Sunday, September 30, 2012

1001 Inventions and The Library of Secrets

Muslim's civilisation.

Oh Allah, I believe, that all about you and relating with you is al-haq!

When the heart speaks of love

The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best to my family

Sahih tirmidhi

Since thirteen years old, I have already been away from home but the feeling of sakit rumah( baca: homesick) never fades away.

Adapting yourself in a situation is important to get on moving with life.

Being among them who loves because of Allah is a big deal to nurture love inside us.

Thus, to those who will be flying off,up up and away to a faraway land.

To any land, God calls upon, then just remember, that by remembering Allah, the heart finds peace.

family first, keep you hearts home.

Friday, September 28, 2012

| a word or two

I have safely reached alexandria safe and sound, alhamdulillah.

I look to my left, I see Arabs and then I look to my right, again I see Arabs.Even though this certainly feels surreal, yet this is reality.

Before I even touched the ground of my home, have I already seen Arabs not queuing and shouting at each other at the passport counter.


if only they had the guts to be patient and queue, then all parties would be happy, and things could be processed in a harmonic tone and quicker, wouldn't they?

*sighs heavily*

But the cliche goes, arabs will remain arabs.

Harsh, loud, determined and aggressive.

And this reminds me of a tale an akhawat told me regarding arabs that changed my perspective completely towards arabs.

Once upon a time, in a not so faraway kingdom, where people were worshipping stones, lata and uzza and many more of its kind, a boy, named Muhammad was chosen to be the messenger at this kingdom.

To clean away all the mess of the people, to change from jahiliyyah to 'arifah, from worshipping many to worshipping the One and to be a mankind.

That was Islam, from Allah, taught to Muhammad through Jibrail.

Now people, as we know, Arabs, are very aggressive and heartless people they care less of others but themselves.

So subhanallah, after series of events, dakwah and qudwah hasanah from the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) Islam managed to make its way in the hearts of the arabs.

Imagine that.

Umar al khattab who killed his own daughter heartlessly could cry by just hearing the words of Allah.
Ikrimah, the son of Abu jahal, the number one enemy of rasulullah albeit they were relatives came running to rasulullah for islam after hearing the words of Allah

And many more of these 'magical' tales of arabs falling in love with islam.

now, here comes the point.

If the heartless and aggressive arabs could accept islam, what about us?

us, who could cry for no reason
us, who pitied the poor and unfortunate
us, who still wanted to be a better mankind

thus people, what are we waiting for?
once 'hidayah' comes knocking the door of your heart, please let it in, if 'ad-deen' wanted to be your other half for the rest of your life, please let it be.

Our ad-deen is the most precious of them all, that is what differentiates between us all.
Muslims and the non muslims.

Once I say, the shahadah, then you and I share that bond of aqidah, the greatest bond ever, that ties and unites us all together, despite races, colours nor countries.

nothing can get in the way when it comes to Allah and Rasul.

May allah bless us all for each effort that we try and do, for Allah's sake.


Fi amanillah people :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

| sepoi-sepoi bahasa

I paused and looked at the watch, its now midnight and thus, its 26th of september 2012. And I gasped, *jaw-drop* due to the date. My flight was on the 28th of september morning, and its really the early morning, which was, at 3 am.

So I have like less than 48 hours left with my ummi and abah.

Homesick, and that sad feeling starting to linger around me.

In my family, I am the eldest. The bossiest, the noisiest, the laziest and all those extreme features you could think of but albeit all those, I love my family to the deepest.

When my brother did something horrible that made my dad cross, I cried. When my sister called me names and didn't want to befriend with me, I cried. When my sister cried, I cried to sometimes.

I just love them, 

and knowing that I will be apart for another year, doesn't make me look forward to the long period of it.

But then again,the call of dakwah, shows that I am in need of returning to Egypt. I still need to strive the days to finish up my medical degree. I still need to keep on pushing myself to fight the nafs inside me. I still need to spread the words of islam to people surrounding me.

I always wondered, what was the real source to really get us going in life. Just like how a car needs petrol to move, cats need whiskers to live, fishes need water to survive thus, what do we need to live until the eternal life?

