amalgamation of thoughts

Ini aku suatu ketika dahulu, sewaktu jiwa masih ampuh, masih tiada hala tuju, menjadi sang robot,  dengan menyangka hidup ini untuk hidup sahaja, aku jahil, aku tidak tahu menahu tentang pembinaan individu muslimun itu. dan ini aku sekarang, berbekalkan jiwa yang semakin stabil, cuba berdiri walaupun kadangkala rebah, tersungkur sujud kebumi, tapi aku sudah bukan sang robot, aku sudah keluar dari belenggu kejahilan, kini aku sedar betapa penting pembinaan manusiawi itu, aku cuba berdiri gah,  sebagai hamba Allah, sebagai abid Allah, sebagai seorang individu muslim. #memoriKTT #awaltarbiyyah

Dear little one,  Quench the thirst as much as you can, as long as you can,  Just now, You were still drinking milk from mummy, And now, You are using your own tiny limbs, just to grab a drink of water. #nadineimanirauhillah #reflectingmychildhood

Hati terasa begitu kosong, hidup terasa seperti zombie, itulah perasaanya semalam. Sambil menghela nafas panjang, lantas meng'whatsapp' adik, 'akak dah tunggu awak dibawah' 'okay' balasnya sepatah lantas adik itu pun turun, dan kami terus bergandingan ke pantai. Sambil-sambil bertukar-tukar khabar sebab dah lama tak bersua, alasannya, masing-masing menghadapai musim peperiksaan, akhirnya, sudah nampak kelibat pantainya, indah subhanaAllah. Terus kami menuju ke arah nafak(terowong) dan menyeberangi jalan dengan melalui nafak tersebut sehingga kami betul-betul bertentangan dengan laut dan angin menampar-nampar muka kami. Lantas dari perbualan rancak, terus terdiam, tenang melihatkan alam. Ruh segera menyahut seruan alam, tamparan angin, pukulan ombat di lautan dan manusiawi lalu lalang, mencukupkan segalanya pada hari itu, 'kita nak duduk mana dik' 'tak kisah kak' Lalu kami menyelusuri tempat pejalan kaki sambil disambut deruan angi

To me, arab was such a hard language to conquer. I could not, and did not know how to motivate myself to even get involved by this language itself. At that time, I just couldn't bring together arab language, and the language used in the al quran were just the same! Until I reached here, in Egypt. I was so excited to the fact that after this, I might not need to use the translation upon listening to an ayat recited. Yeay! So once I reached here, and settled down and realised one thing. why on earth are these arabs talking a mixed language? instead of ana azhabu ilal madrasah they were saying ana bitruh ilal madrasah (the sentence above bothe means i want to go to school) so it was bitruh, not azhabu then ana uridu bikilo thaum wa jazar they would say ana aizah tum wa gazar bikilo (the sentence above means i want to have a kilo of garlic and carrots. so now, it was aizah instead of uridu, tum istead of thaum, gazar instead of gazar.

sometimes, I write for the sake of writing, and sometimes, I tend usrah for the sake of usrah. Keep holding on.

sampai bila, kita nak jadi, seperti pahat dan penukul, sekali diketuk, baru tembus, apabila mendengarkan peringatan, baru terhegeh-hegeh nak beringat, apabila membacakan status da'wi, baru sibuk-sibuk nak;  like,  share, buat status baru juga, apabila melihatkan orang meluru berbuat kebaikan, baru terburu-buru nak buat amal ibadah melangut juga, apabila orang score dalam exam, baru nak buat jadual belajar, apabila orang tutup aurat dulu, baru tersedar nak ikut syariat juga, apabila keluar sana sini demi tuntutan da'wi, baru kita terkocoh-kocoh menyahut seruan syahadatul haq itu, sampai bila? sampai bila, ada orang buat, baru nak buat juga, sampai bila? sampai bila, orang memberi kekuatan, baru nak rasa diperkuatkan, sampai bila? sampai bila, nak jadi, seperti pahat dan penukul, sampai bila? sampai orang LAIN dahulu yang temui syahid ke? T-T p/s its 25th of nov, a month to go for the new year to come p/s/s upon reaching the age

when words cannot describe, when pictures just doesn't portray, then its not the words that are needed, nor the pictures that aren't able to picture the message, bahagia. susunan ayat mungkin tidak mampu mencapai erti kebahagiaan sebenarnya, mahupun rajah yang  sepatutnya menunjukkan kebahagiaan juga tak mampu menjadi kayu ukur bahagia. Biarlah dia bahagia, kita mendoakan dia, Biarlah mereka bahagia, kita mendoakan mereka, berbahagialah dengan apa yang ada, kerana kita takkan rasa kebahagiaan kalau kita yang tak nak rasakannya. cuba menjadi insan bahagia

allahumma saiban nafi'an allah yang menurunkan hujan, rahmatilah kami dengan hujanmu! Dulu, i used to chant some nursery rhyme i learnt in reception, It went like this, Rain, rain go away  Come again another day. Halt. Go away? Why on earth would we want the rain to go?  Hujan itu rahmat buat seluruh alam,  Buat pokok-pokok Buat manusia manusia Buat haiwan haiwan Jadi, mana mungkin kita minta pula untuk diberhentikan hujan. In Alexandria, Hujan tanda perubahan musim, From summer to winter. Indeed, alam juga perlukan perubahan, inikan manusia, memang perlukan penghijrahan. Kini sudah meniti hari ke dua belas dalam bulan muharram, menandakan sudah hampir cecah setengah bulan dalam tahun baru dalam kalender islam.  1435 Banyak benda yang nak diresolusikan untuk hijrah kali ini, tapi Allah sediakan diri ini lebih awal dan dari banyak tragedi yang tidak disangka-sangka. Jadi, after readjusting, kini cuba untuk merealisasikan penghijrahan itu. The chant of rain should supposedly be,  Rai

