Friday, December 31, 2010


Happy New Year everyone!
It’s nearly the verge of 2010 and everyone’s chit chatting here and there about Malaysia’s football team,winning last night.Despite losing in Indonesia they won overall and I must say they won our hearts too,don’t they,so a big round of applause once again.
Like in one of a sports column said,after 14 years of ‘drought’,we have finally found our oasis,alhamdulillah!
And to you,my housemate,you can do it okay,don’t worry  about people around you,Malaysia Boleh!
Now,everyone’s talking about resolutions and renewing them.One of my lecturer told about putting a manifesto on our wall and before sleeping at night do a little ‘muhasabah diri’.I was thinking to do one myself,but I remembered my resolutions have never been finished,so instead of bothering myself to think and make up new stuff,I prefer to utilize my unfinished missions,insyaAllah
To my kids,I owe you guys a sitting right?I’ll try to replace it as soon as possible,usrah’s can’t be postponed too long.tak elok gitu.
And to wrap up the day,we just finished physics class,and I always feel soothed whenever mr zaini’s class is on air.He’s got groove and he’s the most dedicated person that I’ve ever seen on earth.
We were learning forced oscillation and he was giving an example by drawing a girl on swing,and suddenly he drew a daddy pushing the girl and wrote a caption saying ‘daddy that is bullied by the girl’,OMG!it was hilarious, the whole class was  rolling on the floor laughing in no time,but still his ways are precious and totally understandable .
Basically,the concept was that the daddy acts as the ‘external force’ and daddy gives force periodically when pushing the girl so he will have the ‘driver frequency’,thus the girl swings and she will be the ‘driven frequency’,if the daddy gave the girl constant force when pushing,well then,a few seconds later ,she’ll be definitely thrown off the swing.So this is what we call forced oscillation.
Before he ended,he gave a few reminders.
1.Do not play and party too much!
2.Take care of yourself.
3.and don’t forget to study.
Baiklah sir!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Allah is with me,you and all of us.

Hadis Abu Hurairah r.a katanya:

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda: Allah s.w.t berfirman: Aku adalah berdasarkan kepada sangkaan hamba-Ku terhadap-Ku. Aku bersamanya ketika dia mengingati-Ku. Apabila dia mengingatiKu dalam dirinya, nescaya aku juga akan mengingatinya dalam diri-Ku. Apabila dia mengingati-Ku dalam suatu kaum, nescaya Aku juga akan mengingatinya dalam suatu kaum yang lebih baik daripada mereka. Apabila dia mendekati-Ku dalam jarak sejengkal, nescaya Aku akan mendekatinya dengan jarak sehasta. Apabila dia mendekati-Ku sehasta, nescaya Aku akan mendekatinya dengan jarak sedepa. Apabila dia datang kepada-Ku dalam keadaan berjalan seperti biasa, nescaya Aku akan datang kepadanya dalam keadaan berlari-lari anak.

Allah is with me,you and all of us no matter what.

I wanted to start today with a such a sweet hadith qudsi.For me,the moment i hear this hadith being recited,its like a love letter from my lover,Allah.

Astaghfirullahal'azim.I would definitely have to remind myself to be patient whenever I'm not in a very rational condition.I will get all tensed,I would feel pissed off with everything around me and it will lead me to curse whatever happening in front of me,mashaAllah!

Last night,I was so mad last night,I was stressed out with my classes in college,how I felt like time was creeping by so slow and loads of things to be catching up.And I really hate people scolding in front of my face,so eventhough it hasn't happen yet,still the fact that you are being scolded 24/7 will arise a feeling of uncomfortable and insincerity,won't it?and than, when i returned home,i felt as if my existence was deniable,I was as though no one cared(I'm really particular and sensitive in gestures and tender care btw,my bad).And the fact that Abah cooked a magnificent dinner similar to a thanksgiving's day meal but of course it wasn't a real turkey okay,still relapse this feeling of mine.

so,what happened?

obviously,I straight away started blogging and there were some foul languages here and there,but it wasn't finished.I just left it in my draft,and I think it will be preserved there from now on.

so towards the night,we had gather,the whole family,or should I call it the Ladies Night?I think I should.Basically everyone was talking and everyone was listening.It felt good and I was soothed. 

I slowly whisper to myself,I have to be a good girl from now on.

Today,my brother Ahmad and my sister Maryam had an Ihtifal,Una,Abah and Ummi also went to see their performances,too bad me and Ifah couldn't follow due to something less important.

