i guess the feeling of outcasted is being significant.the feeling of unwanted is even more.the fact that no one called until you call back.the fact that no one tells you any current activities until you call back.the fact that no stories are treasured together.no bonding ever occurred.
by this time,no more dakwah fardhiah to spread and practice.
no more being a 'role model' since you have never in your life shown a good example
no more trying to crack jokes because your humours are junk
no more trying to please everyone because you were always a burden
you are the dirt that trails around the house.that only smothers places and get people pissed off.the dirt that is rubbish and only just wait for seconds to be trashed out.
i currently regret the fact that i returned home
i regret to be part of them
i regret to be the eldest
i regret because i'm useless
i can't dream anymore because it has been shattered since the day i was born.
people say they long to be home,to be closer to their beloved,to share every laughters and tears.i used to.until i found out that,i have no one home to do so.no one to bother where i've been.no one to bother what i've been doing.no one to giggle together.no one to laugh out loud.no one to embrace me when i'm in the shallowest feeling.no one to lend their shoulders and ears.
practically no one to do that.
i long for someone to share stories with me.
i long for someone to tell me secrets.
i long for a kiss on the forehead before i get a good night's rest
i long to feel belonged.