Saturday, December 21, 2013

The girl in the room full of pinks.

Ukhti,

When you told me, you were going to leave, a few months back, I was cool.

and when you told me again a few hours back, I was not cool.

Please don't leave, ukht.

I am missing you, and will miss you.

I think I'm not able to bare any losses again, yet.

I learnt from you,
 to cook dengan hanya campak-campak sahaja,
 to clean the sink right after cooking,
 to keep the room clean and tidy,
 to love mom and dad as they are,
 to study thoroughly no matter what,
and to wake up in the early morning for tahajjud.

You surely taught me a lot.

;'(


Saturday, November 30, 2013

suatu ketika dahulu



Ini aku suatu ketika dahulu,
sewaktu jiwa masih ampuh,
masih tiada hala tuju,
menjadi sang robot, 
dengan menyangka hidup ini untuk hidup sahaja,
aku jahil,
aku tidak tahu menahu tentang pembinaan individu muslimun itu.





















dan ini aku sekarang,
berbekalkan jiwa yang semakin stabil,
cuba berdiri walaupun kadangkala rebah,
tersungkur sujud kebumi,
tapi aku sudah bukan sang robot,
aku sudah keluar dari belenggu kejahilan,
kini aku sedar betapa penting pembinaan manusiawi itu,
aku cuba berdiri gah, 
sebagai hamba Allah,
sebagai abid Allah,
sebagai seorang individu muslim.


#memoriKTT
#awaltarbiyyah

reflections














Dear little one, 

Quench the thirst as much as you can,
as long as you can, 

Just now,
You were still drinking milk from mummy,

And now,
You are using your own tiny limbs,
just to grab a drink of water.

#nadineimanirauhillah
#reflectingmychildhood


arjuna dan juwita

Hati terasa begitu kosong, hidup terasa seperti zombie, itulah perasaanya semalam. Sambil menghela nafas panjang, lantas meng'whatsapp' adik,

'akak dah tunggu awak dibawah'
'okay'

balasnya sepatah lantas adik itu pun turun, dan kami terus bergandingan ke pantai. Sambil-sambil bertukar-tukar khabar sebab dah lama tak bersua, alasannya, masing-masing menghadapai musim peperiksaan, akhirnya, sudah nampak kelibat pantainya, indah subhanaAllah.

Terus kami menuju ke arah nafak(terowong) dan menyeberangi jalan dengan melalui nafak tersebut sehingga kami betul-betul bertentangan dengan laut dan angin menampar-nampar muka kami.

Lantas dari perbualan rancak, terus terdiam, tenang melihatkan alam.

Ruh segera menyahut seruan alam, tamparan angin, pukulan ombat di lautan dan manusiawi lalu lalang, mencukupkan segalanya pada hari itu,

'kita nak duduk mana dik'
'tak kisah kak'

Lalu kami menyelusuri tempat pejalan kaki sambil disambut deruan angin yang kencang dan dingin menandakan musim sejuk masih malu-malu untuk terus memberkahi mesir ini.

akhirnya, kami pitstop di tembok dan kami meneruskan perbualan, although i felt as if i kept quiet more than i do,

'awak tahu tak, akk tengah rasa diri akk bagaikan langit, yang luas terbentang namun tiada penghujung.Ada baik dan ada buruk pada perasaan itu, baiknya, sebab akk meluaskan jiwa akk untuk terima semua benda, tapi buruknya, akk rasa seperti tidak menuju kemana-mana, sebab perasaan itu terlalu terasa luas tanpa ada pemfokusan.'

'apa matlamat awak dik,' melihatkan dia hanya mendengar, diam seribu bahasa, aku terus menyambung dengan persoalan,

'i want to be human'

' i do not want to go with the flow, because i just want to be someone useful' gumamnya perlahan.

aku tunduk.

benar kata adik itu yang seorang, hidup ini berhadaf, kalau betul ghayah nya Allah, kenapa goyah dipertengahan?

tanpa sedar, adik itu menyedarkan aku cara memberi pemfokusan, yakni menjadi manusia yang berguna,

do not simply go with the flow!

kenapa aku boleh rasa lalut dipertengahan kerja dakwah yang mekar, adalah kerana aku terlupa matlamat asal, lantas go with the flow melulu itu tak boleh!

selagi matlamatnya belum ditajdidkan, jangan lagi go with the flow, once dah tune mindset, dah refresh niat, then baru carry on life.

Akhirnya, kami melihatkan matahari terbenam, membenamkan diri serta melelapkan cahayanya dari seluruh alam,

terbenam bersama perasaan ku yang gelisah, membawa pergi segala keegoan, negatif mindset dan meleburkan perasaan malas berfikir.

seusai azan, kami menuju, menyeberangi nafak, untuk menumpang solat di masjid, untuk kembali kepada tuhan kami, Allah.

aku berasa lega,
pertemuan dengan laut,
menenangkan fikiran sepertimana,
Sang kekasih yang memujuk cinta hatinya,

Terima kasih Allah.





Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Ana musy arif zayy keda

To me, arab was such a hard language to conquer. I could not, and did not know how to motivate myself to even get involved by this language itself.

At that time, I just couldn't bring together arab language, and the language used in the al quran were just the same!

Until I reached here, in Egypt.

I was so excited to the fact that after this, I might not need to use the translation upon listening to an ayat recited.

Yeay!

So once I reached here, and settled down and realised one thing.

why on earth are these arabs talking a mixed language?

instead of ana azhabu ilal madrasah
they were saying ana bitruh ilal madrasah
(the sentence above bothe means i want to go to school)

so it was bitruh, not azhabu

then ana uridu bikilo thaum wa jazar
they would say ana aizah tum wa gazar bikilo
(the sentence above means i want to have a kilo of garlic and carrots.

so now, it was aizah instead of uridu, tum istead of thaum, gazar instead of gazar.

pelik sangat waktu tu, tapi I acknowledged it as loghat egypt mungkin, macam kita ada bahasa kelate, nogori, teghengganu so its them with ammiya.