But the highlights were,by the time everyone came home,they were all chanting a nasyid sung by all the kids who participated the camp my siblings joined.At first,it sounded like a typical nasyid,but hearing it in slow motion really meant something,it sounded something and it was working on something,the only thing I could link was the rise of an Ummah,Allahuakbar!

It went like this,

Umat Islam harus cemerlang
hari ini 
mesti lebih baik dari semalam
jangan buang masa
siapa kata kita tidak boleh
kita ada allah maha kuasa
kita punya kuasa tenaga
doa sebagai senjata
Umat Islam sentiasa boleh!
Umat Islam sentiasa boleh!

Again,Allah is with me,you and all of us.

Friday, December 24, 2010

happy birthday sissy

first of all,it's christmas eve guys!so i want everyone to smile the best they can and to put on their best behaviour ever,

its 24 december,I was wanting to do this whole heartedly,so I guess I would just simply say,Happy Birthday Ifah and May Allah bless you.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

one two jus

suddenly on one fine morning,we were chanting

ola oli
ku beri nama
saudara saudari
chikaboom chikaboom
siang siang hari,malam malam hari
disco disco
putih putih melentik ali baba
merah merah menyala 
miow miow
siapa yang baik hati
tengok siapa yang kena

now after all those years,I get to conclude that,we were so childish at that time,besides how on earth could we chant something as preposterous as that!and if we sing it back now,its like uber hilarious and we would be cackling and rolling on the floor in no time!

today,PMR results were announced,and my friends who had brothers or sisters who sat for this year's PMR did excel these days are super excellent.

well,I'm not as allergic to the field now,as I do in the old days,at least I can profute water from my body and it makes me feel better,

last night's beauty class with miss zawani really made me thinking that I need to take care of myself better,jange bolo' sangat dih?

well then,I wanted to tell more,but its vanished the moment I sat on this blue chair,thats why all the writings above are all random.

off to go for akhawat games,fastabiqul khairat!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

history repeats

I'm left behind,I need to buck up!!

Its hard when you don't want duniawi to linger you but whatever regarding duniawi is what people judge first.I'm in a class similar to 5f and my position is just like I used to be,the ones who need to be highlighted and taken care of,its like deja vu and very ironic,I feel surrounded by people who are magnificent and deserve the lime light,oh but then where am I?,Oh Allah,do I deserve India?do I deserve being a doctor?have I fulfilled being a full-time Muslim?

It's hard being in a group of those that knows everything and understand everything but I find myself  still bobbing up and down and clueless in what to do,Oh The Almighty,show me guidance,be with me ya Allah.

I find myself lost sometimes,I find myself embarassed and I find myself not worthful,remember! I have thousands of responsibility but I don't know which one have a catered yet.

I'm worried instead of being a muharikah,I'm a mayyit,my jasad is alive but my ruh is as dead as a corpse.

I'm always worrying and worrying

and continue to feel worried,

when will I take serius action?

now !

can I?

Sunday, December 12, 2010

salam maal hijrah

its now 1432 hijrah and I want to move on

menara bangsa

i survived throughout the whole camp

jika ditanya skala yang di beri untuk BTN tersayang ni,saya rasa akan berlaku fluctuation di sebabkan beberapa perkara,mainly sebab fasililtator yang kadangkala beremosi yang kadangkala menimbulkan emosi di dalam diri sendiri ditambah pula dengan penyampaian yang pada awalnya neutral bertukar menjadi berat sebelah di dalam sesetengah situasi,bukan jurulatih-jurulatihnya sebab pakcik-pakcik jurulatih sangatlah terbaik punya!kemudian faktor-faktor peribadi which i really don't want to start telling about,they're just a bunch of jerks,so never mind.

jika diberi peluang untuk pergi lagi saya mungkin akan berdalih,tapi kalau Allah izinkan saya untuk menuntut ilmu di luar negara lagi,saya mungkin terpaksa pergi lagi.aduhai.

sebenarnya saya tertarik untuk bercerita tentang beberapa perkara,

I'm so grateful for pak sameon because,he chose me to be the chairperson in one of the talks,and that is a good experience,I've always wanted to be one,and I get to be one at last,

then,during Subuh on the second day,he talked about how we all felt a little forced up instead of being in Meru sincerely,thus he told us to refresh our niat,

