Malam ke dua puluh enam, ramadan 1441

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Its midnight. And my eyes aren’t yet droopy. Probably because today is my off day thus i had plenty of time to rest. But im tired of myself. Tired upon realising how laid back i am this ramadan, and by the time i come to my senses, ramadan dah nak habis. I still remember i came across one poster my best friend shared about not to make this ramadan a hunger strike, only not eating and drinking. But not enough additional good deeds done 🙇🏻‍♀️. I must say this Ramadan is unique as its mco(movement control order). We have currently gone through restriction of movement due to a spread of a novel virus, coronavirus or now known as covid 19. Its pandemic and spreads globally to fast that the whole world had to go under certain quarantine to reduce spread. So all mass gatherings had to be withheld, kenduri, meetings, out and about to restaurants, malls etc was restricted. Including all religious gatherings. Thus ending up in a very quiet ramadan. Sudah lama tak tengok people berkerumujnfor solat jumaat, apatah lagi for tarawih. Tarawih at home alongside with family members. Previous moments of course, only the zouq/feeling is quite spared. Being in rumah Allah , and being in a jemaah, somehow gives you a totally different bond connection and strength. So the bond is limited to your household only.
Thus now, as i am reflecting what i have achieved so far in ramadan, i cant be proud, but there is still room for improvement and repentance.

I am not going to be a living zombie. I want to revive back as a pro active muslim.

Please pray that i do not lose to myself in this hunger game, i need to win over myself.

Keep that in mind aqeelah.

So long, allahumma innaka afuw tuhibbu afwa fa fuanni.

1220| 19/5/2020

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