In the name of Allah the most gracious the most merciful.
For the past few days,being at home was a blessing.Not hectic enough just peaceful to inhale and exhale air,to carry on living with the pleasure of iman and islam.To be grateful enough to actually see my ummi and abah's glowing faces,to listen and joke around with ifah and maryam who are more opened up about their personal thoughts and to play along with ahmad's mischief.
But its not everyday you get to be in this pleasure.
Within this month,too much have happened to me and how I wish I could pour it all out here.but alas,I can't.I don't know how too.
I know I worry a lot,I worry about what's happening tomorrow,how I am able to cope with tomorrow,will I be strong enough to handle tomorrow.being far from my cliques,muharikah in particular is a very challenging decision.
will I still be breathing and talking for the sake of Allah?
will I still be laughing and smiling and chan…
Alhamdulillah,I am currently at home,and the happiness is different.Way different than before,it's nearly the end of Alevels for me InshaAllah,a new beginning for Ifah and her foundation,Una is struggling on her SPM,Maryam is trying to make peace with UPSR and Ahmad is being his own sweet Ahmad.And my ummi and abah,alhamdulillah as great as ever. Now,after the incident,the mara-stop-sending-students-to-India incident,I really didn't now where to go.To be on the brighter side,I wasn't worried nor was I busying myself filling up forms of applications to any country,all I could say was,'just finish this bloody exam and I'm over it'.The choices were either Republic Czech,Indonesia and RCMP-India. I didn't take too long to reject the Czech application and Indonesia application,due to certain reasons and I ended up having no choice but he one and only RCMP-India.So that was settled. But sooner or later,the issue came back,this time my mum had some other thing in her…
I was in the examination hall, freezing to death below that 20degrees celsius air as soon as i came out of the examination hall, my body relaxed and at last,I could put on a smile,alhamdulillah. The first thing coming across my mind was,I can't stand uber coldness! and on the bright side, Malaysia is not cold. Suddenly RCMP is not a bad choice to start off with after all. :) But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not .(al baqarah : 216)
the world is unfair or am I seeking excuses?sadly,I am blaming all the things that I grasp and let it fade in thin air.Its so hard to be ungrateful yet its so easy to be unsatisfied.
I want to change.I want to turn over a new leaf.But alas,I'm feared of my own self.Imagine living in your own fear?!
Since i was in high school,I was never put among the top scorers.Never.Maybe the laziness and playful acts lead to my worse results.But Alhamdulillah,I knew,with Allah's power,He saved the Day.He loved me in His own way,SubhanaAllah!
And now,here in college,the same thing is happening,only I've never been pressured this much before.I think my tank of iman is running out of fuel yet I'm not even putting enough endevour to fill it up.
Until just now,the happy circle with my usrah kids,exponentially fed the soul.everyone was in tears after one after the other start telling stories of what had happened to them during that week,subhanaAllah.