Thursday, November 3, 2011

| uncertainties


In the name of the most gracious the most merciful.
My heart is flipping and doing somersaults,I dont feel calm.
My heart aches and tears seem to be running down my cheeks easily,
I cant seem to be solving the jigsaw puzzles in my life.

I used to be the girl who was all bubbly and smiling here and there,
i think I still do it, but I dont feel the sincerity nowadays.

My friends seem to be happy and I m glad for them.

But sadly,I dont feel the happiness.

Ya Rabb,
You gave me everything and yet I can't seem to be grateful enough.
Please forgive me.

My days here are becoming messier and messier,I wake up so late and take my bath.Then,if I'm lucky enough I get to go to class with the girls.

i still cant blend in,Im trying,I am,please dont look down on me,Im trying.

And if I'm not,i'll go to class all alone,from the asrama,I'll walk all the way to mahattah raml(train station raml),and hop on to stop at mahattah gama'ah,and again i'll walk again to muassah(our current universiti).
And the journey is uber far!

and when you are alone,the journey becomes even more further.

and when I come back home,I'll be restless and do stuff that usually leads me in doing unnecessary things,i used to say to a besties of mine,
"maybe you should reduce in making excuses and make a move"

and right now,Im doing it.

so right after school,i return home or go and visit friends and end up the night at theirs.but the routine is the same,and my ruhiyy feels tired.

I feel like im stranded on an island , and right now,it raining heavily.How I wish, I could run to that someone,embrace that person and cry my heart out.

and I would love to do that with my Creator.

2 comments:

zira mustapa said...

be strong qeelah..happen to everybody.

NorAthina said...

kiki..

rindunya kat kiki:(

Perasan kan, tarbiyyah di medan sekarang rasa sangat lain.. Rasa banyak keliru, letih dan kecewa dengan diri sendiri. (bagi kte).

Because I can't perform my best. Sometimes failed to feel the complete sincerity, banyak lost.

Then ditambah dengan kesibukan yang sangat..

Ingatlah bahawa Allah akan menguji kita dengan berfasa-fasa.. Supaya kita settle satu persatu kelemahan diri kita, kerana diri kita ni jauh sangat daripada kesempurnaan.

Kesempurnaan iman, sempurna takwa kepadaNya, amalan, keikhlasan..

Sedangkan kita sangat mengharap redha Allah, namun apa yang kita beri padaNya mungkin tak cukup disebabkan banyak cacat celanya diri kita.

Ujian itu tanda perhatian Allah Kiki:) InsyaAllah, kuatkan hati. hati yang melalui susahnya tarbiyyah itu tentunya lebih kuat dan istimewa kan:):)