amalgamation of thoughts

Aku masuk lift seusai kelas alquran. Dari tingkat atas, lift terbuka, dan dalamnya dah ada seorang aunty. Slowly, i paced in. The lift slowly moved downwards, with an utter silence. Since it was a little squashy, i didnt know where else to look melainkan to the lady. Dia terkumat kamit, Zikir barangkali. Aku tunduk, turut mahu menuturkan zikir from the back of my head. Inwas searching and searching until the lif reached ground floor. Kami berdua keluar. I wanted to ask her, but i had no guts. Dia dah berlalu sedikit jauh, when suddenly, i cried out, Law samaht, enti bit ul eh ?  (Excuse me maam, what were you saying back then) A bit startled but managed to put on a smile, she replied, Zikr. I asked again, Zikr eh? (Zikir apa) Ayyi haggah, subhanallah wa binhamdihi, SubhanAllahil 'azim, astaghfirullahil 'azim zay keddah. (Apa sahaja ~) I then carved a huge smile in reply, Shukran! 'Afwan was the answer. :...

Expectation is the root of all heartache  william shakespeare

I was queuing up at the payment counter to pay the groceries I was buying in Fathalla Supermarket. In front of me, was a lady with two small boys, around the age of 8-10 years old.  The cashier was deducting things from her which caught my attention. He took away, some yoghurts and recalculated the bill.It now showed 34 LE. The women opened the crumpled money in her hand, there was a 10 and 20 LE only.  She slowly, took out from her cart, a packet of macaroni and the cashier recalculated again. This time, the amount reduced to 31 LE, but the cashier guy, with full understanding, told her to just pay and come again with the money.  I couldnt stand to see such thing going on in front of me, it nearly sent me to tears, and then someone appeared suddenly, paying the ever so valuable 1 LE. The cashier didnt want to accept it saying that the woman would return again. But she insisted. And she left without saying a thing. It left me thinking. About both, the lady, the cashier an...

Tidak ku sangka, bara yang kononnya ku rasakan bara cinta, Hanyalah tiupan dan siulan si syaitan durjana. Hina dan kerdilkah aku, Untuk dikau perkotak katikkan sebegitu sekali. Malu tahu! Betullah, kata firman Dia,  Dalam rongga kita, tak mungkin ada dua hati, Kerna mana mungkin ada yang selain Allah dalam hati, Jangan kau tipu diri kau sendiri wahai manusia! Dikau berjaket kulit,  Gelap manis,  Senyuman tak lekang dari bibir, Bicaranya sentiasa atur, Wibawa dalam setiap langkah, Astaghfirullah, Wahai ukhti, Tunduklah! peliharalah pandangan mu,  agar hatimu terhijab dari panahan syaitan. Memandang itu salah, Di pandang juga salah. Hati yang terus menerawang, Akan kekal dalam jiwa yang kacau. Kata si adik, Sekejap sahaja, Mainan syaitan belaka. Tahan sekejap ya ukhti! Akan ada yang memegang tangan mu kelak, bagi menjunjung agama Allah ini bersama mu, dan akan pimpinmu bersama si khalifah cilik yang di kau bakal lahirkan.  Kalau bukan di syurga dunia, nun sana, di...

Lately, I have been feeling weary. As if a dementor has sucked the soul out of me. Thus, I'm as if a walking corpse. hey, has life been that bad?! fast forward rewind. what has been happening for the past few months?

It was a calm day today, with not that much of a hassle. I went out with one of a mutarabbi, to a dermatologist. She was doing some treatment and she went there for follow up. We were talking, simply about everything, we call them qadhaya(problems) or curhat(curah isi hati). She recently complained many times of being stressful, to the extent that it gave her headache, stomach ache and even affected her immune system and caused her to have red patches here and there, which we call, lebam. But i was taken aback, since i didnt know that 'stress' could affect someone dearly,  until i met her. well anyway, the small getaway got me to know here a little into depth here and there. And start me thinking of giving her the amount of burden or load in order for her to not feel pressured, but at the same time, enjoy her moments in this road of dakwah and tarbiyah. We then departed, at sidi gaber station, and thats where the emotions entangled me slowly. i was passing by a group of...