I'm nervous,exams are the most upcoming events above all,so all eyes on the book people!The moment I need some hugs and comforts,I receive an email from ummi,tears start running down,going out of that lacrimal duct of Allah's.
Jazakillah ummi,for reminding me that Allah is always there for us,
Rabbuna Yusahhil mummy for the viva and house chores,
And when my servants ask you concerning Me,then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me,so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way
We can never judge people because each person that stops by in our life, will give a lesson no matter how.For the past two days with the most innocent people i've ever been with,reminds me back the memories I use to have with my adik-adik,Fatin,Iqa,Lily,Ainin,hanan,haz,along and yaya and not to miss out the beloved Adie and Fiqah who are now safely with their bulatan gembira in respective countries,Czech republic and Indonesia.
After being on hiatus several months,adapting with Egypt itself,the surroundings,new environement,new people and basically getting to know with the people around me,wasn't like eating nasi ayam back at home.I had to face,phases of tearful nights,depression,lonliness, which was a norm for the first few months,and sometimes it still is if I drift in my lala land,but alhamdulillah thum alhamdulillah thum alhamdulillah,my spirits were lifted because I officially joined usrah with akhawats the same age as me,and were also first years.Subhanallah,Allah's plan are beyond the plans of human themselves.i am so deeply in love with my own circle of love,Afifah,Zakiyya,Diyanah,Atiqah.
When we sit together,duduk beriman sejenak and share the words from our Creator,a different feeling arise,its like being immense in the poor world by remembering Allah gaining spirits.It gave me strength to start everything from scratch yet the same old anxiety and nervousness came back.But in the name of Allah the Most Gracious i begin my seek.
The mad'u hunting.
Will the adik-adik reject me? How will I create tsiqoh with them? What to cook,forgodsake?! And questions after questions keep playing in my head.
But with tawakkal to allah and a little pushing factor inside,Alhamdulillah, i went for it.No one said being in jalan dakwah is easy as strolling in the park to get the beautiful sunset view.I faced hardships and ran out of ideas whenever in front of them,but slowly,pacing the footsteps,it taught me a lot.
Not everyone knows the sweetness of Ad-Deen,and to those out there who feels it,lets work hand in hand to spread the same feeling to others.And like I always mention,because I really want it,to meet everyone I know and brothers and sisters of Islam,in the garden of Delights,one fine day.
Now stepping on reality,we have a very big exam coming just around the corner,so I feel lost for these past two days,I mean hesitating here and there,wanting to pause from dakwah work to focus on study.But alas,how can I be so selfish,how can I think of my own self when the society nowadays are very severe.As a da'ie,I shoudln't have that fikrah.Instead of running away,I have to blend in the dunya,not pause.I must say,that its not easy,but I can do my dakwah despite anything coming in the way regarding dunya,with the condition that I'm able to manage time,I dont procastinate and above all,I must always return back to Him.
Plead from Him,
Seek from Him,
Depend on Him.
Those who believe and whose hearts are set at rest by the remembrance of Allah ; now surely by Allah's remembrance are the hearts set at rest
So,did I mention my adik-adik are so innocent.Ah yes,I guess I've said it several times,but they truly are! They love to cook,and I think they feed me much better than I should feed them,they always skype with their parents,the love their families so much,they dont have boyfriends and have never had any,they talk,giggle,study,complaint about sleeping in class sometimes,solat jemaah and they even eat in dulangs.Comel kan?
They are those adik-adik that when they are given understandings and explanations of the purpose of life,tuning their mindsets here and there,and in no minutes time,they would be like flowers blooming in Spring.
And I,would always pray that they become the flowers of the Deen,InshaAllah.
a medicine to this lonely heart,
as the words from the Creator consoles the pain inside,
as it is an indescribable feeling,
the urge to not stay back from this dakwah,
as not to be a selfish person,
and continuously holding hands with many,
to enter His Jannah together,
by spreading the words of Islam,
and to keep walking on this road even though the pace is slow,
and to keep standing up each time falling,
to keep reminding the Lord is the Greatest compared to us,
and the reason to continuously shed the tears because of Him.
Buat ukhti sekalian,saya sungguh rindu kalian,gelak tawa kalian,bermesyuarat tentang adik-adik,berjaulah bersama-sama,bergaduh kadang kala dan bercinta kerana dia, ayuh terus terusan mengejar cintaNya, dan menjadi benteng pertahanan Islam!
