amalgamation of thoughts

Ukhti, When you told me, you were going to leave, a few months back, I was cool. and when you told me again a few hours back, I was not cool. Please don't leave, ukht. I am missing you, and will miss you. I think I'm not able to bare any losses again, yet. I learnt from you,  to cook dengan hanya campak-campak sahaja,  to clean the sink right after cooking,  to keep the room clean and tidy,  to love mom and dad as they are,  to study thoroughly no matter what, and to wake up in the early morning for tahajjud. You surely taught me a lot. ;'(

Ini aku suatu ketika dahulu, sewaktu jiwa masih ampuh, masih tiada hala tuju, menjadi sang robot,  dengan menyangka hidup ini untuk hidup sahaja, aku jahil, aku tidak tahu menahu tentang pembinaan individu muslimun itu. dan ini aku sekarang, berbekalkan jiwa yang semakin stabil, cuba berdiri walaupun kadangkala rebah, tersungkur sujud kebumi, tapi aku sudah bukan sang robot, aku sudah keluar dari belenggu kejahilan, kini aku sedar betapa penting pembinaan manusiawi itu, aku cuba berdiri gah,  sebagai hamba Allah, sebagai abid Allah, sebagai seorang individu muslim. #memoriKTT #awaltarbiyyah

Dear little one,  Quench the thirst as much as you can, as long as you can,  Just now, You were still drinking milk from mummy, And now, You are using your own tiny limbs, just to grab a drink of water. #nadineimanirauhillah #reflectingmychildhood

Hati terasa begitu kosong, hidup terasa seperti zombie, itulah perasaanya semalam. Sambil menghela nafas panjang, lantas meng'whatsapp' adik, 'akak dah tunggu awak dibawah' 'okay' balasnya sepatah lantas adik itu pun turun, dan kami terus bergandingan ke pantai. Sambil-sambil bertukar-tukar khabar sebab dah lama tak bersua, alasannya, masing-masing menghadapai musim peperiksaan, akhirnya, sudah nampak kelibat pantainya, indah subhanaAllah. Terus kami menuju ke arah nafak(terowong) dan menyeberangi jalan dengan melalui nafak tersebut sehingga kami betul-betul bertentangan dengan laut dan angin menampar-nampar muka kami. Lantas dari perbualan rancak, terus terdiam, tenang melihatkan alam. Ruh segera menyahut seruan alam, tamparan angin, pukulan ombat di lautan dan manusiawi lalu lalang, mencukupkan segalanya pada hari itu, 'kita nak duduk mana dik' 'tak kisah kak' Lalu kami menyelusuri tempat pejalan kaki sambil disambut deruan angi...

To me, arab was such a hard language to conquer. I could not, and did not know how to motivate myself to even get involved by this language itself. At that time, I just couldn't bring together arab language, and the language used in the al quran were just the same! Until I reached here, in Egypt. I was so excited to the fact that after this, I might not need to use the translation upon listening to an ayat recited. Yeay! So once I reached here, and settled down and realised one thing. why on earth are these arabs talking a mixed language? instead of ana azhabu ilal madrasah they were saying ana bitruh ilal madrasah (the sentence above bothe means i want to go to school) so it was bitruh, not azhabu then ana uridu bikilo thaum wa jazar they would say ana aizah tum wa gazar bikilo (the sentence above means i want to have a kilo of garlic and carrots. so now, it was aizah instead of uridu, tum istead of thaum, gazar instead of gazar....

sometimes, I write for the sake of writing, and sometimes, I tend usrah for the sake of usrah. Keep holding on.

sampai bila, kita nak jadi, seperti pahat dan penukul, sekali diketuk, baru tembus, apabila mendengarkan peringatan, baru terhegeh-hegeh nak beringat, apabila membacakan status da'wi, baru sibuk-sibuk nak;  like,  share, buat status baru juga, apabila melihatkan orang meluru berbuat kebaikan, baru terburu-buru nak buat amal ibadah melangut juga, apabila orang score dalam exam, baru nak buat jadual belajar, apabila orang tutup aurat dulu, baru tersedar nak ikut syariat juga, apabila keluar sana sini demi tuntutan da'wi, baru kita terkocoh-kocoh menyahut seruan syahadatul haq itu, sampai bila? sampai bila, ada orang buat, baru nak buat juga, sampai bila? sampai bila, orang memberi kekuatan, baru nak rasa diperkuatkan, sampai bila? sampai bila, nak jadi, seperti pahat dan penukul, sampai bila? sampai orang LAIN dahulu yang temui syahid ke? T-T p/s its 25th of nov, a month to go for the new year to come p/s/s upon reaching the ag...