amalgamation of thoughts

Ukhti, When you told me, you were going to leave, a few months back, I was cool. and when you told me again a few hours back, I was not cool. Please don't leave, ukht. I am missing you, and will miss you. I think I'm not able to bare any losses again, yet. I learnt from you,  to cook dengan hanya campak-campak sahaja,  to clean the sink right after cooking,  to keep the room clean and tidy,  to love mom and dad as they are,  to study thoroughly no matter what, and to wake up in the early morning for tahajjud. You surely taught me a lot. ;'(

Ini aku suatu ketika dahulu, sewaktu jiwa masih ampuh, masih tiada hala tuju, menjadi sang robot,  dengan menyangka hidup ini untuk hidup sahaja, aku jahil, aku tidak tahu menahu tentang pembinaan individu muslimun itu. dan ini aku sekarang, berbekalkan jiwa yang semakin stabil, cuba berdiri walaupun kadangkala rebah, tersungkur sujud kebumi, tapi aku sudah bukan sang robot, aku sudah keluar dari belenggu kejahilan, kini aku sedar betapa penting pembinaan manusiawi itu, aku cuba berdiri gah,  sebagai hamba Allah, sebagai abid Allah, sebagai seorang individu muslim. #memoriKTT #awaltarbiyyah

Dear little one,  Quench the thirst as much as you can, as long as you can,  Just now, You were still drinking milk from mummy, And now, You are using your own tiny limbs, just to grab a drink of water. #nadineimanirauhillah #reflectingmychildhood

Hati terasa begitu kosong, hidup terasa seperti zombie, itulah perasaanya semalam. Sambil menghela nafas panjang, lantas meng'whatsapp' adik, 'akak dah tunggu awak dibawah' 'okay' balasnya sepatah lantas adik itu pun turun, dan kami terus bergandingan ke pantai. Sambil-sambil bertukar-tukar khabar sebab dah lama tak bersua, alasannya, masing-masing menghadapai musim peperiksaan, akhirnya, sudah nampak kelibat pantainya, indah subhanaAllah. Terus kami menuju ke arah nafak(terowong) dan menyeberangi jalan dengan melalui nafak tersebut sehingga kami betul-betul bertentangan dengan laut dan angin menampar-nampar muka kami. Lantas dari perbualan rancak, terus terdiam, tenang melihatkan alam. Ruh segera menyahut seruan alam, tamparan angin, pukulan ombat di lautan dan manusiawi lalu lalang, mencukupkan segalanya pada hari itu, 'kita nak duduk mana dik' 'tak kisah kak' Lalu kami menyelusuri tempat pejalan kaki sambil disambut deruan angi

To me, arab was such a hard language to conquer. I could not, and did not know how to motivate myself to even get involved by this language itself. At that time, I just couldn't bring together arab language, and the language used in the al quran were just the same! Until I reached here, in Egypt. I was so excited to the fact that after this, I might not need to use the translation upon listening to an ayat recited. Yeay! So once I reached here, and settled down and realised one thing. why on earth are these arabs talking a mixed language? instead of ana azhabu ilal madrasah they were saying ana bitruh ilal madrasah (the sentence above bothe means i want to go to school) so it was bitruh, not azhabu then ana uridu bikilo thaum wa jazar they would say ana aizah tum wa gazar bikilo (the sentence above means i want to have a kilo of garlic and carrots. so now, it was aizah instead of uridu, tum istead of thaum, gazar instead of gazar.

sometimes, I write for the sake of writing, and sometimes, I tend usrah for the sake of usrah. Keep holding on.