Buat Athina,jazakillah sangat sangat, sesungguhnya,walaupun berjauhan namun tetap merasa kemanisan kurma itu kan?
"Walaupun kita berjauhan, dipisahkan oleh jarak dan masa, tidak bertentang wajah dan mata, namun kita tetap berbuka dengan kurma yang sama."
taken from angelwearsgucci.blogspot.com
I have nothing to say than I'm sorry,it is now awkward,weird and monotonous each time words are said.i prefer being drop dead silence than bursting into tears each time talking.
Its not the matter of not being happy for you only, its the matter of losing some part of me,some part that use to be happy to have you to lean on or to talk to or even to snuggle with.
To wake me up for Subuh and to pray jemaah,wasnt that cool each time,with that mesmerizing voice of yours reciting the words from Allah,subhanaAllah.Reminding one another when one was diverging from His road.To console me with optimistic advices and positive enhancement,and to just smother me with that special ukhuwwah we had.
Only as time passes by,I just realised that you are better without me.
apologies given vividly,I'm sorry again ukhti,ma'alesh.
I need a break.detachment from the cruel world.no,no,no the world itself isnt cruel.indeed not!it is,then again Allah's creation.
I just need a break from the revolution and evolution of the world itself.Away from the people full of masks and false.Away from the ongoing technology.Immensing in the dunya might then again make me drown in misery,please Lord,take me with you.
and alhamdulillah in this dunya,people are still changing and turning into new leaves,making hijrah,from the worst to the best,i read blogs,statuses of my friends,and also jumping from blogs to blogs of a whole bunch of unknown people,even though we dont know each other,but the bond of aqidah running in our veins make the ukhuwwah stronger,yes it does! Knowing that everyone is believing and in love with the words from Him,our Creator.
and the best part is,when we get to see Him in the Garden of Delights ,we all cry of happiness mashaAllah,its an honor indeed to meet Him.
He is Allah,the Creator,the Shaper out of nothing,the fashioner.His are the most beautiful names.All that is in the heavens and in the earth gives Him glory,and He is the Mighty,the Wise.
let it be me against the world.
what a nice feeling to be in love with Allah.No pain,no disappointment,no worries.Just blessings,mercy and peace.
I opened facebook and happened to see my little brother online,which was a total surprise.And so I decided to chat.
He was in Kelantan,and he was ranting about slow internet,cats running away from him and stuff,so I told him to help nenek in the kitchen,and innocently he answered,nenek doesnt want his help and atuk was always in front of the television,and he added, all he could do was sleep for 48 hours,
ahmad ahmad,*shaking head*
I then mentioned about food,I asked whether the food nenek cooked was delicious and he couldnt deny it,I mean, who could ever win over my nenek right?
and before we ended the whole chitchat,I told him to be patient since he sometime become outrageous when he wants everything to go his way,
he's such a darling actually,he loves his family dearly and could cry over small things if it came to family matters,he could be an incredible hulk when his moodiness gets in the way, but once he's adorable,no one would have the heart to scold him.
'Orang yang melakukan dosa di dunia, dia tidak akan dapat ketenteraman dan ketenangan.Meskipun lahiriah nampak senang, mampu makan apa sahaja makanan yang diingini,mampu tinggal di mana sahaja yang dikehendaki, namun selama dia belum sampai kepada keyakinan dan petunjuk maka hatinya akan sentiasa gelisah, bingung, ragu dan masih ragu, ini ialah kehidupan yang sempit'
ifah sent a message just as i was about to start class,maryam got straight As for her UPSR! and she was crying happily back at home.
knowing maryam,she really deserves it.she loves school,she's so innocent and straightforward,she listens to peoples advices and she rarely opposes back.she is special in her way and the best part is,she never forgets people.She is a home person,so neat and tidy,and scolds them who leaves dirty trails near her bed!
she wakes up earlier than everyone,and she's not the shopping type,she will constantly recite the quran even though she's a manga fan,but it all adds up to perfectness,
on october 26th,una sent me a message through facebook,but silly me,i didnt seem to notice it until now,what have I been doing all these while?
today,una is going through a big examination,SPM!I know Ive already passed the examination two years ago,but with parent still in mecca for hajj,big sisters at universities and all alone there in dungun,its saddening and depressing.
i still remembered how i cried tearfully with ummi through the phone when i saw parents after parents seeing their children,but mine never coming.so everytime i called ummi,i would cry till i couldnt speak,and ummi tried to calm me down but it failed,i was helpless and restless,until one day, a blue honda city came into the school compartment,abah came to see me, all the way from shah alam!
and i think una feels the same,but she's just okay,i think so.and to me,she is so tough,the toughest among us all i suppose!