"kalau kita niat lillahi taa'la,kita sudah dapat pahala,duduk atas surau ini,dan berniat i'tikaf,dah peroleh pahala,kan lebih baik macam tu"

and it totally touched my heart,I mean,its not like I wasn't being told about niat and stuff,but in such simple matters,I forget

and then,I learned and was smacked in the face that,I need to read a lot,and a lot as in loads of facts and figures that I should simply remember by the tips of my fingers,

how many people in malaysia?
what about the issue of perkara 153?
what about hak keistemewaan orang melayu?
since when agama islam was agama perseketuan not an agama rasmi?

and I learnt that,we need to be grateful of what we have,we need to appreciate all the accommodations given or whatsoever gifts we get from the government and serve the nation for the sake of Allah.

abah said ,

what I learn during usrah is practical,stuff in BTN is theory and reality,by the end of the day,I am the one who needs sorting out the facts,and take whats happening around me on the right track as a muslim,for the sake of Allah ,insyaAllah

kita sudah tiada perlu tidur,kerna mimpu sudah ada di depan mata

bangunlah wahai anak bangsa
bangkitlah wahai ummah
fastibaqul khairat
maka bangunlah orang orang yang berselimut(al muzzamil)

BTN Meru was just fine,don't get me wrong,and I must say the food was splendid.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


i want to go on a vacation not a silly training session!

and my ummi is chanting 'oh uniknya uniknya singapura!' along with una and maryam,oh snap, it just can't slip out of my head.

Friday, December 3, 2010

big picture

salamun'alaik to all/
as i mentioned in the previous post of how homesick i was,didn't i?well at that instant,i was at rumaisak and i was  left alone accompanied by rashidah and shazureen.well,anyway,to shorten the story,as i woke up from slumber the next day,we decided to join an intensive daurah that was made for folks who were on summer vacations from new zealand and australia.

so,after quite some time,we moved from bangi to putrajaya with kak aie.she drove all the way to botanic garden,putrajaya.

as i entered the botanic garden,subhanaAllah,it was a wonderful picturesque!as the four of us were heading to a hut,some group we running towards us,as they came closer,they panted,

"baru eh,jom la join kitorang,tak cukip sorang,"

and withour further ado,i joined running with them,with such a brief taaruf,i was told that they were attending an explorace and they already completed one checkpoint,there were four more to go.the clue was 'the journey begins here'

so we ran and ran as fast as we could and we nearly covered the whole garden,(ignore my exaggeration,hee)then at last we reached the first checkpoint,the task was to act regarding a sahabat given,and we got abu dzar ghifari,so we did a small play,on how he reverted to islam and he spreaded islam in mecca,but unfortunately he was'nt well welcomed and got himself into a fight,but he didn't fight back,he fainted nearly three times but he didn't give up until Rasulullah s.a.w told him to return back to his village,alhamdulillah,his village accepted him and they all reverted into islam.

our next checkpoint was at a small table we call , 'cendawan',we had to do some quranic generations and hadith,we had to do some guessing of certain surahs and which verse they come from and then certain hadiths we had to tell what was the contents

moving on,we reached the next checpoint named 'dipan-dipan syurga' where we given a balloon and we had to pass it backwards without looking behind,here the ibrah was that,the balloons were like our dakwah,we are passing it from one generation to another,and dakwah is delicate,so wh have to take care of it carefully.besides that,everyone plays a vital role,if one of them wasn't in position then,there would be a flaw in our team and the balloon might burst,or the dakwah is forgotten,thus we need to start all over again and that would take some time.

hurriedly we move to the last checkpoint where we had to carry a glass of water ,that was put in the middle of a big sized paper,we had to move some steps and we had to be extra careful,because everyone feared the glass of water might fall,plus there were some disturbance from the akhawat at that particular checkpoint,she was jumping on the bridge and she was fidgeting with our group members.we finally succeeded and the ibrah this time was that we have to move in a team,no matter how slow the pace was,we have to be in a team,and if there was outside disturbance,we have to support each other to bear with it.

and then we completed the whole checkpoint and was given a roll of papers,but we returned to the small hut,the place where it started.