O you who believe, respond to God and the Messenger, with obedience, when He calls you to that which will give you life, in the matter of religion, for it will be the source of everlasting life [for you]; and know that God comes in between a man and his heart, so that he cannot believe or disbelieve except by His will; and that it is to Him that you shall be gathered, and He will requite you for your deeds.
al anfaal-24

Source of everlasting life.

So the source is being obedient, when He calls you to that which will give you life.

Obedient to the Creator, to the Messenger,

thus this will give you everlasting life,


By simply doing dakwah, Allah gives you a life time. How Merciful of Him to give us such gifts?

And dakwah is the engine of life which means, without no engine, still the car wont move, so even though petrol exists, yet it still needs a medium for it to operate, and thus, for us we need to be obedient and do dakwah for us to live happily ever after in Jannah.

Astaghfirullah, may Allah forgive for any slacking and excuses, I should stop doing that. Im an adult now, already 21, and thus, Im big to make decisions.

I'm leaving home, with unfinished chores, meet ups that have to be postponed, cooking lessons that stays unlearnt and the love that can't be fully spread due to some circumstances.

And thus, I need Allah to help me in completing this next time,

That is, if there is another next time.

Until then,

fi amanillah people :)

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Ingatlah, ketika kau tidak punya siapa-siapa selain Allah, Allah itu lebih dari cukup!

-taken from the film di bawah lindungan kaabah

ole-ole from far.

I had pinched myself for the umpteenth time to make myself clear that I am not there anymore, I have left the place, which pretty much bookmarked my heart with its name.

On the night before we returned home, we sort of like made the last detour around the town of Bandar Seri Begawan, ate ice creams , met up with akhawats , had dinner and certainly enjoyed every minute of it.

My jaulah partner, kak mimi said, such a beautiful quote that I myself had the same thing in mind which was,being such a small country and have people with big hearts,

There is too much to pour down here since I landed and arrived safely at home, I would love to write every sharing sessions that we did, every 'ole-ole' from the osem akhawats, every meaningful persinggahan to such beautiful and historical places and the list goes on and on as I can rant on and on.

But let me save it for a while, let me recover myself for sometime, preserving this feeling of contented. This feeling of being in a place that you have never expected or imagined. This feeling of how your heart aches due to missing the sweet smiling akhawats,

Which leads me to share something that I have kept inside me since the very beginning I was there,

An ukhti shared, jalan dakwah and tarbiyyah is pure, with no contamination of sins or whatsoever, so how can Allah, let such sinner like us be on this road? Why does Allah let us contaminate the purity?

And subhanAllah her answer touched me to the deepest.

It was because Allah loves us, and He knows that we sin and continues doing it, but He knows that we want to purify ourselves and want to be purified, and so he gave us a solution that not everybody gets the opportunity.

He lead us the way.

From liking comics to reading islamic articles, we moved on from reading love novels to buying religious books, from wearing just enough-fitted clothing to wearing loose apparels, from being the most sensational gossiper to someone who talks because of Him.

And many more that you get in tarbiyyah.


Positive changes,

And thus, he cleaned us from the sins by letting us being 'washed' in jalan dakwah and tarbiyyah, and so, continuously 'washing' us so that we get His redha, which is permissions to keep on going in life.

To live for the sake of Allah.

Fi amanillah people  :)

Sunday, September 23, 2012

She fell in love, with Him through them.

I gasped the air due to suffocation. And was okay after taking a deep breath. My jaws dropped.I was not expecting all this. This is awesome. This is surreal. I have never felt contented as this ever before.

How many times have I said,

Well, Allah never failed to give me nikmat let alone reduce the amount of the nikmat.


For all that you have made me pass through, you have made me become, and for what you will plan in future.


With love from Borneo.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

| today was not a fairytale

Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes help me, and sometimes opposes me

imam ghazali 

Have I faced many things today? Indeed I have. I faced rejections, failures due to bad planning and lack of organizing spirits, money flowing, exhauster, greedily eating dinner, thinking of the same person of whom i should not.

What have I got today.

Just being grateful to Allah.

When you think that you had plan something with all your might, and it didn't go as you planned, then know and remind yourself that the Al-Mighty has planned something better.