I miss una,and the fact that people keep mistaking me with her,makes me feel more attached to this dearest sister of mine.
Examinations are a norm,we always go through 'exams' in our life,or we rather name it as 'tests',either to wake up early,to be a little more hardworking,to do more ibadah and etc,the difference is,now you are undergoing a big examination more to the dunya,SPM,its going to wrap up your school years,so enjoy the days while it last,dont just be with books,make sure to spend time with Allah,friends and most important,give yourself a break from time to time,
During the examinations,dont be nervous and act as cool,as cool as you have always been :),if you think you cant remember a term,or a formula,or a word,say zikr in your heart,and know that,we always forget stuffs,so we return back ourself to Allah since He remembers and knows every single thing.
And after the exams,dont go pondering the mistakes you think you had done and dont discuss them back,but its not wrong to chit chat about them,
most important,just dont be too hard to yourself,
you are genius and genuine and i put full trust on you,
shine your mercy like the sun, and be gracious as the earth
let your kindness come like rain that cares not whom it falls upon
and let ocean deep your wisdom be, your heart and lanterns spreading peace
give yourself in love of him, be like al-habib
and in your deepest needs and in your deepest grieve, call on him in humility
place your trust in the one, to whom creation turns
you'll find redemption and find peace
be a blazing fire of truth, be a soothing balm of peace with the light of your sincerity, break the clouds of tyranny let your faith be like a blessed tree, give your shade to all who seek may your roots run true and deep, take your strength from al-habib
and all the certainty will bring tranqulity, contentment with allah's decree give thanks for all that comes, be patient and know that someday you will return to him
hold fast to the company of the folk of certainty through the gaze and through your love for them, may you be as one of them be as gentle as the whispering breeze, spread solace to the world we're in let your heart and soul be mirror clear, give life and love to al-habib
and stand before allah like nothing else exists, and worship him like you are seen be with all creation and all your deeds and words as though you have no self to clean
for my akhawats,
yes I miss all of you,
yes I miss the moments we were together,remembering Him together and reminding ourselves because of Him,
yes I miss the time we laughed and cried together,the moment we fought because of misunderstandings,and how we always had trips outside,going out to see Allah's creation using our hearts,eyes, and ears.
for my dearest sisters in czech republic,
adilah,jawahir,maryam,nabila,amanina,azila and azira,
the biah there,its amazing,i've heard tonnes of stories there and I hope that all of you bring back something for us,be a superb da'ie and lets repent the world full of misery to a world full of happiness inshaAllah.
yes its true,we had rough moments once in a while,and when you love someone and you start feeling attached to one another,you easily get mad in the slightest movement one makes,I'm sorry and guilty in making you mad,and at the same time,Im just glad you are happy as can be,surrounded by wonderful sisters there,send my love to them dear.
for my dearest sisters in India,
to name some lyana,wanee,nad,miza,ilan,kown,athai,hazlin,reen,mimi,izzati,nadiah,harisah,mayang,ayuni and loads more ,
the land of maududi is adventurous,go explore the world and spread the words of Islam,part of me is still with the rest of you,since our sisters are mainly in india,but im trying to purify my niyah just for the sake of Him and to accept what has been stated for me,to learn to accept.
for lyana,yes I do remember our talk on your bed,I miss moments,spending my time with ukhti,but my dear,I guess you are going through a hard time too,and its easy to say,dont worry unless I put myself in your shoes,its not easy,but only we can make things easier by accepting everything happening around us with a sincere heart,I love you ukht.
for miza,thank you for loving and being loved,a big big big thank you and a big hug is all i want to give to you right now!