sampai bila, kita nak jadi, seperti pahat dan penukul, sekali diketuk, baru tembus, apabila mendengarkan peringatan, baru terhegeh-hegeh nak beringat, apabila membacakan status da'wi, baru sibuk-sibuk nak;  like,  share, buat status baru juga, apabila melihatkan orang meluru berbuat kebaikan, baru terburu-buru nak buat amal ibadah melangut juga, apabila orang score dalam exam, baru nak buat jadual belajar, apabila orang tutup aurat dulu, baru tersedar nak ikut syariat juga, apabila keluar sana sini demi tuntutan da'wi, baru kita terkocoh-kocoh menyahut seruan syahadatul haq itu, sampai bila? sampai bila, ada orang buat, baru nak buat juga, sampai bila? sampai bila, orang memberi kekuatan, baru nak rasa diperkuatkan, sampai bila? sampai bila, nak jadi, seperti pahat dan penukul, sampai bila? sampai orang LAIN dahulu yang temui syahid ke? T-T p/s its 25th of nov, a month to go for the new year to come p/s/s upon reaching the age

when words cannot describe, when pictures just doesn't portray, then its not the words that are needed, nor the pictures that aren't able to picture the message, bahagia. susunan ayat mungkin tidak mampu mencapai erti kebahagiaan sebenarnya, mahupun rajah yang  sepatutnya menunjukkan kebahagiaan juga tak mampu menjadi kayu ukur bahagia. Biarlah dia bahagia, kita mendoakan dia, Biarlah mereka bahagia, kita mendoakan mereka, berbahagialah dengan apa yang ada, kerana kita takkan rasa kebahagiaan kalau kita yang tak nak rasakannya. cuba menjadi insan bahagia

allahumma saiban nafi'an allah yang menurunkan hujan, rahmatilah kami dengan hujanmu! Dulu, i used to chant some nursery rhyme i learnt in reception, It went like this, Rain, rain go away  Come again another day. Halt. Go away? Why on earth would we want the rain to go?  Hujan itu rahmat buat seluruh alam,  Buat pokok-pokok Buat manusia manusia Buat haiwan haiwan Jadi, mana mungkin kita minta pula untuk diberhentikan hujan. In Alexandria, Hujan tanda perubahan musim, From summer to winter. Indeed, alam juga perlukan perubahan, inikan manusia, memang perlukan penghijrahan. Kini sudah meniti hari ke dua belas dalam bulan muharram, menandakan sudah hampir cecah setengah bulan dalam tahun baru dalam kalender islam.  1435 Banyak benda yang nak diresolusikan untuk hijrah kali ini, tapi Allah sediakan diri ini lebih awal dan dari banyak tragedi yang tidak disangka-sangka. Jadi, after readjusting, kini cuba untuk merealisasikan penghijrahan itu. The chant of rain should supposedly be,  Rai

me : do you have a blog? A: ada ke orang ada blog sekarang? me: *speechless* Its hard to explain, I still blog, though once I while, I still do, and I like doing it, I still keep a diary with me, maybe I do not write everything daily, but I still do. Its hard to explain, Because writing here, jus makes me feel, satisfied. I do not mind, either that I have less than 10 viewers or maybe none, because I know that my blog is always viewed by Him and the Angels. Compared to updating statuses, or twittering way, or even instagram-ing, tumblr-ing, and many more, I still think, I need to keep blogging. Indeed I do. Its not about viewers, or likers, or commenters. Its something unexplainable, because you have got to do it to understand it. Like doing da'wah, you wouldn't totally understand and know how it feels unless you start doing it. So which ever you prefer, its up to you, to choose.

aku lihat, aku scroll up and down, dan kembali melihatkan blog, yang masih segan hidup mati tak mahu ini. sudah punah pengunaan bahasa inggeris ini, grammar entah ke mana, vocabs makin lemau, structure ayat tak menarik etc etc etc, and feeling gloomy because of that, due to the habit of reading then less than 10 books in a year, and rarely conversing in english, thus the language doesn't stay inside me, its vague now, almost turning into a permanent loss, mungkin begitulah juga hati, apabila tidak membaca al quran, dengan constant, maka hati itu mengeras tanpa sedar, namun, berbekalkan rahmat Allah, dengan sensitivity iman yang berbaki, masih boleh kita merangkak dalam lemah, mencari Dia, mengislah diri. terkilan dengan diri.