Now one day, I was in an arabic class, its a class where we learn arab fushah, which is the proper original arab language, when in one incident I accidentally used ammiya language,

"ustazah, ana muta akhiran awi, maalisy, ana ala sharie, lakin zahmah awi!"
(ustazah, I am so late, I'm sorry, I was already on the streets but it there was a traffic jam!)

my teacher kept quiet at first and then she said in a low tone,

"aqeelah, la yujad awi, la yujad maalisy, la yujad sharie, la yujad zahmah, kullu ammiya, limaza?"

and she explained further,

" ammiya language was a language created by the kuffar. kononnya bahasa ammiya ni di katakan untuk memudahkan bicara, menyenangkan sebutan, tapi hakikatnya ia menjauhkan kita dari bahasa arab fushah,  even an arab cannot understand proper arab, worse, it furthers us from the Al Quran, not only do they not know arab, but they also find it hard to read the Al quran,this is their war on us muslim, ghazwul fikr!"

Allah :'(

i was stunned to know that.

hakikatnya, memang bahasa ammiya mudah, dan kadang, terkuasai ammiya instead of fusahah sebab ammiya mudah, digunakan by the people here.

Termuhasabah.

Begitulah serangan dari arah yang tak disangka-sangka, dan tidak diketahui.





pause

sometimes, I write for the sake of writing,

and sometimes,

I tend usrah for the sake of usrah.


Keep holding on.

Monday, November 25, 2013

sampai bila, bila nak sampai?

sampai bila,
kita nak jadi,

seperti pahat dan penukul,
sekali diketuk, baru tembus,

apabila mendengarkan peringatan,
baru terhegeh-hegeh nak beringat,

apabila membacakan status da'wi,
baru sibuk-sibuk nak;
 like,
 share,
buat status baru juga,

apabila melihatkan orang meluru berbuat kebaikan,
baru terburu-buru nak buat amal ibadah melangut juga,

apabila orang score dalam exam,
baru nak buat jadual belajar,

apabila orang tutup aurat dulu,
baru tersedar nak ikut syariat juga,

apabila keluar sana sini demi tuntutan da'wi,
baru kita terkocoh-kocoh menyahut seruan syahadatul haq itu,

sampai bila?

sampai bila,
ada orang buat,
baru nak buat juga,

sampai bila?

sampai bila,
orang memberi kekuatan,
baru nak rasa diperkuatkan,

sampai bila?

sampai bila, nak jadi,
seperti pahat dan penukul,

sampai bila?

sampai orang LAIN dahulu yang temui syahid ke?


T-T

p/s its 25th of nov, a month to go for the new year to come
p/s/s upon reaching the age of 23 and still wondering what contribution I have given to the ummah

Thursday, November 21, 2013

flashes

when words cannot describe,
when pictures just doesn't portray,

then its not the words that are needed,
nor the pictures that aren't able to picture the message,

bahagia.

susunan ayat mungkin tidak mampu mencapai erti kebahagiaan sebenarnya,
mahupun rajah yang  sepatutnya menunjukkan kebahagiaan juga tak mampu menjadi kayu ukur bahagia.

Biarlah dia bahagia, kita mendoakan dia,
Biarlah mereka bahagia, kita mendoakan mereka,
berbahagialah dengan apa yang ada,

kerana kita takkan rasa kebahagiaan kalau kita yang tak nak rasakannya.

cuba menjadi insan bahagia


Sunday, November 17, 2013

Hujan itu pasti, mati itu mesti




allahumma saiban nafi'an

allah yang menurunkan hujan, rahmatilah kami dengan hujanmu!

Dulu, i used to chant some nursery rhyme i learnt in reception,
It went like this,

Rain, rain go away 
Come again another day.

Halt.

Go away?
Why on earth would we want the rain to go? 

Hujan itu rahmat buat seluruh alam, 

Buat pokok-pokok
Buat manusia manusia
Buat haiwan haiwan

Jadi, mana mungkin kita minta pula untuk diberhentikan hujan.

In Alexandria,
Hujan tanda perubahan musim,

From summer to winter.

Indeed, alam juga perlukan perubahan, inikan manusia, memang perlukan penghijrahan.

Kini sudah meniti hari ke dua belas dalam bulan muharram, menandakan sudah hampir cecah setengah bulan dalam tahun baru dalam kalender islam. 

1435

Banyak benda yang nak diresolusikan untuk hijrah kali ini, tapi Allah sediakan diri ini lebih awal dan dari banyak tragedi yang tidak disangka-sangka. Jadi, after readjusting, kini cuba untuk merealisasikan penghijrahan itu.

The chant of rain should supposedly be, 

Rain, rain alhamdulillah
You come from Allah, and you return to Allah .






Ghuraba thaniah.


roses

me : do you have a blog?
A: ada ke orang ada blog sekarang?
me: *speechless*

Its hard to explain,

I still blog, though once I while, I still do, and I like doing it,
I still keep a diary with me, maybe I do not write everything daily, but I still do.

Its hard to explain,
Because writing here, jus makes me feel, satisfied.

I do not mind, either that I have less than 10 viewers or maybe none,
because I know that my blog is always viewed by Him and the Angels.

Compared to updating statuses,
or twittering way,
or even instagram-ing,
tumblr-ing,
and many more,

I still think, I need to keep blogging.
Indeed I do.

Its not about viewers, or likers, or commenters.
Its something unexplainable,
because you have got to do it to understand it.

Like doing da'wah,
you wouldn't totally understand and know how it feels unless you start doing it.

So which ever you prefer,
its up to you,
to choose.





berubahlah kepada perubahan

aku lihat,
aku scroll up and down,
dan kembali melihatkan blog,
yang masih segan hidup mati tak mahu ini.

sudah punah pengunaan bahasa inggeris ini,
grammar entah ke mana, vocabs makin lemau,
structure ayat tak menarik etc etc etc,
and feeling gloomy because of that,

due to the habit of reading then less than 10 books in a year,
and rarely conversing in english,
thus the language doesn't stay inside me,
its vague now,
almost turning into a permanent loss,

mungkin begitulah juga hati,
apabila tidak membaca al quran,
dengan constant,
maka hati itu mengeras tanpa sedar,

namun,
berbekalkan rahmat Allah,
dengan sensitivity iman yang berbaki,
masih boleh kita merangkak dalam lemah,
mencari Dia,
mengislah diri.

terkilan dengan diri.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Penuhilah seruan ilahi!



