whats most important,my niyah being here.i guess i'm just glad with what happened throughout the camp.albeit,sangat sedih bila berlaku depan mata,orang melayu merangkap2 reciting mathurat,verses of quran.semangat berkobar terus membakar in order for shahadatul haq to be acknowledged by them.insyaAllah.