Jumu'ah barakah, Look at the picture thoroughly, It actually shows us, Beberapa saff ketika solat jumaat tadi. In egypt, People just pray anywhere,  Because dimana-mana sahaja, semuanya bumi Allah. In Egypt, azan overlaps, Because, dimana-mana, semuanya mahu jumpa Allah. In Egypt, doa serta harapan sering diucapkan, because, dimana-mana, semuanya mahu keredhaanNya In Egypt, hampir every corner ada masjid, Because dimana- mana, semuanya memudahkan mereka mendekati Pencipta Namun, tidaklah seindah tulisan ini, keadaan di egypt, Diceritakan oleh anak usrah pada petang tadi, Pasca revolution thaniah(kedua) ini, Ada antara mereka yang merasakan islam itu adalah, keturunan, adat, ikutan semata Lalu merasakan revolusi itu adalah keluar dari belenggu tribulasi dan mehnah Dan ada yang tidak ingin kepada pemerintahan syari'e Dan ada yang merasakan tidak perlu kepada aurat ataupun batasan Cukuplah mengaku adanya Allah dan m

 A glimpse of the mediterranean sea, Along with the big bulky rocks, Having breakfast of nasi lemak,  While the People were having a jog or breeze walking, Wih Cats playing and jumping around, Being uninvited visitors to our rendezvous, The sound of ; Wind blowing, Waves wrecking, The sun peeping out sheepishly, shining the whole of Alexandria, The world was shadowed by the velvety clouds, The one moment i forgot to say alhamdulillah, to the one who created such beauty. alhamdulillah thum alhamdulillah.

I am someone who easily gets jealous with other peoples happiness. Now i know, thats bad enough aint it? Sangkaan dan self non satisfaction, Apabila orang ada anak usrah yang happening, i get jealous and feels as if my anak usrah is not as happening as that. Apabila orang boleh bagi taujihat kaw kaw, i get jealous and feel as if i give taujihat lemau segantang Apabila orang pakai baju jubah lawa, or blouse labuh labuh lawa, I get jealous, blame myself why im a plus size and feels as if i myself is wreckless in style Apabila ada orang memang boleh in dengan segenap jenis manusia, i get jealous and think that i dont know how to mingle with others and as if i cannot be a whole rounded muslim Apabila orang selalu on a vacation with their family, i get jealous and ponders back at my own family, where we rarely get to gather due to us studying abroad Apabila ada kawan yang sudah pun kahwin, bakal atau sudah pun menimang cahaya mata, i get jealous of them finding their perfect match and about

*blowing the dirt off the dusty blog* Hari ini, tarikhnya cantik. 1 Muharram 1435. Hijrah. Since I reached Alexandria a few weeks ago, its been extraordinarily quiet. Which some of the big reasons was because some of the people who I love fillah, decided to return back to malaysia. To be brief for those who don't understand, because of the recent riots happening in Egypt,since its the second wave, people have been worried ever since, thus, the ministry of education decided to give alternatives to students in egypt, to study elsewhere. And they chose malaysia. I came in 2011, knowing nothing about Egypt let alone Alexandria, and only letting Allah plan my way. Kemudian, 7 Zulhijjah dipertemukan dalam usrah yang pertama di beyt ulfah, dengan mereka. Mereka yang banyak mengajar erti kehidupan, persahabatan, percintaan. Bermurobbikan dia yang memahamkan kembali tentang tarbiyyah dan dakwah ini. Setahun bersama mereka, suka dan duka, gembira dan terluka, semua ada, y

We welcome you month we all adore We pray for happiness and more to all the people open up your door Peace, Love and Joy Let them soar Welcome holy month Ramadan Warning! you are in need of listening to a nasheed while reading the post below, Sung beautifully by Sheikh Mishary Alafasy entitled Ramadhan. It's true, its nearly week since we've been fasting, and I have just being through it, trying to enhance a feeling. A feeling that I wasn't actually feeling whole heartedly. A feeling only that I discovered in this video did by my fellow cliques in Alexandria. My hearts was captured with the words, and I couldnt hold the tears anymore. We need therapy and remedy for our soul. Take the opportunity from this Ramadhan to remove all the 'zombies' in ourselves. Jazakumullah khair to those involved in the making of this clip and sharing it. The antidote. Antidote for the sins i did. Antidote for the bad deeds I'd done.