after filling our hungry stomach,and relieving the exhausted parts,we were gathered again and kak alaa' conducted the final task,the task was to stick all the bits and pieces of the rolled papers like a stated earlier,everyone was busy sticking the pieces with cellotape and at last it was completed,it showed 10 muwassofat tarbiyyah (ciri-ciri yang perlu ada untuk seorang indivindu muslim)

salimul aqidah
shahiihul ibadah
matinul khuluq
qaadurun 'alal kasbi
mutsaqqaful fikri
qawiyyul jisim
mujahidun li nafsih
munazhzhom fi syu'unih
harishun 'ala waqithi
nafi'un li ghairihi

1. Kuat tubuh badan (Qawiyyal Jism)

- sabda Rasulullah SAW, " Mukmin yang kuat itu lebih baik dan lebih dikasihi ALLAH dari mukmin yang lemah, tetapi pada keduanya ada kebaikan"


2. Akhlak yang mantap (Matinul Khuluq)
- Imam Hassan al-Bana pernah menyatakan kewajipan seorang da'ie itu intuk bersifat sensitif, tawadhu', benar dalam perkataan dan perbuatannya, tegas, menunaikan janji, berani, serius, menjauhi teman buruk dsbnya


3. Berpengetahuan luas ( Mutsaqqafal Fikri)
- pesan Imam Hassan al-Bana "Perlu boleh membaca dengan baik, mempunyai perpustakaan sendiri, dan cuba menjadi pakar dalam bidang yang diceburi"
- seorang da'ie perlu berpengetahuan luas tentang Islam dan pengetahuan am supaya dapat menceritakan kepada orang lain perihal hal berkenaan di samping perlu sentiasa berpandukan al-Quran dan as-Sunnah
- seorang da'ie juga perlu mampu membaca al-Quran dengan baik, bertadabbur, dan sentiasa mempelajari sirah, kisah salafu soleh, dan kaedah serta rahsia hukum yang penting


4. Mampu berdikari ( Qadiran ala Kasbi )
- seorang da'ie meskipun seorang yang berharta, perlu juga bekerja namun tidak wajarlah untuk seorang da'ie untuk terlalu mengejar harta kebendaan serta pangkat dalam kehidupan duniawi ini
- Ihsan perlulah sentiasa tertanam dalam diri setiap individu muslim yang menggelarkan diri mereka sebagai seorang da'ie; perlu sentiasa benar dalam perlakuan dan perbuatannya
- seorang da'ie perlu mampu untuk memiliki serta mencari harta sendiri tanpa mengharapkan belas ihsan daripada orang lain semata-mata;
- seorang da'ie perlulah menguasai sesuatu kemahiran supaya tidak terlalu bergantung kepada orang lain dalam menyelesaikan sesuatu permasalahan yang timbul kelak
- dalam soal kewangan, seorang da'ie perlulah sentiasa memelihara diri daripada riba dalam semua aspek kehidupan, serta mampu untuk menyimpan untuk waktu kesempitan, menjauhi segala bentuk kemewahan yang melalaikan serta pembaziran, seorang da'ie perlu mampu memastikan setiap sen yang dibelanjakan tidak jatuh ke tangan bukan islam


5. Akidah yang sejahtera ( Salimul Aqidah)
- seorang da'ie mestilah redha ALLAH sebagai Tuhan, Islam sebagai agamanya, serta Muhammad SAW sebagai nabi dan rasul terakhir yang diutuskan ALLAH kepada manusia sejagat
- sentiasalah muraqabah kepada ALLAH serta sentiasa mengingati akhirat, memperbanyak nawafil dan zikir
- seorang da'ie hendaklah tidak lupa untuk sentiasa menjaga kebersihan hati, sentiasa memperbaharui taubat, istighfar, menjauhi dosa, serta syubhat


6. Ibadah yang sahih ( Sahihul Ibadah )
- Seorang da'ie perlu melakukan ibadat yang dapat meninggikan roh serta jiwanya; perlulah sentiasa memperbetul amalannya dan mengetahui halal haram suatu perkara dan sentiasa bersederhana dan tidak terlalu melampau-lampau dalam setiap urusan dalam kehidupan sehariannya.


7. Mampu melawan hawa nafsu ( Mujahadah ala Nafsi )
- Seorang da'ie perlulah sentiasa mempunyai azam yang kuat. bersungguh-sungguh untuk meawan kehendak nafsunya sebaliknya mengikut apa yang diperintah Islam di samping mengendahkan kata-kata orang lain dalam mempraktikkan Islam yang sebenar.
-perlu diingat juga, orang yang lagi hebat akan lagi hebat jualah cubaan yang ALLAH turunkan kepadanya, oleh itu sentiasalah kita menyiapkan diri dalam menghadapi segalan cubaan dan dugaan ALLAH itu


8. Menjaga waktu ( Haarithun ala Waqtihi )
- seorang da'ie perlulah sentiasa berdoa agar waktu yang ada ini sentiasalah diberkati ALLAH seperti mana yang sering didoa oleh para sahabat Rasulullah SAW yang terdahulu.