Again, thank you ya Rabb <3

| emoticon streaming face :'(

Got I message from Elis, saying how she missed me, with a streaming face, and yes, it made me into tears too.

I am missing someone too, because all I want is a hug right now,

A great big hug!

| The road to Happiness

Dear Lord,

I was far busy thinking of what to bring, looking through the internet attractive places, reading reviews of people who've been there, and checking rates of the current currency and the list continues faithfully of things been done, yet I almost forgot the purpose of doing this.

So have they not traveled through the earth and have hearts by which to reason and ears by which to hear? For indeed, it is not eyes that are blinded, but blinded are the hearts which are within the breasts.

al hajj  : 46

I almost forgot that I have to pack my heart to bring there.
*Renewing intentions*
Putting both hands on chest and taking deep breaths.
Dead nervous actually.

| up up and away we go!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

| I'm a big big girl, in a big big world


Happy. Sad. Excited. Nonchalant.


They come and go whenever they want, they empower and take control of yourself. And the only way to get back at them, is overpower them with iman.

Feelings are creatures that can't be seen but exist, they are a gift from Allah yet only little realises that, only some are grateful for them, and some don't even bother whether they exist or not.

Today, I got my feelings to empower me, and it caught me by surprise at how quickly I could switch from annoyed to relax, from anger to calmness, from depressed to joy.

And it gave determination in me, that Allah watches us every second without fail.
Yes, I repeat, every second without fail.

He knows when to give us the feeling that suits us, even if we felt that we had encountered such a horrible experience, but beyond that super duper horrible moment, there is a silver lining behind it.

Cheer up, okay!

And so the story of my birthday begins.

For me, birthdays are big issues, i always had my way of celebrating with a mandatory presence of a cake, at least a slice of it and wishes from people who loved you.

Regardless various opinions of birthdays, some may agree and some may simply oppose to the idea of celebrating of it.

Its a yes for me!

For me, its a sign of dignity, it shows that officially, you have just stepped a year older, and then life indirectly goes different.

Some may be better, some may just stay off track, but whatever it is, death still awaits ahead of us!

And so, here goes today, 15th september 2012 which is 28 syawal 1433.

As midnight struck, sue dah (my aunty) came running to me wishing me my birthday! She said I was 21 and ready to be passed 'the key' and i was like, what key?

she even gave me a peck on the cheek and made be blushed because we never do those mushy gesture, but it planted some warm feeling inside, then a dear friend of mine, in Alexandria, nabilah known as nuna wished through twitter.

A girl asked how nuna knew it was my birthday and she said that she even marked her calender!

And then Miza wished through whassap and I got a call from a friend back then when I was in my girls school.

She started the conversation by bombing me with anger and frustration how awful i was to easily forget old friends and not contacting at all in such a long period. But she didn't fail to paint a smile on my face. I felt like I immediately wanted to hug her, because I miss her dearly.She ended the conversation with singing happy birthday to me, after all those telling offs ;)

Then I got a message from che ngah(my other aunty) and lily my adik usrah back in ktt.

So I was greeted through one malaysia methodology!


what I meant was, nearly all sort of methods were used to be wishing me happy birthday, facebook, face to face, whassap, twitter, messages, calls.

And throughout the day, flooded by facebook wishes, twitter wishes, message wishes, whassap wishes, I was flattered,

Even though, some might not remember my birthday, in addition with reminders nowadays, people still care, and bother to wish a simple HB or sanah helwah and not to forget wishes saying May Allah bless us all,

I couldnt say and wish less, except make du'a that you guys may encounter a very peaceful and merciful life,

jazakumullah khair kathiran to all of those who cared.

may our happiness is showered with rahmah!

Sanah helwah Ya Gameelah to me, Aqeelah :)

p/s for my adorable father and mother , jazakumullah khair kathiran for the gifts. And you, for your email .

Monday, September 10, 2012

| perfect picture


We were at the airport yesterday, sending off Una to Jordan. And when we wanted to return home, Abah told us to perform asr prayer and off we went.