In arabic : بالحب تلقاك البدور ضيف الأماني والسرور فيك العطايا والاجور يا مرحبا زين الشهور In french : Jour après jour , un monde d'amour des océans , soyez la bienvenue Meilleur des mois , bienvenue bonheur et joie Notre mois saint , bonheur et bien In english : We welcome you month we all adore We pray for happiness and more to all the people open up your door Peace, Love and Joy Let them soar Welcome holy month Ramadan احلى القوافي والنشيد في مقدم الشهر السعيد النور في الدنيا يزيد والرب تواب شكور رمضان رمضان Welcome holy month Ramadan welcome ramadhan Something happened in Egypt again. Not now, oh fatah assisi, not again, not during Ramadhan! Dear Egypt, I hope from deep down of my heart, as the opposition hits the muslims, the muslims rise higher,  we have Allah right! From me. Yasmin Mogahed said, Dear Egypt,  "Do not let the hatred of a people prevent you from being just. Be just; that is nearer to righteou

It was just last night, I wrote about the positive vibe. Striving happily to live on. Suddenly, *kaboom* Irhal means get out in arabic. Lightning struck, it was like a nightmare in daylight. The 48-hours to politician given by the army, ended when the leader announced overthrowning of Dr Morsy and reelection will be done for everyones satisfaction. Dr Morsy power as a president elected in a democratic party was toppled by an order given by the army. Who on earth do they think they were? But still, damaged was done, fireworks were cracked and gunshot struck the darkness of night, the tamarrud (anti-morsi) celebrated, and tearful tajarrud(pro-morsi) also celebrated with takbir and tahmid. Muhasabah mode. a beautiful graffiti on the wall of a building The battle in Egypt is crystal clear, its light against darkness, its white againts black, its haq against batil. Up until the moment where us the muslims, are still carried away by the fana of the dunya,

Tarik nafas, buang nafas. Dengan menyaksikan ribuan penyokong alHaq,  Permulaan bulan masihi, bulan julai,  Dr Morsi sekali lagi memulakan tampuk pemerintahannya untuk tahun kedua ;) [kredits]

"You either write your own script, or you become an actor in somebody else's script."  - Weapons of Mass Instruction

93 million miles from the Sun, people get ready get ready, 'cause here it comes it’s a light, a beautiful light, over the horizon into our eyes Oh, my my how beautiful, oh my beautiful mother She told me, "Son in life you’re gonna go far, and if you do it right you’ll love where you are Just know, that wherever you go, you can always come back home" 240 thousand miles from the Moon, we’ve come a long way to belong here, To share this view of the night, a glorious night, over the horizon is another bright sky Oh, my my how beautiful, oh my irrefutable father, He told me, "Son sometimes it may seem dark, but the absence of the light is a necessary part. Just know, you’re never alone, you can always come back home" Every road is a slippery slope There is always a hand that you can hold on to. Looking deeper through the telescope You can see that your home’s inside of you. Just know, that wherever you go, no you’re never alone, you will always g

Mengapa kau tinggalkan kami wahai suamiku?” seru wanita itu penuh tanda tanya Lelaki itu Ibrahim a.s diam tidak menjawab. Ia hanya berhenti sejenak, menghela nafas dalam-dalam menahan esak.   “Mengapa kau tinggalkan kami wahai suamiku?” Yang ditanya tetap lagi mendiamkan diri. Dalam hatinya berkecamuk sejuta rasa. Dia berasa sangat bersalah meninggalkan isteri dan putera yang dicintainya itu berseorangan di padang pasir penuh gersang. Dia yang menanti-nanti kelahiran buah hati berpuluh tahun lamanya. Dia yang melalui malam-malamnya dengan doa-doa, memohon agar ada tangis kecil yang memecah kesunyian rumahnya.   Kini Allah telah memberikan anugerah itu Ismail. Dan kini, Allah tiba-tiba memintanya meninggalkan Ismail dan ibunya di tanah tidak berpenghidupan ini. Ia akan merasa sepi lagi. Ia akan dilanda khawatir tak bertepi. Tetapi apakan daya seorang hamba ? Dan mengapa harus dia berprasangka sebegitu pada Allah? Ya, ia redha dengan perintahnya. Hanya saja ia tidak sanggup menjaw

 “Terima kasih atas kesetiaanmu padaku di jalan yang penuh dengan kesulitan ini. Semoga Allah mempersatukan kita dalam kehidupan yang lebih indah di sisiNya” ucap khalifah umar abdul aziz, lembut sahaja menyapa, isterinya fatimah abdul malik.

