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light upon light in Ramadan.

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  It was not long before we were told that Raya was going to be a day earlier than planned and it was only 29 days of Ramadan. Many were devastated as it shows that lesser time to spend with the Holy Month, some because it meant the preparation of Raya needs to be hasten.  Thus what we need now is not to decide which sadness are we, but to keep on boosting the spirit of Ramadan, most important, the 10th last nigth which meant, the night of Lailatul Qadr.  I am super super excited but I know that my spirits are being a little burn out. I am starting to have that symptoms of lack of sleep, exhausted during the day, dehydrated, taking a while to read the Quran. My duaas are jumbled i do not know which to priotize, what if i ask the wrong thing, what if i dont ask the most thing that i need and want.  And i know, this cannot be it, the virtues of Ramadan are so so much but i am just slowing down. This cannot happen (i scream my lungs out as I freak my way out) I t...
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Halfway through Ramadan 1444

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 Assalamualaikum people,  How is everybody doing?  How does it feel to reach the middle of Ramadan?  For me, this Ramadan has indeed been personal for me.  It has indeed made me fall in love again.  In love with the One who deserves to be Loved and who has been Loving us all, all these while,  He is Alwadud. Now as context, its approaching my second year pacing myself in Borneo. And it has come to me that the time has been indeed fast, like the winds in the winter weather breezing pass by and the coolness of the weather has been embracing me till I can feel it in my bones.  Now I look back in my dusty blog, posts that I keep on the shelves as drafts are piling up. I just do not have that muse or that pushing factor to write. I just do not feel like I want and need to write again.  No one reads it anyway, no one bothers anyway. And then again my heart whispers, are you writing for the sake of humans? Are you wanting acknowledgment from humans ...
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Digging the real jewellery

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 Hello there,  Today marks a new starting point for me especially since I am currently pressing my hands on a  keypad of my very own laptop *squeals with excitement* I have been so long dreaming and longing for this day to come, the day where I can breathe in a new atmosphere where  I can own a laptop again, since my very loyal white MacBook in 2009 has been serving me but it has met into halts somehow during 2017, and I have been alone since then. Thus now I have a very dear belonging that I hope serves me well as well as my previous laptop, so welcome to my very new MacBook Air :)  Currently I am certainly in cloud nine and my fingers are happily dancing on their own.  Dear God, May I use this new belonging well and for the sake of you.  04122022           
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Morning stroll

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Its just moments till Ramadan. Blinking away and then the next thing you know it its already the fasting month.  Today I decided to take a morning stroll and I was mesmerized by the sunshine showering its spread of ray on Akinabalu and its surrounding. Along the way I was listening to Ed Sheeran’s latest duet with Taylor Swift, The Joker and the queen. I was swooned with the song and the part where they sang,  I know, you think that what makes a king is gold,  A palace and diamond rings.  It struck me, I always knew things like diamonds or golds has always grabbed people’s attention, usually because our eyes are drawn to those glittery and shimmery jewels besides the value of them which is indeed high. People would do anything just to own gold, or to live in a palace and wear expensive jewelleries, but the big question mark is, is it the ultimatum of happiness?  Because know that these are things that does not last, unlike our personalities and our hearts, a gol...
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220222

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 Today.  Marks a day that I am still given the opportunity to live. To still tell tales, and to make my own self changes.  Yesterday I was looking up on the butterfly effect, and Ashton kutcher played so well as Evan treborn, who kept trying to return back to his past life to change what he thinks could result in something better, but everytime he tried to change an event, he would end up hurting each one of the people that existed in his life that he loved. Until a scene was between his father where his father said, we are not God, we can't fix things.  Which is true, no matter how hard we try to do something, that particular action would turn into a something either it will do good to us or others.  So, what can we do?  Thats where it comes, fikir dulu sebelum cakap or istikharah and ask god, seek from him hidayah in our actions, because we humans were born with full blown limitations, but God did not create us hanging, he gave us brains to think, a body ...
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hartal doktor kontrak 1.0

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Hi, I am contract medical officer, with no guarantee of a permanent post. Hence hashtag hartaldoktorkontrak comes in. On this day, I was at home due to home quarantine,  i am not sure if i wasn't quarantined, would I be among those marching out from wokrplace? In my area as I work in a health clinic in district area, those in contract post are minorities,  so I know i'll be working,  BUT, I know I support my colleagues doing the strike because we do have the rights,  we have been fighting behind the curtains for so long,  and once this opportunity is given, we go for it, I am certain I am not someone with a very aggressive who speaks out loud eventhough its to say the truth,  i am quite of a hesitant, i am quite of indecisive person, I am not a spirit fighter,  I am not saying that I am not scared of the future,  but I know when I have the rights, I will fight for that,  and I know to put on a proper fight, we need to be prepared, with a gaun...
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Torn apart, blown away by the storm

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 Salam to all,  Lets start of with a quote,  “Your best friend is the one who: seeing him reminds you of Allah, speaking to him increases your knowledge, and his actions remind you of the hereafter.” (Al-Muhasibi) I have some inner and outer crisis going on now. Have you ever felt you loved someone and yet you are showing it badly and the loved ones are going in the opposite direction ?  Thats exactly how I feel now. I feel terrible today. I realise that I have weird ways to show how I love and care for people, and sometimes I just give all the wrong signs,because my words say something my heart disagree. I am dishonest with myself. The thing is, I have this circle of girls that I love and have cherished since our housemanship era. They have been with me through thick and thin, and they are RAW. I have not mixed with much people since college, my surrounding has always been those yang saling menasihati or saling membaiki, and somehow sometimes i just feel its too goo...
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