Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Peluang berkali-kali meski terus menjadi Sang pendosa.

I feel doomed, not because the world has been unfair, nor because its been in misery. Though the chaos of paris attack, and the on going palestine attack indeed moved emotions, how could we not pray for them our siblings bonded by aqidah.

Well, as the saying goes, jihad yang paling besar, is jihad melawan hawa nafsu. And again and again I keep repeating these silly mistakes.

There was once, i decided to sleep over at a junior's apartment, and being the friendly daie, i decided to talk to them and bermuayashah as we say with them, till beyond midnight. Thus it lead us all waking up very late, sipi-sipi nak masuk subuh and to add it on, the junior woke me up for fajr prayer instead of supposedly being that daie i was holding, i was the one who should have stirred the rest >.< 

In another situation, i was the laid back senior, being among the elders in the batch, i chilled most of the time. And recently, i have been continuously and repeatedly turning up for classes VERY late or even SKIP them, and there was a time, i reached class, late again, and maintained a smiling face and wearing the attire for my jemaah >.<
 
So what do you guys simulate in these two conditions?

Qudwah.

There is NO qudwah at all right?

Now, how did i manage to say this bluntly?

Simply because, i was told off by some sisters that i adore because of Him. It was an aduan as i must say, from a sister, to tell me the message that, i should be of a more example, then making people keep seeing the bad side. It if didnt involve many, maybe it wouldn hurt, but i represent my jemaah, i represent para daie, i represent a muslim!

Ada ke seorang muslim, bangun subuh gajah or bangun lambat tanpa berusaha utk bangun awal?!

Ad ake seorang muslim, sentiasa ke kelas lambat meski ciri-ciri memounyai peribadi yang unggul adalah menepatu waktu?!

And to be honest, i am frustrated with myself. So much!

And i have been an alive zombie, regretting and sad, until a verse lifted my inner strength and gave peace.

Dan kalau Kami kehendaki nescaya Kami tinggikan pangkatnya Dengan (sebab mengamalkan) ayat-ayat itu. tetapi ia bermati-mati cenderung kepada dunia dan menurut hawa nafsunya; maka bandingannya adalah seperti anjing, jika Engkau menghalaunya: ia menghulurkan lidahnya termengah-mengah, dan jika Engkau membiarkannya: ia juga menghulurkan lidahnya termengah-mengah. Demikianlah bandingan orang-orang Yang mendustakan ayat-ayat kami. maka ceritakanlah kisah-kisah itu supaya mereka berfikir.

Al - A'araaf : 176


Ayat sekiranya Kami kehendaki, terpempan luas, membuktikan Allah, bagi PELUANG, utk setiap manusia mencari identiti diri. Dan yang sentiasa CENDERUNG kepada dunia dan hawa nafsu. Merupakan kita yang terus dan terus, jatuh ke lembah, futur, ke lembah jahiliah. Tak malukah kita sehinggakan Allah guna pula perumpamaan anjing, utk menekankan lagi, bila mana, hidayah Allah itu mengetuk jendela hati, lalu kita berpaling buat tak endah ataupun , bangah dengan seribu alasan, kita seperti anjing yang terjelir-jelir lidahnya, kita acah ke tak, tetap dalam kondisi terjelir lidah.

So there is more time indeed for me to recorrect myself, i need to, i want to, and i long for support. Hold my hands Ya Rabb, and guide me to Your Path,

Give me another chance to be that Qudwah.

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