We always know that, Allah knows us more than we do right? But its a little confusing when there is too much of yourself that you barely know? Hence toughen the process of taaruf with yourself.
The questions linger At the back of my head, and gets bigger each time.
Who are you?
What is inside you?
What is your true colour?
What is your true feeling?
Now some might say, I am living in hypocrisy but alas, this is not hypocrite, its that small feeling inside you that suddenly echoes questioning things that you have thought you had knew since the day you were born. Gosh I feel terrible and messy.
Wait, inhale and exhale.
Yes I am 21 years old this year, big enough to decide my own future.
Oh Allah, help me *whispers*
Alhamdulillah, it still the month of syawal, the month of happiness, and smiles and laughters heard here and there.
But somehow I think i have done cruelty to myself, my tarbiyyah dzatiyyah is lowering just like how the smartphones battery get drained with the addition of forgetting to bring back the charger, so the phone is kind of useless, and worried i might turn into those useless smartphones!
Bagaimana dengan perkembangan tarbiyyah anda sepanjang cuti? apakah yang anda lakukan untuk recharge iman anda?
Yang saya tahu dan sedar, saya sudah rindu biah mesir.But it doesnt mean that i am excited to return back because Im still getting to know my family members and i feel the sparks this year between them is different compared the last time I left them to come to Egypt.
And thus, due to this, I want to get to know myself.To be able to decide things that are related to my future.
i dont want to do things bluntly and influenced by others.
There is too many things that I want, have I given enough or even more to Him the Provider?
may Allah forgive me if i am complaining too much with life
Rabbana dzalamna anfusana wa illam taghfirlana warhamna lanakunanna minal khasirin
ameen Ya Rabb!