11 muharram 1435

I am someone who easily gets jealous with other peoples happiness.

Now i know, thats bad enough aint it?

Sangkaan dan self non satisfaction,

Apabila orang ada anak usrah yang happening, i get jealous and feels as if my anak usrah is not as happening as that.

Apabila orang boleh bagi taujihat kaw kaw, i get jealous and feel as if i give taujihat lemau segantang

Apabila orang pakai baju jubah lawa, or blouse labuh labuh lawa, I get jealous, blame myself why im a plus size and feels as if i myself is wreckless in style

Apabila ada orang memang boleh in dengan segenap jenis manusia, i get jealous and think that i dont know how to mingle with others and as if i cannot be a whole rounded muslim

Apabila orang selalu on a vacation with their family, i get jealous and ponders back at my own family, where we rarely get to gather due to us studying abroad

Apabila ada kawan yang sudah pun kahwin, bakal atau sudah pun menimang cahaya mata, i get jealous of them finding their perfect match and about to have kids of their own.

All in all, i could rant all day, but i found a pattern already in my complaint, i always feel that, the grass on the other side is ALWAYS greener.

Sentiasalah orang lain lebih baik dari kita, dan semua yang kita semua buruk.

My mum, said, i was always unhappy of myself since i was small, and i was taken aback by my ummi's statement.

Qalilan ma tashkurun, hanya sedikit sahaja dari kalian yang bersyukur.

Dan andai i get indulged in this non satisfactory, maka i will never be among the sedikit.

Allahu shakur!

Belajarlah untuk bersyukur, belajarlah untuk menerima diri kamu seadanya, belajarlah untuk menjadi positif, belajarlah memotivasikan orang, dan mencari potensi diri.

Belajarlah, kerana sewaktu nabi adam diciptakan, he was also clueless, up until, Allah taught him the things he was suppose to know until he became knowleadgable.

Jadi nabi adam juga belajar, dan saya juga harus memilih untuk terus belajar.

Belajar tentang erti kehidupan yang tidak pernah ada dalam lampiran buku, belajar tentang erti hidup adalah pada memberi, khusus kepada diri saya yang biasanya berada di pihak yang sentiasa menerima, belajar untuk terus fastabiqul khairat, belajar meletakkan sangkaan baik untuk sesiapa sahaja yang ditemui.

A few days back, i found my first buku usrah, it was on 6th of shaaban 1431. So imagine that, i have been having usrah for the past 4 years, and im still having this old cranky side of mine, which obviously shows, that we are humans not robots!

Sometimes, i just need to sit back and look ahead and the past, 

Bersyukur ada ummi dan abah, yang sentiasa menjaga kami sekeluarga,

Bersyukur kerana ada siblings to turn to when we are feeling really sad,

Bersyukur untuk rasa syukur itu sendiri, kepada yang maha pencipta syukur.

I sometimes worry about my progress in tarbiyyah, either directly proportional or merudum,

Masih bisa mencari kekuatan untuk cuba berdiri utuh dan berjalan menujuNya.

Reassuring, readjusting and readapting. 

Breathe in, and breathe out, enough for now, moga kerana Allah, jari jemariku menekan keyboard untuk terus menulis, dan ada manfaat bersama.

Dan ingin menyelit, sedikit nukilan yang diilhamkan oleh Allah,

Why did it take so long to realise,

To know what is right and what is so wrong,

A guy and a girl shouldnt easily get along,

Why did it take so long to realise.

Since when did love become a game,

Phrasing love sentences and sounding so lame,

Holding hands and putting us muslims in shame,

Since when, again, did love become a game.

Because Allah, is our majesty,

Should we put into our hearts, pure love and honesty,

To him the one and only,

To Allah, he is our majesty.