Tuesday, March 27, 2012

| self tranquility

I just realised,I sometimes, I don't write from my heart,I write what I know,and that is what bugs me,

I thought I poured out what I felt,instead I spilled out what I knew,so when it reached the time,I didn't know,I couldn't dig a thing out.

I need to start feeling again.

And I felt some part of it since the jaulah to Tanta.

I met Islam again,I met akhawat,I met her which gave a big impression to my whole emotion that day.

How I hope that I really convinced my heart, that I am for Allah.I serve my Lord and I am willing to do anything for Him.Anything,inshaAllah.


Down here, I wanted to scribble that I am wanting to enter an RI yet I fear emotions will out rule tarbiyyah.I know tarbiyyah should outweigh the other,but as a human being that is not flawless, I can't help myself can I?

That is why,before i feel complete attached to them,i should keep my heads down and start figuring some things out,Oh Lord,May you ease our way.

Our road to Jannah.

Monday, March 12, 2012

| Bring it on

Denial is a horrible place to live in,and that is exactly where I am.Denying all sorts of things around me that i have to encounter and besides, I just realised,my biggest inferior is myself,and I keep hovering behind my own shadows,afraid to leap out,afraid to make a change.I hate decision-making which is weird enough for a 21-year old lady, and I depend too much on people.

Thats why,when I lean on them,and they run off,I fall and I can only let tears out instead of standing up again.

Lean on Him, that struck me the moment I realised I was busy moping on unnecessary issues.Yes Him!And for all this while, I have been sleeping in daylight, or day dreaming in class.Being totally alone,kept me thinking, I need some space,I am suffocating yet there's nothing that can be a help unless I help myself.

Waking up a sleeping giant is nearly impossible,but turning over a new leaf and realising what you're doing is twice harder.I rarely put myself in other's shoes when other's face problems,but when I am in their shoes,only then I know,only then I ponder.

these past few days,are a mystery, but it's a good start for the new semester and the new phase.

Welcome back.