9. Tersusun dalam segala urusan ( Munazzamun fi syu'unihi )
- Seorang da'ie perlulah sentiasa mempunyai kemahiran dalam menyusun segala perancangan urusan harian serta jangka panjang, setiap da'ie digalakkan untuk mencatit maratib amal untuk kelancaran segala urusan mereka


10. Bermamfaat untuk orang lain( Nafi'un li ghairihi )
- Seorang da'ie diumpamakan seolah-olah sebatang lilin yang sedang membakar diri untuk menyuluh jalan orang lain sedangkan dirinya terbakar sendirian, namun usahlah gentar kerana da'ie adalah tunggak penggerak kepada dakwah Islamiyah, nescaya usahamu akan diberikan ganjaran berganda oleh ALLAH taala
- amal Islam seorang da'ie adalah untuk menyelamatkan orang lain sekaligus diri sendiri daripada kesesatan supaya di akhirat kelak masing-masing dapat menjawab setiap persoalan ALLAH dengan bekalan iman yang mencukupi di dada masing-masing tanpa perlu menyalahkan antara satu sama lain.
- ingatlah wahai da'ie, kegembiraanmu hanyalah apabila kamu dapat membantu orang lain, yang terindah semestinya jika mampu membawa seseorang itu ke jalan yang diberkati ALLAH taala sekaligus menjauhkan seseorang itu daripada perbuatan-perbuatan mungkar.



like what kak alaa' said,being alone as a da'ie ,its hard to make people understand what is our goal and what are we heading?of course jannah it is,but we are building blocks and climbing the stairs of maratib amal to become and ustaziatul alam,so just like the jigsaw puzzles,the peices alone is meaningless,but when it is stick together than the big picture is seen,inshaaAllah.
then i discovered that the botanical garden buildings were exactly the same as the great al hambra of granada,spain ,and all the buildings are inscripted with 'wa la ghalib ilallah-and there is no conquerer except for Allah'


there you go,it looks like,i don't need to go to spain after all,its here in malaysia

an jzkk akhawat for the great time in botanic garden and masjid besi putrajaya!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

the rise of ummah

if a kid this big,could think  and given tarbiyyah as good as this
its not long till  the rise of another salahuddin al ayyubi or even a rise of sultan mohammad  fateh

disclaimer:watch it until the end

Monday, November 29, 2010

status updates

Alhamdulillah,I just got back from jaulah muharikah in a superb but exhausting state.running across the country from johor,melaka,johor again and back to selangor was a uber cool!

but i feel homesick already,
i haven't seen my parents and siblings yet,
i want home.

still,i reminisce the moment i was feeling he soothingness of tangkak waterfall,subhanaAllah.its been ages since i get to jump and swim around in public,i thought i was too big for all these excitement,i guess i was wrong!

Friday, November 26, 2010

a perfect ending for an uber beginning

scrubbing  and scraping the dirt and germs off the panes in the toilet made me realise and white really have a different,and to think all this while , in front of our eyes,sins we do indeliberately or without noticing it, actually dirt our heart out!but how often do we clean this dear thing,how often do we reformat or scrape the bad things or easy said the 'jahilliyyah' out of the heart?

i always complain that i'm insufficient of knowlegde to spread the words of islam due to lack of 'filling up',but to one extent,i realise that i'm always with excuses,the predicament is within me,not with the knowledge gained.sometimes, it doesn't mean we need to go to a faraway land to gain experience,but just by climbing the hill of ktt gives you tarbiyyah that you don't often get!

and the moment we grab Allah's hidayah or we get that particular tarbiyyah,we need to spread the words of Islam straight away,that's why in our phase of life,we get to be a mutarabbi and then we have to be a murabbi to another generation of mutarabbi.Alhamdulillah,I'm trying to go through the second phase and I really hope that our mad'u ,me and athina,will also be a murabbi eventually to another layer of generation,InsyaAllah.And while we are busily stacking this blocks of building,we get to rise the Islam's Empire to an extent which is the similar or even better to the time of abbasiyyah,at that time,Islam was the talk of the town and people everywhere was expressing ad-deen,as the way of life.but according to the current status quo,people are slaving themselves to the west,naudzubillah min zalik that we are one them.

