I was been told as a person who lives on a lie and there is lie on top of it and there is another lie above it,simply said,fake.
but thanks to this fellow of mine, because from that day onwards,i always question my acts,i'm no fake,but people don't see me as genuine,sadly said.
up until now the fact still haunts me and everything that happened today,bugged me thoroughly.
yes,I know that I'm glad to see you come back,smiling and happy with what you are currently,but what you said and what i reacted was horrifying.it was a conversation about you saying that you didn't attend the daurah because it was disturbing your holidays and the fact that the sharings can still be given back at your university.
hey,pergi programme bukan routine atau 'kalau ada masa aku pergi' thingy!
its about devoting yourself to this road!
me:i met her at bangi a few weeks ago,is she at your place?
x :oh yes,she's at my place.wait,was it bangi or serdang?i was suppose to go there too,but still,since the sharing was done by my uni-mates,i decided not to since i can still get some sharings back at my uni.besides,they are disturbing my holidays.
me :ohh,em thats good,you are surely determined in whatever you're deciding.
what on earth is happening?!
i just agreed to some creature that its okay not to attend sharings in programmes or daurah!
i just said what sounded like it was good to put behind the road to paradise and prioritize your family and spend time to go here and there doing something else instead of joining programmes instead.
we really have different things going in our heads.
i feel like a backstabbed Allah and not at all putting up for myself as a muharikah.
i could've said,something way better than saying good,
or keep perfectly quiet about it.
i feel like a loser and i feel like i don't belong to you guys anymore.i can't stand the pressure of the coming exam where i still don't know how to maneuver my way to just pass through a little bit more of Alevels,i still don't know how to manage my time,and i still have problems with my sleeping addiction.
dear you,thanks for making everything a blast.it was nice since i spent it with you.every minutes were meaningful and trust me you are so adorable.the affection was way cooler than i expected and if i was allowed i would do it to you everyday.i hope you won't know how i exactly feel to you because you would cringe every moment i am with you.it wasn't suppose to turn out this way,but its sincerely coming from the heart that sometimes its throbbing me.i never pour anything as much as that to you and i thank you for trusting me too,the fact that you pour them to me too.
seeing your face tremble or in dismay,makes me sad and seeing you smile makes my day.I shouldn't say more but i would like to walk with you on the roads to Jannah.
yes,i love you since you love Allah too!