Suddenly, I realised Ahmad was still with headphones and his new ps vista as if he didnt want to let go of it. And so my sister ifah, softly spoke to him saying that he needed to leave both the headphone and ps vista to mum before performing solah. I mean logically, you don't go prying with all those stuff on your body, right?!

And he wasn't responding as if he didn't want to move from the place he was standing, as if he didn't care what we said.I got impatient and furious, saying out loud,

"suka hati Ahmadla nak jumpa Allah macamana!"

My sister ifah, looked at me warningly and told me under her breath,

"cakap elok-elok sikit, macamana nak dakwah orang macam tu"

and that stabbed and pierced my heart.


I thought I was in madrasah tarbiyyah, yet why don't I act as one? I cant even speak nicely to my siblings, and sometimes we fight because of my harsh words or bossy acts.

That's one issue, I always get in usrah about how we should show qudwatun hasanah and how to act nicely to people, but practically, its tougher than only knowing it and scribbling it down in my buku usrah!

Another thing was, how I am to indulged with internet that I tend to spend long hours on it which leads me to sleeping late at night and opening the youtube channels watching movies or stories that doesn't increase the iman at all and listening to absurd songs like the oppa gangnam song.



di bawa arus dunia yang membimbangkan.

I remembered an ukhti shared about her own story at home, at that time, she was watching the television,and she had just got back form somewhere and wanted to rest for a while,and she chose to watch the television but he shadn't prayed Zuhr yet, suddenly her brother came to ask her whether she had prayed yet.

Listening to her answer, her brother said,

"Lalai, lalai, kalau boleh biarlah kita punya perangai sama padan dengan tudung yang labuh tu"


Terasa, tertusuk, tergolek dek dihunus tajamnya kata-kata yang benar.

Maybe it was that ukhti's story but it reflected me the most.


Those things that makes us further from Allah, is jahilyyah. Bad things we used to do before we had usrah, things we did before we know good deeds and tarbiyyah is jahiliyyah.

And jahiliyyah is a friend of the devil.

So we try to wash of the stains of jahiliyyah through our repentance, through our sincerity in our ibadah, through our increment in our ibadah.

But why does it come back, even though we had done so many things to get rid of it!

Jahiliyyah is like a boomerang, it returns no matter how far we throw it away, thus we need to build a strong wall of iman and taqwa, so it is as far as possible, away from us,
So its not the length of time we had join usrah and tarbiyyah which determines how good we are or how far we had changed, but the sincerity and the determination in grabbing Allah's love and mardatillah which boost you to become a better person.

Don't look down on people but don't go worshipping them, no one is ever perfect but everyone deserves to be treated perfectly nice.

You and I share the strong bond of Aqidah,

so please, correct me if I'm wrong.

| wake me up when september ends

The month of Syawal is nearly closing its curtains, and so are my holidays. Its ending. And sadness is starting to linger inside me.

Sad because of unaccomplished to-do-list in malaysia things, which I wrote back in Egypt. Sad because my weight is increasing tremendously and I can feel the heaviness of myself when I walk, run or even talk, I get tired easily and sad because I have spent my holidays waking up late and nearly sleeping, all the time.
Every second.

My ummi nags, my abah sighs, my sister scolds me, but I dont seem to care. Its not like I purposely do it, but it just happens.

I get sad, repent, and the next day it happens again as if I was not guilty of excessive sleeping.

To be honest, sleeping is a very big issue to me, I am a deep sleeper, I have a very hard time waking up by my own and worst, my subuh is always mortgaged just so that I can continue sleeping.


This is embarassing, some might say, this is your issue, your own problem and thus you solve it yourself.

*sobs tearfully*

I've tried, it worked for a few days, and then it wears off.

Saya malu dengan Allah
Saya malu dengan Rasulullah
Saya malu dengan para sahabat
Saya malu dengan ummi and abah
Saya malu dengan adik beradik
Saya malu dengan akhawat
Saya malu dengan semua,

And thus, deep down from me, I seek for du'as and support from all.

 Wahai yang berselimut, berdirilah, ambil cintamu di langit, tuk ditebar di bumi

salim a fillah 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

| 010912

this time, we met because of Him,
dan kerna manisnya ukhwah di atas jalan ini,
ukhwah fillah ya ukhti