Jumu'ah barakah,

Look at the picture thoroughly,
It actually shows us,
Beberapa saff ketika solat jumaat tadi.

In egypt,
People just pray anywhere, 
Because dimana-mana sahaja, semuanya bumi Allah.

In Egypt, azan overlaps,
Because, dimana-mana, semuanya mahu jumpa Allah.

In Egypt, doa serta harapan sering diucapkan,
because, dimana-mana, semuanya mahu keredhaanNya

In Egypt, hampir every corner ada masjid,
Because dimana- mana, semuanya memudahkan mereka mendekati Pencipta

Namun, tidaklah seindah tulisan ini, keadaan di egypt,

Diceritakan oleh anak usrah pada petang tadi,

Pasca revolution thaniah(kedua) ini,
Ada antara mereka yang merasakan islam itu adalah,
keturunan, adat, ikutan semata

Lalu merasakan revolusi itu adalah keluar dari belenggu tribulasi dan mehnah
Dan ada yang tidak ingin kepada pemerintahan syari'e
Dan ada yang merasakan tidak perlu kepada aurat ataupun batasan
Cukuplah mengaku adanya Allah dan mengatakan 'keimanan' dalam hati sahaja

Tapi Allah dah ingatkan kembali kita, dalam surah al ankabut, ayat kedua, adakah manusia merasakan dengan hanya dengan mengucapkan 'aku beriman', maka kita tidak akan diuji?

Oleh itu, kita yang kena ada tanamkan niat untuk men'tune'kan mentality kita dan people around us,kena aware, 

what is islam,
what is faith.

Menukarkan mindset mereka yang merasakan Islam itu cultural  to islam itu way of life instead.

Dan disini, moga rakyat yang sanggup mati syahid berjuang untuk agama Allah ini, maka Allah akan ganjari setimpal.

Firdaus.

Tidak semua yang buruk di sini, menggambarkan mesir secara holistik
Tidak semua yang baik di sini, juga menggambarkan mesir secara holistik jua.

Dalam al quran lagi, ada ayat yang allah berfirman, masuklah ke negeri mesir dalam keadaan aman, 

Jadi, even Allah mention dalam quran, yang mesir ini adalah negeri yang aman dan tenang.

If to be told, 
Cerita mesir, masih mengkagumkan diri, bahawa, disini masih ada islam, walaupun secebis, sbab allah pelihara agamaNya.

AlHaq, tidak akan kalah pada batil, no matter what!


Unplanned morning

 A glimpse of the mediterranean sea,
Along with the big bulky rocks,

Having breakfast of nasi lemak, 
While the People were having a jog or breeze walking,
Wih Cats playing and jumping around,
Being uninvited visitors to our rendezvous,

The sound of ;
Wind blowing,
Waves wrecking,

The sun peeping out sheepishly, shining the whole of Alexandria,
The world was shadowed by the velvety clouds,

The one moment i forgot to say alhamdulillah, to the one who created such beauty.

alhamdulillah thum alhamdulillah.

11 muharram 1435

I am someone who easily gets jealous with other peoples happiness.
Now i know, thats bad enough aint it?

Sangkaan dan self non satisfaction,

Apabila orang ada anak usrah yang happening, i get jealous and feels as if my anak usrah is not as happening as that.

Apabila orang boleh bagi taujihat kaw kaw, i get jealous and feel as if i give taujihat lemau segantang

Apabila orang pakai baju jubah lawa, or blouse labuh labuh lawa, I get jealous, blame myself why im a plus size and feels as if i myself is wreckless in style

Apabila ada orang memang boleh in dengan segenap jenis manusia, i get jealous and think that i dont know how to mingle with others and as if i cannot be a whole rounded muslim

Apabila orang selalu on a vacation with their family, i get jealous and ponders back at my own family, where we rarely get to gather due to us studying abroad

Apabila ada kawan yang sudah pun kahwin, bakal atau sudah pun menimang cahaya mata, i get jealous of them finding their perfect match and about to have kids of their own.

All in all, i could rant all day, but i found a pattern already in my complaint, i always feel that, the grass on the other side is ALWAYS greener.

Sentiasalah orang lain lebih baik dari kita, dan semua yang kita semua buruk.

My mum, said, i was always unhappy of myself since i was small, and i was taken aback by my ummi's statement.

Qalilan ma tashkurun, hanya sedikit sahaja dari kalian yang bersyukur.

Dan andai i get indulged in this non satisfactory, maka i will never be among the sedikit.

Allahu shakur!

Belajarlah untuk bersyukur, belajarlah untuk menerima diri kamu seadanya, belajarlah untuk menjadi positif, belajarlah memotivasikan orang, dan mencari potensi diri.

Belajarlah, kerana sewaktu nabi adam diciptakan, he was also clueless, up until, Allah taught him the things he was suppose to know until he became knowleadgable.

Jadi nabi adam juga belajar, dan saya juga harus memilih untuk terus belajar.

Belajar tentang erti kehidupan yang tidak pernah ada dalam lampiran buku, belajar tentang erti hidup adalah pada memberi, khusus kepada diri saya yang biasanya berada di pihak yang sentiasa menerima, belajar untuk terus fastabiqul khairat, belajar meletakkan sangkaan baik untuk sesiapa sahaja yang ditemui.

A few days back, i found my first buku usrah, it was on 6th of shaaban 1431. So imagine that, i have been having usrah for the past 4 years, and im still having this old cranky side of mine, which obviously shows, that we are humans not robots!

Sometimes, i just need to sit back and look ahead and the past, 

Bersyukur ada ummi dan abah, yang sentiasa menjaga kami sekeluarga,

Bersyukur kerana ada siblings to turn to when we are feeling really sad,

Bersyukur untuk rasa syukur itu sendiri, kepada yang maha pencipta syukur.

I sometimes worry about my progress in tarbiyyah, either directly proportional or merudum,

Masih bisa mencari kekuatan untuk cuba berdiri utuh dan berjalan menujuNya.

Reassuring, readjusting and readapting. 

Breathe in, and breathe out, enough for now, moga kerana Allah, jari jemariku menekan keyboard untuk terus menulis, dan ada manfaat bersama.

