Thursday, May 16, 2013

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Indeed, words are beautiful.

I believe in expressions through words. Either verbally or written. Words can turn out as a magical incantation and for me, words from people out there, are words from Allah.

Benarlah, hakikatnya Allah yang mengilhamkan kepada kita semuanya.

And I will keep holding on to that.

Either expressed through the Broca's Area, a region of motor neurons in the brain that control speech or interpreted through the Wernicke's Area, a region also found in the brain that recognizes language, words communicate people.

And for me, I choose both, expressing verbally and through writings . But I somehow love writing more, because I can express things from the bottom of my heart and at that instance I feel the intimacy between me and that piece of paper. And that exclusive moment with my Creator is beautiful, because it is He who understand us perfectly.

Maka ingatlah kepadaKu,Aku pun akan ingat kepadamu.Bersyukurlah kepadaKu, dan janganlah kamu ingkar kepadaKu
Al-Baqarah:verse 152

Beautiful captured.

But alas, I realize its so hard to write nowadays. I stare bluntly to my laptop's screen, and then I minimize the window or it'll remain as a draft. It just doesn't come out.

Dan after series of muhasabah diri and pillow talks with my room mate, I stop to one reason,

SINS

Because of my sins, I find myself unable to project ideas and write from my heart. My heart is being tortured by the sins I make, and all I do is keep calm do nothing.

People whom I care fillah,

Sins done by us, whispered by the horrible shaytan's and followed by the weak nafs, unnoticedly we fall into their trap. We sin, either realizing it or not, we do it. And that increases our workload of mujahadah, burden of jahiliyyah and hardens the rock of egoism in us.
We want to say good stuff, do good deeds but we demolish the rewards from Him by secretly doing bad stuff, saying awful remarks.

Either its a small sin, or a big sin. A sin will remain a sin, and that makes us a sinner.

T-T

Gosh, even writing this sounds bad, doesn't it?

Sometimes, we live in denial, saving our own guts, but we have to ask our very own selves, betul-betul tak tahu bahawa seuatu itu dosa, atau benar-benar jahil tentangya. Which ever statement suits us, never hesitate to seek forgiveness, Allah forgives. Tapi ketahuilah juga, Allah amat keras seksaan, so don't make a fool out of yourself before its too late.

And sometimes, I find myself in denial too, which is not good to stay in this state long enough. And so I quickly ask for help from naqibah or akhawat around me, because during this time, my iman is at its most critical state and all I need is words of comfort to recharge again my imaan.

Being a human, standing on His earth as a caliph, waiting for the Day of judgement ain't easy. We keep doing good deeds and bad deeds, because we realize, we aren't perfect creatures. We are His slaves. And because it is not as easy as black and white, the grey area is the hardest to decipher. Thus, he never blames us completely when we get off track, instead, awaits for us to call upon Him to guide us and fall in Love with him,

Again and Again,

Beautiful.

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