| wake me up when september ends

The month of Syawal is nearly closing its curtains, and so are my holidays. Its ending. And sadness is starting to linger inside me.

Sad because of unaccomplished to-do-list in malaysia things, which I wrote back in Egypt. Sad because my weight is increasing tremendously and I can feel the heaviness of myself when I walk, run or even talk, I get tired easily and sad because I have spent my holidays waking up late and nearly sleeping, all the time.
Every second.

My ummi nags, my abah sighs, my sister scolds me, but I dont seem to care. Its not like I purposely do it, but it just happens.

I get sad, repent, and the next day it happens again as if I was not guilty of excessive sleeping.

To be honest, sleeping is a very big issue to me, I am a deep sleeper, I have a very hard time waking up by my own and worst, my subuh is always mortgaged just so that I can continue sleeping.

Allahuallah.

This is embarassing, some might say, this is your issue, your own problem and thus you solve it yourself.

*sobs tearfully*

I've tried, it worked for a few days, and then it wears off.

Saya malu dengan Allah
Saya malu dengan Rasulullah
Saya malu dengan para sahabat
Saya malu dengan ummi and abah
Saya malu dengan adik beradik
Saya malu dengan akhawat
Saya malu dengan semua,

And thus, deep down from me, I seek for du'as and support from all.

 Wahai yang berselimut, berdirilah, ambil cintamu di langit, tuk ditebar di bumi

salim a fillah