Dan ingin menyelit, sedikit nukilan yang diilhamkan oleh Allah,

Why did it take so long to realise,
To know what is right and what is so wrong,
A guy and a girl shouldnt easily get along,
Why did it take so long to realise.

Since when did love become a game,
Phrasing love sentences and sounding so lame,
Holding hands and putting us muslims in shame,
Since when, again, did love become a game.

Because Allah, is our majesty,
Should we put into our hearts, pure love and honesty,
To him the one and only,
To Allah, he is our majesty.





Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Bintang-bintang syurga

*blowing the dirt off the dusty blog*

Hari ini, tarikhnya cantik.

1 Muharram 1435.

Hijrah.

Since I reached Alexandria a few weeks ago, its been extraordinarily quiet. Which some of the big reasons was because some of the people who I love fillah, decided to return back to malaysia.

To be brief for those who don't understand, because of the recent riots happening in Egypt,since its the second wave, people have been worried ever since, thus, the ministry of education decided to give alternatives to students in egypt, to study elsewhere.

And they chose malaysia.

I came in 2011, knowing nothing about Egypt let alone Alexandria, and only letting Allah plan my way.

Kemudian, 7 Zulhijjah dipertemukan dalam usrah yang pertama di beyt ulfah, dengan mereka. Mereka yang banyak mengajar erti kehidupan, persahabatan, percintaan.

Bermurobbikan dia yang memahamkan kembali tentang tarbiyyah dan dakwah ini.

Setahun bersama mereka, suka dan duka, gembira dan terluka, semua ada, you name it.

Sambil menyelak-menyelak buku usrah pertama di sini, bertemankan lagu bintang syurga, sungguh aku rindu mereka,

Bintang syurga yang di rindukan,
datang-datanglah wahai syahid
dambaan mujahid,
aku relakan sakit yang sedikit.

Sakit, yang bukanlah physically hurt, but emotionally hurt, really hurts. Its painful because it hurts inside.

It hurts even though you put on a smile
It hurts even though you are surrounded with people who love you
It hurts even though you know, that life must go on

The hole in the heart, rupa-rupanya sedikit sebanyak menyedarkan, adakah aku selama ini, bersandarkan kekuatan pada mereka juga?

astaghfirullah :'(

sewaktu usrah pertama, kami bertadhabbur surah annisa, dari ayat 66-77

dan pada ayat 77, di mana ayat itu mengatakan, Allah perintahkan untuk pergi perang, dan ada di antaranya yang minta untuk tundakan kewajipan itu, lalu Allah pujuk lagi di akhir ayat yang panjang itu dengan mengatakan kesenangan di dunia hanya sedikit berbanding kesenangan di akhirat untuk mereka yang bertaqwa,

jadi ada yang memberi khatirah, kita kenalah redha dengan aturan Allah, berperang-perang yang berterusan dengan diri sendiri,

check balik,

Kenapa datang mesir? kalau sebab Dia, then why complain?

Allah adalah sebaik-baik pengatur dan everything He does is for a reason.

And its true,

after two years together, even though apart, it doesn't mean, i'm doomed, or i cannot live.

To zakiyya, mabrouk alf, you are now a wife and a mother to be, even though you are still here, I rarely see you, since we are in different departments, take care and remember to not get hyper active since you dah berbadan dua ;)

The one who is the mature of them all, the first who decided to stay in a Rumah Islam, the one who always gave boosters during Arab classes, the one who laughs at my lame jokes.

To Atiqah, I know you are strong, even though, you are mesir-sick, I know that you are rational in making decisions,keep holding on, the jaulah together made me realised, that Allah wanted me to spend time with you thoroughly before you left :'(

The one who was my room mate, having pillow talks together, motherly in some ways ( I still love the part that you always let me bully you and yet it did not bother you), always giving positive remarks at time I felt bad and useless and hugged tight.

To Diyanah, the one that I least expected to be close with, ending up, loving you dearly from not liking you so much :P, the sudden photoshoot that I wanted to take after examinations was surely a gift from Allah, wanting me to spend time with you together, knowing that i would not see you in future, here in Alexandria.

The one who always help me out in cooking, listening to my babbles, continuously being my usrah mate since the past two years, soft spoken in all ways, yet always falling ill and at times, I didnt entirely manage to care for you. Acting goofy together and always on secret runaways together, going to Cairo together, being you and always frank when speaking to me.

I love you guys dearly and even though, I am still managing my emotions and the accepting the reality that you are not around me literally,

I still know, that when I read this post back, at that time, I can manage to put on a smile and be grateful that I was so blessed to have the love with you guys and you made me feel contented her in Alexandria, that you taught me a lot and were my strength here

Sooner or later, we will meet, hug and cry together.
Maybe sooner than I expected.

Love,
Yours


Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Antidote 1434




We welcome you month we all adore
We pray for happiness and more
to all the people open up your door
Peace, Love and Joy
Let them soar


Welcome holy month Ramadan


Warning! you are in need of listening to a nasheed while reading the post below,
Sung beautifully by Sheikh Mishary Alafasy entitled Ramadhan.

It's true, its nearly week since we've been fasting, and I have just being through it, trying to enhance a feeling. A feeling that I wasn't actually feeling whole heartedly. A feeling only that I discovered in this video did by my fellow cliques in Alexandria. My hearts was captured with the words, and I couldnt hold the tears anymore.
We need therapy and remedy for our soul.
Take the opportunity from this Ramadhan to remove all the 'zombies' in ourselves.

Jazakumullah khair to those involved in the making of this clip and sharing it.

The antidote.

Antidote for the sins i did.
Antidote for the bad deeds I'd done.
Antidote for my misguided actions.

And this month is the month for me to grab the chance, to scrub the dirty sins off, to reposition myself to the correct way, and performing good deeds.

To those reading this, can I ask for a little favor,

Please make du'a so that me and you can become a better muslim after Ramadhan which is to become


an IbadurRahman and a DaieRabbani

Ramadhan greetings!