me : do you have a blog? A: ada ke orang ada blog sekarang? me: *speechless* Its hard to explain, I still blog, though once I while, I still do, and I like doing it, I still keep a diary with me, maybe I do not write everything daily, but I still do. Its hard to explain, Because writing here, jus makes me feel, satisfied. I do not mind, either that I have less than 10 viewers or maybe none, because I know that my blog is always viewed by Him and the Angels. Compared to updating statuses, or twittering way, or even instagram-ing, tumblr-ing, and many more, I still think, I need to keep blogging. Indeed I do. Its not about viewers, or likers, or commenters. Its something unexplainable, because you have got to do it to understand it. Like doing da'wah, you wouldn't totally understand and know how it feels unless you start doing it. So which ever you prefer, its up to you, to choose.

aku lihat, aku scroll up and down, dan kembali melihatkan blog, yang masih segan hidup mati tak mahu ini. sudah punah pengunaan bahasa inggeris ini, grammar entah ke mana, vocabs makin lemau, structure ayat tak menarik etc etc etc, and feeling gloomy because of that, due to the habit of reading then less than 10 books in a year, and rarely conversing in english, thus the language doesn't stay inside me, its vague now, almost turning into a permanent loss, mungkin begitulah juga hati, apabila tidak membaca al quran, dengan constant, maka hati itu mengeras tanpa sedar, namun, berbekalkan rahmat Allah, dengan sensitivity iman yang berbaki, masih boleh kita merangkak dalam lemah, mencari Dia, mengislah diri. terkilan dengan diri.

Jumu'ah barakah, Look at the picture thoroughly, It actually shows us, Beberapa saff ketika solat jumaat tadi. In egypt, People just pray anywhere,  Because dimana-mana sahaja, semuanya bumi Allah. In Egypt, azan overlaps, Because, dimana-mana, semuanya mahu jumpa Allah. In Egypt, doa serta harapan sering diucapkan, because, dimana-mana, semuanya mahu keredhaanNya In Egypt, hampir every corner ada masjid, Because dimana- mana, semuanya memudahkan mereka mendekati Pencipta Namun, tidaklah seindah tulisan ini, keadaan di egypt, Diceritakan oleh anak usrah pada petang tadi, Pasca revolution thaniah(kedua) ini, Ada antara mereka yang merasakan islam itu adalah, keturunan, adat, ikutan semata Lalu merasakan revolusi itu adalah keluar dari belenggu tribulasi dan mehnah Dan ada yang tidak ingin kepada pemerintahan syari'e Dan ada yang merasakan tidak perlu kepada aurat ataupun batasan Cukuplah mengaku adanya Allah dan m

 A glimpse of the mediterranean sea, Along with the big bulky rocks, Having breakfast of nasi lemak,  While the People were having a jog or breeze walking, Wih Cats playing and jumping around, Being uninvited visitors to our rendezvous, The sound of ; Wind blowing, Waves wrecking, The sun peeping out sheepishly, shining the whole of Alexandria, The world was shadowed by the velvety clouds, The one moment i forgot to say alhamdulillah, to the one who created such beauty. alhamdulillah thum alhamdulillah.

I am someone who easily gets jealous with other peoples happiness. Now i know, thats bad enough aint it? Sangkaan dan self non satisfaction, Apabila orang ada anak usrah yang happening, i get jealous and feels as if my anak usrah is not as happening as that. Apabila orang boleh bagi taujihat kaw kaw, i get jealous and feel as if i give taujihat lemau segantang Apabila orang pakai baju jubah lawa, or blouse labuh labuh lawa, I get jealous, blame myself why im a plus size and feels as if i myself is wreckless in style Apabila ada orang memang boleh in dengan segenap jenis manusia, i get jealous and think that i dont know how to mingle with others and as if i cannot be a whole rounded muslim Apabila orang selalu on a vacation with their family, i get jealous and ponders back at my own family, where we rarely get to gather due to us studying abroad Apabila ada kawan yang sudah pun kahwin, bakal atau sudah pun menimang cahaya mata, i get jealous of them finding their perfect match and about

*blowing the dirt off the dusty blog* Hari ini, tarikhnya cantik. 1 Muharram 1435. Hijrah. Since I reached Alexandria a few weeks ago, its been extraordinarily quiet. Which some of the big reasons was because some of the people who I love fillah, decided to return back to malaysia. To be brief for those who don't understand, because of the recent riots happening in Egypt,since its the second wave, people have been worried ever since, thus, the ministry of education decided to give alternatives to students in egypt, to study elsewhere. And they chose malaysia. I came in 2011, knowing nothing about Egypt let alone Alexandria, and only letting Allah plan my way. Kemudian, 7 Zulhijjah dipertemukan dalam usrah yang pertama di beyt ulfah, dengan mereka. Mereka yang banyak mengajar erti kehidupan, persahabatan, percintaan. Bermurobbikan dia yang memahamkan kembali tentang tarbiyyah dan dakwah ini. Setahun bersama mereka, suka dan duka, gembira dan terluka, semua ada, y