I was flipping the newspaper this morning when an article caught my eyes.It was about the life and obstacle faced by muallafs,and one section was about abdul rauf abdullah,seorang pendakwah bebas.his words was so meaningful that it nearly made me burst into tears,he said,
"bayangkan dalam jutaan manusia,Allah memilih kita untuk menjadi umat Nabi Muhammad SAW,seharusnya tiket yang diperoleh apabila bergelar Muslim digunakan sebaik-baiknya untuk berdakwah serta memberi kebaikan kepada orang lain,walau apa juga cabaran mendatang,tetapkan pegangan kepada yang satu iaitu Allah,"
SubhanAllah,and these are the words of someone who has been a muslim for a couple of years,what about us?what about me?what about us who have been forever a muslim,isyaAllah,have I ever stored that in my heart?

so,before I start the adventures towards south peninsula,jaulah muharikah,I just want you and me,to clarify our niat regarding our work as a da'ie,and pray for my sincerity in seeking Allah throughout the journey insyaAllah!

jazakillah for the splendid meal last night,alhamdulillah we accomplished part of the mission,we'll the other half next time insyaAllah.kudos to chef athina,kown,ilan and nad for the superb mee soup and 'sagu'special!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

3 down 1 more to GO!

i'm about to finish my exams and i can't wait to complete the whole of A-Levels(taking a deep breath),i don't know why,but everything is falling apart,and to think everything is going to be even more complex than complex number next semester,due to a grudge,taking care of people's heart and an incident,i now can't ask questions publicly,i don't belong to anyone,so don't chain me,and make my life a misery.

i'm so sorry,but this is killing me inside

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

i still need some time to think about last night's incident
i can't keep on bluffing myself but i am sad and devastated,but don't worry,i've forgiven you anyway,it's just that i need some space to think about it.

don't worry,i'm recovering and its true that i need to express what i really feel

Monday, November 22, 2010

apical dominance

instead of lullabies and songs is it possible to be replaced with zikr
instead of fairy tales and aesop's fable is it possible to be replaced with asbabun nuzul juz amma
instead of fancy dresses and shades is it possible to be replaced with shawls and abayas
instead of mummy and daddy is it possible to be replaced with ummi and abah
instead of a well-known profesionalist is it possible to be replaced by a full-time a da'ie

is there a chance for the rise of another
umar al khattab
salahuddin al ayyubi
tariq ziad
sultan muhammad al fateh

tiflun minal saudi

tiflun minal omman

bara'a wa samaa minal jordan

the brief time with you guys in masjidil haram made me ponder a few things,tiflun yang hebat dibentuk dari ummi yang hebat!

sesungguhnya bukan mudah untuk mendidik seorang imam shafi'e mahupun imam ghazali,sebagaimana offspring genotype follows its parents genotype,begitulah pembentukan anak yang faham addeen lahir dari seorang ummi yang faham addeen.

ini bukan satu kerja yang hasilnya dalam satu hari,ia harus bermula dari sekarang,bentuklah dirimu wahai nisa starting from now.

love letter to my sister

dear ifah,

23rd november is your D-day right?i was once in your place,all freakish to enter the hall with nothing but yourself and Allah,i was once in you place scribbling here and there on the papers given by the lembaga peperiksaan,i was once in your place,feeling blunt and out of ideas,and sometimes gushing with ideas too,i was once in your place,screaming your heart out because you misunderstood a question or forgot to put a fullstop in a sentence,i was also once in your place,seeking blessings from teachers,parents and calling them nearly everyday to tell what happened,i was once in you place,where for once i felt totally gloomy to apart with friends and to actually leave school life!
and now i end up here.

your a big girl now,big as can be,blooming as ever,i'm lucky to have you as a sister and no matter what happened between us,i love you so much ifah!(OMG i feel a prick in the eyes),i know we always have different taste and we always disagree but on top of it,its always precious when you laugh.

i always start a row with you or start picking on you,and i know i have to change it no matter what,but thanks for coping with me.i haven't been a good kak long all along but i'm trying.i know i'm acting all kakak mithali right now but this is sincerely from me.