In arabic :
بالحب تلقاك البدور ضيف الأماني والسرور
فيك العطايا والاجور يا مرحبا زين الشهور

In french :
Jour après jour , un monde d'amour des océans ,
soyez la bienvenue
Meilleur des mois , bienvenue bonheur et joie
Notre mois saint , bonheur et bien

In english :
We welcome you month we all adore
We pray for happiness and more
to all the people open up your door
Peace, Love and Joy
Let them soar

Welcome holy month Ramadan

احلى القوافي والنشيد في مقدم الشهر السعيد
النور في الدنيا يزيد والرب تواب شكور
رمضان رمضان

Welcome holy month Ramadan
welcome ramadhan

Something happened in Egypt again. Not now, oh fatah assisi, not again, not during Ramadhan!
Dear Egypt,
I hope from deep down of my heart, as the opposition hits the muslims, the muslims rise higher, we have Allah right!
From me.
Yasmin Mogahed said,
Dear Egypt, 
"Do not let the hatred of a people prevent you from being just. Be just; that is nearer to righteousness. And fear God; indeed, God is Acquainted with what you do." (5:8)
Another akh from Bangladesh wrote,
Dear egypt, May Allah bless u and save u from secular filth.

May Allah protect us,

Ramadhan Kareem ;)

Friday, July 5, 2013

Vibrating falsetto

It was just last night, I wrote about the positive vibe.

Striving happily to live on.

Suddenly,

*kaboom*
Irhal means get out in arabic.

Lightning struck, it was like a nightmare in daylight.

The 48-hours to politician given by the army, ended when the leader announced overthrowning of Dr Morsy and reelection will be done for everyones satisfaction.

Dr Morsy power as a president elected in a democratic party was toppled by an order given by the army.

Who on earth do they think they were?

But still, damaged was done, fireworks were cracked and gunshot struck the darkness of night, the tamarrud (anti-morsi) celebrated, and tearful tajarrud(pro-morsi) also celebrated with takbir and tahmid.

Muhasabah mode.

a beautiful graffiti on the wall of a building

The battle in Egypt is crystal clear,

its light against darkness,
its white againts black,
its haq against batil.

Up until the moment where us the muslims, are still carried away by the fana of the dunya, it is until then, Allah wants us prepare thoroughly to meet Him in Jannah.

Selagi kita tak baiki diri, selagi itulah kita kena berada di atas jalan ini, membaiki diri, sehingga al haq itu menang.

maybe we won't live to see, but we will play the part towards it,

sementara itu, sucikan niat dan emosi,
jangan pernah bersangka buruk dengan Allah,
kita merancang, mereka merancang,
dan Allah sebaik-baik perancang.

Ramadhan mode.

ON!

Monday, July 1, 2013

Positive vibe

Tarik nafas, buang nafas.

Dengan menyaksikan ribuan penyokong alHaq, 

Permulaan bulan masihi, bulan julai, 

Dr Morsi sekali lagi memulakan tampuk pemerintahannya untuk tahun kedua ;)

Saturday, June 15, 2013

"You either write your own script, or you become an actor in somebody else's script." 
- Weapons of Mass Instruction

93 Million Miles



93 million miles from the Sun, people get ready get ready,
'cause here it comes it’s a light, a beautiful light, over the horizon into our eyes
Oh, my my how beautiful, oh my beautiful mother

She told me, "Son in life you’re gonna go far, and if you do it right you’ll love where you are

Just know, that wherever you go, you can always come back home"

240 thousand miles from the Moon, we’ve come a long way to belong here,

To share this view of the night, a glorious night, over the horizon is another bright sky
Oh, my my how beautiful, oh my irrefutable father,

He told me, "Son sometimes it may seem dark, but the absence of the light is a necessary part.

Just know, you’re never alone, you can always come back home"

Every road is a slippery slope

There is always a hand that you can hold on to.
Looking deeper through the telescope
You can see that your home’s inside of you.

Just know, that wherever you go, no you’re never alone, you will always get back home.


Its not just verbally, its whole heartedly.


Mengapa kau tinggalkan kami wahai suamiku?” seru wanita itu penuh tanda tanyaLelaki itu Ibrahim a.s diam tidak menjawab. Ia hanya berhenti sejenak, menghela nafas dalam-dalam menahan esak. 
“Mengapa kau tinggalkan kami wahai suamiku?”Yang ditanya tetap lagi mendiamkan diri. Dalam hatinya berkecamuk sejuta rasa. Dia berasa sangat bersalah meninggalkan isteri dan putera yang dicintainya itu berseorangan di padang pasir penuh gersang. Dia yang menanti-nanti kelahiran buah hati berpuluh tahun lamanya. Dia yang melalui malam-malamnya dengan doa-doa, memohon agar ada tangis kecil yang memecah kesunyian rumahnya. 
Kini Allah telah memberikan anugerah itu Ismail. Dan kini, Allah tiba-tiba memintanya meninggalkan Ismail dan ibunya di tanah tidak berpenghidupan ini. Ia akan merasa sepi lagi. Ia akan dilanda khawatir tak bertepi. Tetapi apakan daya seorang hamba ? Dan mengapa harus dia berprasangka sebegitu pada Allah? Ya, ia redha dengan perintahnya. Hanya saja ia tidak sanggup menjawab pertanyaan isterinya itu, Siti Hajar. Hatinya gerimis. 
“Apakah ini perintah Allah?” Tiba-tiba wanita itu mengubah pertanyaannya.Ibrahim a.s terkejut. Ia berhenti sesaat lalu berbalik. Menatap wajah isteri dan anaknya itu dengan penuh rasa kasih dan sayang.”Ya” Katanya. Helaan nafasnya panjang dan berat. “Ini perintah Allah” 
Mereka berpelukan. “Kalau ini perintah Allah”, kata wanita solehah itu sambil berbisik di telinga suaminya, “Dia sesekali tidak akan pernah menyia-nyiakan kami”
Kisah Siti hajar dan Ibrahim a.s.