Rumah adalah tempat lahirnya diri ini, usrah tempat kelahiran itu diberi erti ustaz hasrizal

Mata melilau-lilau, melihat hiruk pikuk di tempat baru, kediaman baru, ibrahimeyya. Yes indeed, I've moved to a new place, a new start, cuba menyahut seruan maratib amal itu sendiri. Dalam kita membina individu muslim, akan lebih dibantu pembinaanya dengan adanya kita dalam rumah islam. Rumah yang di dalamnya, hidup bi'ah solehah itu oleh mereka yang mempunyai ruh-ruh yang ingin di tarbiyyah. But it ain't easy. We have to bear the teeny weeny bit of emotions and feelings with every tadhiyah (sacrifice) that we make. And for someone as impatient as I am, it was real hard at the beginning. And it will continuously remain hard for as long as I'm okay to withstand the pressure. Dan saat itulah, kita perlu melihat dari sudut mata hati untuk cuba berlapang dada in almost every single thing happening around us. Kadangkala, kita terus terus melihat, melontar pandangan ke hadapan dan sedaya upaya cuba mencari ibrah dalam setiap detik. Tapi kita lupa, kadang-kadang, m

Things are different now, I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without, that's you. Iron Man 3

Beautiful. Indeed, words are beautiful. I believe in expressions through words. Either verbally or written. Words can turn out as a magical incantation and for me, words from people out there, are words from Allah. Benarlah, hakikatnya Allah yang mengilhamkan kepada kita semuanya. And I will keep holding on to that. Either expressed through the Broca's Area, a region of motor neurons in the brain that control speech or interpreted through the Wernicke's Area, a region also found in the brain that recognizes language, words communicate people. And for me, I choose both, expressing verbally and through writings . But I somehow love writing more, because I can express things from the bottom of my heart and at that instance I feel the intimacy between me and that piece of paper. And that exclusive moment with my Creator is beautiful, because it is He who understand us perfectly. Maka ingatlah kepadaKu,Aku pun akan ingat kepadamu.Bersyukurlah kepadaKu, dan janganlah

Jumbling up words. Running out of ideas. Waking up as the sun rises. The time is running out, and I'm out of breath. Sunburned, tanned, exhausted.

I always make du'a for Allah to hasten the jodoh for all my single sisters with a pious and great men who will be the coolness of their eyes. Please make loads of du'a for yourselves too. Never lose hope in the mercy of Allah.  “Hook up with Allah and Allah will hook you up”, remember? :) A wife is like a gift to a man. And there is a hadith that goes like this: "This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is righteous women.” - Sahih Muslim 10/56. So prepare yourself to be a gift (and not a test) to your future husband, so that one day he will hold you and look lovingly in your eyes and say “Alhamdulillah”. took from ukht Zarina Zul Mukhshar, A note to all my single girlfriends. Reference: https://www.facebook.com/notes/zarina-zul-mukhshar/a-note-of-love-to-all-my-single-girlfriends/10150905386239008

How beautiful, is this worldly life But not a soul shall remain We all come into this world Only to leave it one day I can see that everything around me Rises then fades away Life is just a passing moment Nothing is meant to stay, oh This worldly life has an end And it's then real life begins A world where we will live forever This beautiful worldly life has an end It's a just bridge that must be crossed To a life that will go on forever So many years, quickly slipping by Like the Sleepers of the Cave Wake up and make a choice Before we end up in our graves O God! You didn't put me here in vain I know I'll be held accountable for what I do This life is just a journey And it's taking me back to You So many get caught in this beautiful web Its gardens become an infatuation But surely they'll understand at the final stop That its gardens are meant for cultivation, oh an inspired poem by Fethullah Gullen.