you are really smart ifah,and your writings touch the hearts.don't forget to touch the hearts of the examiners and try to do the best you can.i still remembered when i called you during pmr,where i was sitting for my spm,you were real scared that time and i was glad i could say something to you,at least.

i'll always be here for you ifah and i hope you face spm with your big heart,i am so sorry for any wrongdoings and i forgive you too.

may Allah be with you

good luck for this coming tuesday!


the last call

my sister ifah is about to take her spm in less than a week and i am about to sit for my finals in less than a day!we'll certainly be busy these few days and months.

exams huh!

i used to be among those who would be scared to death when exam is like just in front of you and i would sacrfice my precious sleep to finish the unfinished,although i never end up finished after all.but now its different,after knowing You better, everything has slightly changed and distorted.

its not that i'm no more scared or i feel cosy enough to sit back and relax,thats void!but,you feel relieved when you know that Allah is your 'wakil' or easily said Allah is your Guardian.Just study,put some effort and leave the rest to Allah.

Ya Rabb,
forgive us,the weak,
enlighten us with your maghfirah and rahmah,
calm us and lead us to your road,
to you we believe and put our trust,
because from you we came and to you we are returning to
may we die as the syuhada'

Friday, November 19, 2010

an answer for a dilemma

hari ini usrah adik -adik lagi,dan seperti biasa,perasaan ini akan dibuai-buai oleh perasaan indah.SubhanaAllah,sungguh saya takut.takut sekiranya saya membuat usrah adik-adik kerana perasaan seronok bukan berpaksikan asbab ingin menyampaikan shahadah Allah.

astaghfirullah,izinkan saya beristighfar sebelum memulakan penceritaan saya.

perjalan mendaki bukit bermula sebaik sahaja semua menunaikan solat asar,kami berkumpul di laluan tengah antara tangga 7 dan library,setelah semua ahli ada,baru kami bergerak menaiki bukit,termengah-mengah dibuatnya,tapi saya sajalah kot,adik-adik sudah jauh kehadapan,tinggal kakak je di belakang,chaperone la katakan.anyway,we walked and paused several times because farah was having a headache and the sun was like right on top of us.we felt liked baked prawns because everyone was  red and we were walking halfway,adie's slipper got torn apart so she couldnt use it,and had to walk barefoot.pity her.all of us wanted to offer one of ours but she refused.

but alhamdulillah we reached the top of the hill and we seeked a spot,sat down and started our usrah.we started of by looking around us,the earth was as beautiful as ever and everything was at its place,the sky was above us,the grass was beneath us and the trees were everyone around us.betapa cantiknya susunan alam!semua mengikut perintah Allah.

just like the first verse of as-saff

apa yang ada di langit dan apa yang ada di bumi bertasbih kepada Allah;dan Dialah yang Maha perkasa,maha Bijaksana.


kemudian,saya menceritakan pengalaman saya bersama nad dengan hujan(rujuk previous post) dan sekali saya tegaskan kepada mereka,tarbiyyah tidak mengenali masa,tidak semestinya kita harus membuat halaqah baru dikira mendapat tarbiyah,sekalipun kita tengah makan ataupun jalan ataupun tidur kita sebenarnya mendapat tarbiyyah.kita perlu buka hati dan mata kita.

sejurus itu,athina terus menyambung usrah dengan surah al anfaal,ayat sebelas

(ingatlah),ketika Allah membuat kamu mengantuk untuk memberi ketenteraman dari-Nya,dan Allah menurunkan air(hujan) dari langit kepadamu untuk menyucikan kamu dengan (hujan) itu dan menghilangkan gangguan-gangguan syaitan  dari diri-mu dan untuk menguatkan hatimu serta memperteguh telapak kakimu(teguh pendirian).


jika kita singkap di sebalik penurunan ayat ini,ialah sewaktu perang badar,di mana tentera islam amatlah sedikit berbanding dengan tentera musyrikin,dan semua tentera islam takut dan kurang yakin sewaktu bergerak ke badar,namun,Allah turunkan hujan untuk menenangkan hati semua tentera islam termasuk nabi muhammad saw,Allah juga menurunkannya untuk menghilangkan perasaan was-was syaitan yang sedang menghasut mereka supaya takut akan jumlah bilangan tentera musyrikin serta kelengkapan alatan perang mereka.

dan kemudian athina menyambung dengan ayat 17

maka(sebenarnya) bukan kamu yang membunuh mereka,melainkan Allah yang membunuh mereka,dan bukan engkau yang melempar ketika engkau melempar,tetapi Allah yang melempar.(Allah berbuat demikian untuk membinasakan mereka)dan untuk memberi kemenangan kepada orang-orang mukmin,dengan kemenangan yang baik.Sungguh,Allah Maha Mendengar,lagi Maha Mengetahui.


di sini,walaupun tentera musyrik,bilangannya seribu dan alatan perangnya lengkap,namun begitu,kuasa Allah melebihi segala-galanya.