Begitulah ujian yang melanda khalilullah kita Ibrahim a.s sebelum terhasilnya kota mekah. Apabila Allah hendak menguji sayang kita kerana Dia, dengan rasa berat atau ringan, segeralah menyahut seruan itu. 
Sewaktu nabi ibrahim memperoleh nabi ismail a.s setelah penantian sekian lama, Allah segera memerintahkan nabi ismail a.s dan ibunya diletakkan di padang pasir.Dan sekali lagi Allah memerintahkan untuk menyembelih nabi ismail a.s dalam memastikan seluruh keuarga nabi ibrahim a.s bersungguh-sungguh dalam mencapai redhaNya. 
Tajarrudlah, peel off all those that are unrelated to Him, kerna hati yang bermaksiat masakan ada cahaya di dalamnya, yakni hidayah, dan hidayah itu milikNya.  
Ibaratnya, kita memberi coklat kepada sahabat kita, dan sahabat kita menyayangi pemberian itu, jauh lebih dari si pemberi, iaitu kita, terkilan kan? 
Begitulah Allah, cintaNya untuk hamba-hambaNya bersyukur, jadi apabila kita terlebih mencintai makhluk dari diriNya, kena do rechecking and balancing agar cinta itu kembali mekar, 
Cinta untuk Sang Pencipta.
 “Terima kasih atas kesetiaanmu padaku di jalan yang penuh dengan kesulitan ini. Semoga Allah mempersatukan kita dalam kehidupan yang lebih indah di sisiNya”ucap khalifah umar abdul aziz, lembut sahaja menyapa, isterinya fatimah abdul malik.
Rumah adalah tempat lahirnya diri ini, usrah tempat kelahiran itu diberi erti
ustaz hasrizal

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Ray ban ke rabun?

Mata melilau-lilau, melihat hiruk pikuk di tempat baru, kediaman baru, ibrahimeyya.

Yes indeed, I've moved to a new place, a new start, cuba menyahut seruan maratib amal itu sendiri. Dalam kita membina individu muslim, akan lebih dibantu pembinaanya dengan adanya kita dalam rumah islam. Rumah yang di dalamnya, hidup bi'ah solehah itu oleh mereka yang mempunyai ruh-ruh yang ingin di tarbiyyah.

But it ain't easy.

We have to bear the teeny weeny bit of emotions and feelings with every tadhiyah (sacrifice) that we make.

And for someone as impatient as I am, it was real hard at the beginning. And it will continuously remain hard for as long as I'm okay to withstand the pressure.

Dan saat itulah, kita perlu melihat dari sudut mata hati untuk cuba berlapang dada in almost every single thing happening around us.

Kadangkala, kita terus terus melihat, melontar pandangan ke hadapan dan sedaya upaya cuba mencari ibrah dalam setiap detik. Tapi kita lupa, kadang-kadang, mata kita penat melihat, pedih dari terus menerus mejegilkan biji mata hitam ini.

And it came out that, all we need was just to close our eyes, take a deep breath and exhale air peacefully.

Dek kerana kepenatan mata, kita lupa kita melihat dengan mata hati. Kerna perlu hadirnya hati terlebih dahulu untuk lihat melalui kaca mata hati.

To all specky user, we're in the same boat. Tak bermakna apabila berkaca mata, menghalang pandangan hati kita bukan?

Ish, mana ada,

Kita yang rabun inilah, yang merasakan apabila diberi peluang Allah, untuk melihat ciptaanNya, kita cuba bersyukur kerna hanya sedikit sahaja antara mereka yang bersyukur.

Cuba menjadi hamba bersyukur.

P/S I really miss debating although I'm not after all meant to be a debater, suddenly remembered a motion released during iium championship

This house believes that a debater should marry another debater,

sounds interesting right?


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Things are different now, I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without, that's you.
Iron Man 3

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Indeed, words are beautiful.

I believe in expressions through words. Either verbally or written. Words can turn out as a magical incantation and for me, words from people out there, are words from Allah.

Benarlah, hakikatnya Allah yang mengilhamkan kepada kita semuanya.

And I will keep holding on to that.

Either expressed through the Broca's Area, a region of motor neurons in the brain that control speech or interpreted through the Wernicke's Area, a region also found in the brain that recognizes language, words communicate people.

And for me, I choose both, expressing verbally and through writings . But I somehow love writing more, because I can express things from the bottom of my heart and at that instance I feel the intimacy between me and that piece of paper. And that exclusive moment with my Creator is beautiful, because it is He who understand us perfectly.

Maka ingatlah kepadaKu,Aku pun akan ingat kepadamu.Bersyukurlah kepadaKu, dan janganlah kamu ingkar kepadaKu
Al-Baqarah:verse 152

Beautiful captured.

But alas, I realize its so hard to write nowadays. I stare bluntly to my laptop's screen, and then I minimize the window or it'll remain as a draft. It just doesn't come out.

Dan after series of muhasabah diri and pillow talks with my room mate, I stop to one reason,

SINS

Because of my sins, I find myself unable to project ideas and write from my heart. My heart is being tortured by the sins I make, and all I do is keep calm do nothing.

People whom I care fillah,

Sins done by us, whispered by the horrible shaytan's and followed by the weak nafs, unnoticedly we fall into their trap. We sin, either realizing it or not, we do it. And that increases our workload of mujahadah, burden of jahiliyyah and hardens the rock of egoism in us.
We want to say good stuff, do good deeds but we demolish the rewards from Him by secretly doing bad stuff, saying awful remarks.

Either its a small sin, or a big sin. A sin will remain a sin, and that makes us a sinner.

T-T

Gosh, even writing this sounds bad, doesn't it?

Sometimes, we live in denial, saving our own guts, but we have to ask our very own selves, betul-betul tak tahu bahawa seuatu itu dosa, atau benar-benar jahil tentangya. Which ever statement suits us, never hesitate to seek forgiveness, Allah forgives. Tapi ketahuilah juga, Allah amat keras seksaan, so don't make a fool out of yourself before its too late.

And sometimes, I find myself in denial too, which is not good to stay in this state long enough. And so I quickly ask for help from naqibah or akhawat around me, because during this time, my iman is at its most critical state and all I need is words of comfort to recharge again my imaan.

Being a human, standing on His earth as a caliph, waiting for the Day of judgement ain't easy. We keep doing good deeds and bad deeds, because we realize, we aren't perfect creatures. We are His slaves. And because it is not as easy as black and white, the grey area is the hardest to decipher. Thus, he never blames us completely when we get off track, instead, awaits for us to call upon Him to guide us and fall in Love with him,

Again and Again,

Beautiful.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Jumbling up words.
Running out of ideas.
Waking up as the sun rises.

