amalgamation of thoughts

  It was not long before we were told that Raya was going to be a day earlier than planned and it was only 29 days of Ramadan. Many were devastated as it shows that lesser time to spend with the Holy Month, some because it meant the preparation of Raya needs to be hasten.  Thus what we need now is not to decide which sadness are we, but to keep on boosting the spirit of Ramadan, most important, the 10th last nigth which meant, the night of Lailatul Qadr.  I am super super excited but I know that my spirits are being a little burn out. I am starting to have that symptoms of lack of sleep, exhausted during the day, dehydrated, taking a while to read the Quran. My duaas are jumbled i do not know which to priotize, what if i ask the wrong thing, what if i dont ask the most thing that i need and want.  And i know, this cannot be it, the virtues of Ramadan are so so much but i am just slowing down. This cannot happen (i scream my lungs out as I freak my way out) I try to not hypervent

 Assalamualaikum people,  How is everybody doing?  How does it feel to reach the middle of Ramadan?  For me, this Ramadan has indeed been personal for me.  It has indeed made me fall in love again.  In love with the One who deserves to be Loved and who has been Loving us all, all these while,  He is Alwadud. Now as context, its approaching my second year pacing myself in Borneo. And it has come to me that the time has been indeed fast, like the winds in the winter weather breezing pass by and the coolness of the weather has been embracing me till I can feel it in my bones.  Now I look back in my dusty blog, posts that I keep on the shelves as drafts are piling up. I just do not have that muse or that pushing factor to write. I just do not feel like I want and need to write again.  No one reads it anyway, no one bothers anyway. And then again my heart whispers, are you writing for the sake of humans? Are you wanting acknowledgment from humans respond? And that very instant it felt like