Same goes to our current situation,kita semua berdepan dengan exam.(itu sahajalah ujian yang dahsyat yang selalu disebut-sebut untuk peringkat umur sebegini),kalau Allah memang hendak menolong kita,maka jangan risau,Allah memang akan tolong kita sewaktu exam,kalau memang ditaqdirkan tidak lepas,memang itu ketentuan-Nya walau macamana orang lain tolong sekalipun.Kerja kita hanyalah berusaha kerana itu sememangnya  sunatullah.

Akhirnya,matahari sudah mahu melabuhkan tirainya and we had to get going,we did some finishing touches and got going.

jazakillah semua akhawat yang hadir dan moga-moga hati kita sentiasa ikhlas terhadap-Nya insyaAllah.

how on earth do you say 'No' to a question asked to you by someone,without hurting that someone.I'm sorry so much,I just can't act honest sometimes.I'm not strong you know!

dear yusof

this post is for you shakira!
take care of yusof and yourself too!
i'll try to be there for you but you know sebaik-baik penjaga is Allah,so seek Him and he'l know what to do!
trust me,love you!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

aidiladha dessert!

Lunch was superb and delicious!blended with laughters and love,i was happy all along and the feeling of get together was expressed deeply,
we had
spagetti bolognese
mixed fruit cocktail
kek batik
fried mee hoon
lemang and lots of lemang with rendang
popia papa kown and mama ilan
orange juice
to top it all up,it rained!
hujan rahmat petang-petang raya katanya...

when I was small i always chanted with my friends

its raining,its pouring
the old man is snoring
he went to bed,and bumped his head
and never got up in the morning

and it was the good old days,
coming back to reality,i don't really bother when it rains to be frank,what i know is that,when it rains,its best to snuggle back in bed and have a nap!
a real long nap.

until,nad went to my house and was jumping back and forth,hopping happily and admiring the rain so much.she quickly opened the sliding door and looked beyond our verandah.

she was as quiet as mice and looking at the rain with such peace.i decided to join her and stood beside her and looked at the rain,showering down on earth.

nad said,"kita suka hujan sebab ada orang kata,bila hujan,malaikat boleh kira every drop of rain tapi rahmat Allah,tak terkira"

it shows how uncountable and zillionth of blessings given by Allah and the angels can't even count them.


nad continued"kalau hujan,kita suka tiga benda,tengok hujan turun,rasa sejuk and dingin hujan menyelubungi kita dan bunyi derapan air hujan,sebab itu kalau tengok(dia pun tutup sliding door and peeped through the glass)tak best tengok macam tu,kena tengok (lalu dia buka sliding door seluas-luasnya)macam ni,"

Again,it remembered of me to the 179th verse of surah al-a'raaf

"dan sungguh akan kami isi neraka jahanam banyak dari segi jin dan manusia.mereka memiliki hati tetapi tidak dipergunakannya untuk memahami (ayat-ayat Allah) dan mereka memiliki mata(tetapi)tidak dipergunakan untuk melihat(tanda-tanda kekuasaan Allah),dan mereka mempunyai telinga(tetapi) tidak dipergunakannya untuk memdengarkan  (ayat-ayat Allah).Mereka seperti haiwan ternak,bahkan lebih sesat lagi.Mereka itulah orang-orang yang lengah."

we learn from nature.nature plays a big niche in making us feel closer to Allah,no matter what we look at,either the rain,the sea,the snow or even tsunami and the latest gunung berapi merapi,there is a blessing in disguise.ada pengajaran Allah di situ,kita perlu tengok dengan mata hati and think,sesungguhnya alam ini untuk orang-orang yang berfikir.

thanks nad for sharing,just now,i felt a jolt in my heart when i looked at the rain,i should look at the rain more often,there's a lot of things Allah is leading us to.jazakillah ukhti.


can't wait for the puding roti and custard sauce!