The time is running out,
and I'm out of breath.

Sunburned, tanned, exhausted.


Tuesday, May 7, 2013


I always make du'a for Allah to hasten the jodoh for all my single sisters with a pious and great men who will be the coolness of their eyes. Please make loads of du'a for yourselves too. Never lose hope in the mercy of Allah.  “Hook up with Allah and Allah will hook you up”, remember? :)
A wife is like a gift to a man. And there is a hadith that goes like this:

"This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is righteous women.” - Sahih Muslim 10/56.

So prepare yourself to be a gift (and not a test) to your future husband, so that one day he will hold you and look lovingly in your eyes and say “Alhamdulillah”.

took from ukht Zarina Zul Mukhshar,
A note to all my single girlfriends.

Reference:
https://www.facebook.com/notes/zarina-zul-mukhshar/a-note-of-love-to-all-my-single-girlfriends/10150905386239008

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Journey ahead


How beautiful, is this worldly life
But not a soul shall remain
We all come into this world
Only to leave it one day
I can see that everything around me
Rises then fades away
Life is just a passing moment
Nothing is meant to stay, oh

This worldly life has an end
And it's then real life begins
A world where we will live forever
This beautiful worldly life has an end
It's a just bridge that must be crossed
To a life that will go on forever

So many years, quickly slipping by
Like the Sleepers of the Cave
Wake up and make a choice
Before we end up in our graves
O God! You didn't put me here in vain
I know I'll be held accountable for what I do
This life is just a journey
And it's taking me back to You

So many get caught in this beautiful web
Its gardens become an infatuation
But surely they'll understand at the final stop
That its gardens are meant for cultivation, oh

an inspired poem by Fethullah Gullen.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Non parallel

Dan sungguh, kelapangan dan ketenanganlah yang didambakan di kala keserabutan atau kesempitan melanda.

Sungguh kita bukan seperti nabi muhammad, yang hatinya disucikan oleh Jibril, yang dirakamkan di dalam surah al-insyirah, ayat yang pertama,

bukankah kami telah melapangkan dadamu?

tapi kita dibekali kisah nabi musa, yang memohon untuk hati yang tenang, yang dirakamkan dalam surah taha, ayat kelima,

Dia berkata, "Ya Tuhanku, lapangkanlah dadaku,"
Jadi, kita tahu bahwasanya kita perlu memastikan jiwa kita besar, agar hidup dimaknai dengan sibghah islam itu.

Kerja-kerja nabi itu pun, banyak rintangan dan syaratnya,

sudah tentunya mereka punyai,
hati yang jitu, kesabaran yang padu namun masih perlu ada dada yang lapang itu agar beban terasa senang,

Sungguh bicara Allah tidak pernah lekang meniti dalam sanubari kita, kerna aku amat merinduimu Sang Pencipta!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

We walked hands in hands through the meadows full of poppies and daffodils, with a smile on each faces.

Indeed I was happy, because

I'm Islam and you're Imaan.

Thank you Allah for this gift.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Anytime soon the plane was about to board. It was our last meet up and I still haven't said anything until now.

I started scribbling something,

" I love you ukhti fillah, see you at Home ,
          Take care."

I folded the paper and gave it to her.And upon recieving, she gave a sudden hug ,a brief but firm one, and tears started filling my eyes,

And, I was off.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

I couldn't handle it anymore, tears started streaking down along with the pouring rain. I walked as fast as I could until I almost bumped into a broad figure.

"You again?" I said.

The figure smiled, while unfolding an umbrella, "Would you like to join me?"
The sun was about to set, as he eventually came. Just as I caught a glimpse of his motorbike, my heart sunk.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013



Venue : Petra, Jordan

Sebagaimana gambar ini statik dan tetap di posisinya, seperti itulah kita, andai ruh tidak menghidupkan kita.Jika ditenung lagi,sekalipun kuda yang terukir di syiling itu 'kaku', tapi ia terus kelihatan 'meluncur'. Selagi kita terdaya, jadilah kuda yang bergerak seiringan dengan tarbiyyah dan dakwah.

Pacemaker.

Its after midnight, so I'll use the term last night to refer the hours before midnight struck.

Last night, was a quiet night. No meetings. No usrahs. No gather ups. Nothing. And I remained silent doing nothing. Until the night ended.

I realized it was such a waste of time because I wanted to fill it with many things, getting prepared for usrah with mutarabbi, preparing for my own usrah with murabbi, making sure that the lay out of work until Opick's night is smooth and I wanted to study. But I didn't do anything. Partly, because I was bothered. The other half was because I was pondering how little time I have for myself right now and yet I still cannot manage my life as a daie.

Right, did I mention I was bothered?

Indeed I was. For some times now, I feel empty. But don't misunderstand, this is not futur. My usrah is going on as usual. Meetings are done once a while. Usrah with mutarabbi are done frequently. Easy said, inshaAllah sentiasa mengisi diri. 
Like I once heard an akh say,

untuk memberi kenalah mengisi.

Lalu cuba istiqamah agar diri sentiasa terisi. Tapi pelik kenapa perasaan tidak excited tetap datang menghinggap?

Bersemangat tapi kosong. Melaju tapi lesu. Menerima lalu memberi tapi kelu.

Bukan yang dulunya bersemangat dan memancarkan semangat itu. Bukan yang dulunya melaju dengan tangkasnya untuk mengubah diri. Bukan yang dulunya berkobar-kobar mencari dan memberi dengan penuh rasa cinta kepada akhawati yang disayangi.

Tapi kenapa sekarang tidak?

Suddenly, I remembered my old naqibah once said,

Kiki, jaga Qiam, dapatkan kekuatan hakiki, jangan tertipu dengan kekuatan palsu dari hawa nafsu.

Kekuatan sebenar dai'e adalah dari Allah, kekuatan yang abadi. Andai tidak di minta dari Sang Pemberi Kekuatan masakan dapat kekuatan itu. Sekalipun tidak istiqamah qiam tetapi terasa di beri kekuatan, awas, takut kekuatan itu kekuatan palsu dari hawa nafsu.

