Skip to main content

commotions of the heart


I know I should be happy of you,you're great at everything,but the weird thing is,deep down inside,i don't feel that excitement.Maybe you could see the insincerity if you look deeply inside me,but then again everyone is happy of you.So why shouldn't I?

The feeling creeps in every inch of my body and it bothers me.I'm a person with an infinite perception,and I know its bad to give bad perceptions,su'uzhon,but I merely do it without realising it.I'm sorry again.Iknow you deserve it and Allah has planned this for you,so congratulations anyway.

But it doesnt make my day anyway :(.I don't feel miserable but I feel terrible as a daughter.I've never been a good daughter since I was small until now.The aqeelah you see now is full changes since you've all just known me temporarily.Now I know the reason why my siblings dislike my personality is because of my evergreen 'bossy'ness and my furious temper!They've known me since small and you don't.I think I've changed but I haven't.

I'm aware of the shaytan bothering me from the front,from the back,from left and from right,but sometimes I never even put in effort to shield myself from it.Astaghfirullah.And to say I fall for shaytan's whispers?No way!

So,here I am,trying to clarify my feelings,and I realise,I never open up my true self to people,there's too much things going on throughout my presence on earth for the past two decades.How I lead my life before tarbiyyah will always be in the hands of Allah,insyaAllah.He knows every teeny weeny bit.

So I guess I need to move on,this da'wah path is not as simple as mentioning it,you have to do it.And you have to be aware,sometimes people around you don't understand you,so you only have Allah with you,and He will definitely stay with you.

O Allah,the Kind one,please stay by my side be it I stay strong as al adiyat or as weak as the weeds draping out of the pot.With You,there is peace.

Comments

Anonymous said…
qeelah..how i miss u.
banyak2 kan bersabar.
dan moga Allah beri petunjuk dan bawa mu ke jalan yg diredhai..-suzi-

Popular posts from this blog

down the memory lane[part 2]

I was helping my mum scanning her photos during her years in the US ,when I bumped into this photo of a friend of mine that I truly adore.
sharifah aiman al jafri syed ihsanoh yeah she's the one wearing the red scarf.sweet isn't she!!from left:aiman,irfan(her sis),maryam,me,aishah she's my age and we were together during primary school at SK Sura.Boy was that a long time ago and to think I'm about to start my uni years!!!She's now in England and after like more than half a decade not contacting her,we started contacting each other via email.I can't afford losing her again.The value of a friendship is indeed priceless!!

Berita besar

Di saat seorang ukhti datang dengan berita bakal melangsungkan bahtera perkahwinan, Tentunya hatinya diselebungi bahagia, gembira, ketenangan dan redha dengan aturan Allah,
Di saat yang sama, seorang ukhti lain datang dengan berita, bahtera perkahwinan tertangguh, si jejaka mengundur diri, katanya ingin mengalih fokus dari fikir tentang jodoh. Tentunya hatinya diselubungi hiba, kusut dan sedih dan paling penting, juga akur dengan caturan Allah.
Allahu T-T
Dua berita besar,  Berbeza watak, Berbeza perasaan.
Yg sama adalah,  Berpaksikan Allah.
Indahkan menjadi muslim yang sebenar-benarnya!

caca merba tulisan si penulis

I always act impulsively, be it planned or unplanned. Like when I'm writing this very moment, is unplanned business, I simply write what I feel, with a little bit of add ons and thus, my writings are ready to be publicized. macam masak mee segera je, campak-campak dan cepat masak. Its not that its wrong, only when its finished, its all over the place. cacamerba gitu.

I want it to be properly arranged, nicely put in words, explanations and analogies so that what is presented, is beneficial to everyone, especially to me who reads back my own writings.

emotions are to be publicized accordingly and kept accordingly.

May Allah preserve our writings, and we only write which is AlHaq.