Dan sungguh, kelapangan dan ketenanganlah yang didambakan di kala keserabutan atau kesempitan melanda. Sungguh kita bukan seperti nabi muhammad, yang hatinya disucikan oleh Jibril, yang dirakamkan di dalam surah al-insyirah, ayat yang pertama, bukankah kami telah melapangkan dadamu? tapi kita dibekali kisah nabi musa, yang memohon untuk hati yang tenang, yang dirakamkan dalam surah taha, ayat kelima, Dia berkata, "Ya Tuhanku, lapangkanlah dadaku," Jadi, kita tahu bahwasanya kita perlu memastikan jiwa kita besar, agar hidup dimaknai dengan sibghah islam itu. Kerja-kerja nabi itu pun, banyak rintangan dan syaratnya, sudah tentunya mereka punyai, hati yang jitu, kesabaran yang padu namun masih perlu ada dada yang lapang itu agar beban terasa senang, Sungguh bicara Allah tidak pernah lekang meniti dalam sanubari kita, kerna aku amat merinduimu Sang Pencipta!

We walked hands in hands through the meadows full of poppies and daffodils, with a smile on each faces. Indeed I was happy, because I'm Islam and you're Imaan . Thank you Allah for this gift.

Anytime soon the plane was about to board. It was our last meet up and I still haven't said anything until now. I started scribbling something, " I love you ukhti fillah, see you at Home ,           Take care." I folded the paper and gave it to her.And upon recieving, she gave a sudden hug ,a brief but firm one, and tears started filling my eyes, And, I was off.

I couldn't handle it anymore, tears started streaking down along with the pouring rain. I walked as fast as I could until I almost bumped into a broad figure. "You again?" I said. The figure smiled, while unfolding an umbrella, "Would you like to join me?"

The sun was about to set, as he eventually came. Just as I caught a glimpse of his motorbike, my heart sunk.

Venue : Petra, Jordan Sebagaimana gambar ini statik dan tetap di posisinya, seperti itulah kita, andai ruh tidak menghidupkan kita.Jika ditenung lagi,sekalipun kuda yang terukir di syiling itu 'kaku', tapi ia terus kelihatan 'meluncur'. Selagi kita terdaya, jadilah kuda yang bergerak seiringan dengan tarbiyyah dan dakwah.

Its after midnight, so I'll use the term last night to refer the hours before midnight struck. Last night, was a quiet night. No meetings. No usrahs. No gather ups. Nothing. And I remained silent doing nothing. Until the night ended. I realized it was such a waste of time because I wanted to fill it with many things, getting prepared for usrah with mutarabbi, preparing for my own usrah with murabbi, making sure that the lay out of work until Opick's night is smooth and I wanted to study. But I didn't do anything. Partly, because I was bothered. The other half was because I was pondering how little time I have for myself right now and yet I still cannot manage my life as a daie. Right, did I mention I was bothered? Indeed I was. For some times now, I feel empty. But don't misunderstand, this is not futur. My usrah is going on as usual. Meetings are done once a while. Usrah with mutarabbi are done frequently. Easy said, inshaAllah sentiasa mengisi diri. 

Its March, yes, months pass by, without fail, with His will. And here I am steady as can be, beginning a new semester and being piled up by work loads that are pushing me to an extent that is beyond my comfort zone. now i get it, all this while, i have been tucked in safe and sound in my very own cocoon. you won't suffer the blade until you yourself have been cut by it . That is when, to one level, you want to run away and hide from people around you, run away to be embraced by your loved ones. do everything because of Him. either you begin to do something with force, or willingly, remember to renew your intentions, scared that every deeds didn't even count in front of Him, simply because you did it because you thought that you were able to do it, instead of because He gave you the ability to do it. but it ain't that easy, thus, tawakkal kepada Allah wahai daie sekalian,  letakkan seluruh pengharapan pada Dia. kerna tawakkal seorang