And that is the truth, I don't think I'm even trying to wake up for Qiam nor even putting efforts to do so, thus I feel the 'strength' fading slowly. I easily get exhausted. I think I talk a lot of dakwah but I 'compensate' it by still increasing the level of unnecessary gossips. I feel dry whenever I do my self tadabbur sessions. When people share with me words of wisdoms for Allah, Rasulullah, the sahabat, I don't get touched and worse, I register it as knowledge.

Its just as if, superman is not anymore super, or incredible hulk is just not incredible at all. 

A slight loss yet giving such big impact.
Qiam yang sedikit tapi kekuatan hakiki.

*Dushdush*

Again, feeling as if being slapped for so many time, I fear, when words get louder than action, then during the Day of Judgement, On that weighing scale of Mizan, my actions are lighter than feather!

I was pondering about the heart, bukan main lagi semester kali ini belajar cardiovascular system, tapi sangat rugi kalau tak berhenti sejenak dan memikirkan ciptaan Allah yang hebat.

The heart.

The size of our fist. Has nodal tissues on it that act as the pacemaker. Pumps the blood to the whole body by to supply oxygen. Otherwise, if come through complications, it may face infacrtions. Thus lead to failure of the heart. Fatal.

The end.



To feel something, we must feel by our heart.
To see something, we must see through our heart.
To listen something, we must hear with our heart.
To know Allah, know using our heart.

If a heart becomes attached to other than Allah, Allah makes him dependant on what he is attached to it and he will be betrayed by it - Ibn Qayyim

My heart is at lost. Please make du'a so that it finds its way back, T-T

Teringat a couple of months before, I messaged with ifah, asking her whether she thinks whether I'm stupid or not. Okay I know this is sudden, but something happened, pulled me to the verge of being inferior and called myself stupid. Thats why I asked ifah the blunt question. She answered,

"Mindless,
You're not stupid, you just don't think. Qeelah selalu terima and intuitively react, rather than thinking things through,
Matters over mind".

Its difficult when you become heartless,but its even harder when you become mindless.

Reclaim your heart, revive your thoughts.






Wednesday, March 6, 2013

gone with the winds of shita'

Its March, yes, months pass by, without fail, with His will. And here I am steady as can be, beginning a new semester and being piled up by work loads that are pushing me to an extent that is beyond my comfort zone.

now i get it, all this while, i have been tucked in safe and sound in my very own cocoon.

you won't suffer the blade until you yourself have been cut by it.

That is when, to one level, you want to run away and hide from people around you, run away to be embraced by your loved ones.

do everything because of Him.

either you begin to do something with force, or willingly, remember to renew your intentions, scared that every deeds didn't even count in front of Him, simply because you did it because you thought that you were able to do it, instead of because He gave you the ability to do it.

but it ain't that easy,

thus,

tawakkal kepada Allah wahai daie sekalian, 
letakkan seluruh pengharapan pada Dia.

kerna tawakkal seorang daie sangat penting untuk menguatkannya dalam jalan dakwah ini. Kerna kita memikirkan pasal ummah, memikirkan pasal manusia, bukanlah robot, bukanlah benda.

Semester baru, lembaran yang boleh dikatakan baru, menjanjikan contengan yang hebat buat saya yang menggelarkan diri seorang daie.

Uish 

takut-takut untuk voice out dengan yakin bahawa saya seorang dai'e, kerana bukanlah famous mahupun pujian yang didambakan,
sebaliknya terpikul amanat besar dengan menggalas shahadatul haq itu.

teringat lagi tatkala pulang summer last year, sewaktu bangun pagi seusai matahari diatas kepala, abah menegur, 

"betul ke aqeelah ni naqibah, macamana boleh jadi naqibah asyik bangun lambat je?"

*tundukmalu*

itu baru abah yang menegur, orang yang paling rapat dengan kita, yang kenal kita Bagaimana pula dengan mad'u kita yang hanya memandang dengan first impression, adakah mereka akan tsiqah dengan kita? adakah mereka nampak qudwah hasanah yang kita cuba tonjolkan?

seorang ukhti ada berkongsi pesan luqmanul hakim yang dinukilkan dalam buku zero to hero,
janganlah sampai ayam jantan berkokok menandakan waktu fajar sewaktu kita asyik berdengkur di atas katil.

Cuba ubah diri. 
Me and you, together we change ourselves,
for the sake of ourselves, the ummah, and Allah.









Monday, February 4, 2013

ironically 'zhon' was easier said

Crushed, slapped, broken into pieces,
that was how hard, that slip of statement hit me.

I question myself, me and you,
does this road make you go astray,
for you to come out with such a say.

I wonder and ponder,
what on earth did go wrong,
was it because i wasn't strong?

I know this is too fast,
to make everything yet to become past,

you haven't concluded
nor have you deluded,

of what have you to decide
and to become of pride

wouldn't you give it a go
and perceive jalan dakwah, either high or low,

I love you dear ukht,
with all my heart and soul
with all my flesh and blood,
to let you go off all alone

off guarded, unloaded,
into this world of mirage and fairytales,
that shadows the beauty of Jannah,

dear ukht,
find your sword and shield,
to protect from the hunger of dunya,
or from the silent killing shaytan,

dear ukht,
analyse, decide and get going,
no matter what you choose,
I will always love you.

Your ukht,
030213
sunday
alexandria

Deeply, I truly hope you choose us though :'(


Friday, February 1, 2013



In life, we always see signboards showing us places to go. But the main thing is, we must know where to head.

I miss Borneo atmosphere and its people :)

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

midnight ramble

Sometimes, I just forget, that I'm human.
Sometimes, I just forget, that its been a while since asked from Him.
Sometimes, just sometimes, these feelings come, to wake me up.

To wake up the sleeping giant.

Teringat jaulah langkawi bersama akhawat, that beautiful memory, still placed preciously inside me.Bukan tak pernah pergi langkawi, pernah je, but the feeling was different with them.

That magical different.

I guess, I just have to give chance for another magical thing to happen again right?

The stunning panaroma captured, the exquisite surrounding shown and the happiness glowing in the faces, creeps jealousy inside me.

Jealousy that overshadows the intentions.

Dangerous and intoxicating shaytan never fails to stop whispering to the qalbu, to do according to hawa', I know its wrong, I just simply forgot.