for my dearest sisters in Indonesia,
athina,afiqah and little hazirah,
may magical moments given by Allah for you there happens to soothes you,we are never alone,and dont forget to seek from Him,since he is the Giver and he is the Acceptor,so just ask for anything and Allah will grant happiness for you.
for athina I must say that yes,its been a rough start,but rough starts is like a must,especially on this road,and reading your comment really make my eyes start to water,yes,I feel useless and hopeless,I forgot that Allah was always beside me and my beloved sisters we always hand in hand to support each other,jazakillah ukht
for my dearest sisters in malaysia,
elis,lily,syamim,ida and the kakak2, to be precise kak ain abas,kak ain samad,kak maziah,kak arifah
we met because the sake of Allah and the bond gets stronger as the distance becomes longer,all those happy circles we made is carved in my heart waiting for its owner to start appreciating all that is happening around it.how grateful i was to even be known of tarbiah itself,alhmadulillah.
elis said,we want to be special in front of Allah's eyes,so we have to act extraordinarily,and the moment she said those beautiful words in front of me, my eyes started watering,I want to be special in front of Allah,I do, I do.
we all do.
so, dear sisters,be like al habib,to be special in front of Allah,follow the traces of our Rasulullah and inshaAllah , we will be loved deeply by our Creator.
I miss Rasulullah,and to be remembered by him is an honour, thank you so much dear Rasulullah.
yet when you master all of this, forget not your neediness
were it not for allah's grace, none of this can be achieved
so be humble as the lonely earth, that all creatures walk up on
be the slave of the most merciful, take your light from al habib
so shine your mercy like the sun, send your light across the earth
let your kindness flow like rivers, quench the thirst of all who come
and let mountain strong your spirit be, let your heart melt out of love for him
take the road that leads to him, may you be with al-habib
the fact that you just made my heart jolted scares me.your cool act adores me.walking in front of us like a guardian angel,glancing back once a while to check whether we are okay,passing through those creepy arab guys calmly,and concerned whether or not we know where we are heading.and lastly when we wanted to pay you back,you refused and asked us to pray du'a for you.
and there you go,you just melted my heart.
is everyone as frank as you or are you one in a million.
astaghfirullah...im scared of these preposterous feelings.indeed i am.
In the name of the most gracious the most merciful.
My heart is flipping and doing somersaults,I dont feel calm.
My heart aches and tears seem to be running down my cheeks easily,
I cant seem to be solving the jigsaw puzzles in my life.
I used to be the girl who was all bubbly and smiling here and there,
i think I still do it, but I dont feel the sincerity nowadays.
My friends seem to be happy and I m glad for them.
But sadly,I dont feel the happiness.
You gave me everything and yet I can't seem to be grateful enough.
Please forgive me.
My days here are becoming messier and messier,I wake up so late and take my bath.Then,if I'm lucky enough I get to go to class with the girls.
i still cant blend in,Im trying,I am,please dont look down on me,Im trying.
And if I'm not,i'll go to class all alone,from the asrama,I'll walk all the way to mahattah raml(train station raml),and hop on to stop at mahattah gama'ah,and again i'll walk again to muassah(our current universiti).
And the journey is uber far!
and when you are alone,the journey becomes even more further.
and when I come back home,I'll be restless and do stuff that usually leads me in doing unnecessary things,i used to say to a besties of mine,
"maybe you should reduce in making excuses and make a move"
and right now,Im doing it.
so right after school,i return home or go and visit friends and end up the night at theirs.but the routine is the same,and my ruhiyy feels tired.
I feel like im stranded on an island , and right now,it raining heavily.How I wish, I could run to that someone,embrace that person and cry my heart out.
I can now hear clearly my sisters, my brother's, and my aunt's voice.My first time skyping home, and I surely miss home, so much.
The smell of my house, the noisiness of the adikadik fighting, laughing, giggling and the loving biah we live in.
We are not so expressive and sometimes I'm mad towards myself because, I get so many but I always feel ungrateful, astaghfirullah.
Tomorrow will be a big test for us,Alexandrians freshmans, since its our first and foremost welcoming exam, so I'm a little scared although I know Allah has layed the results in luh mahfuz, way before I went out of my mother's womb.But I still seek for a good result, to please Him, being a good muslim medical student and to please people that I love.
I want to be a doctor for the sake of Allah.
Its a big thing, but I'm sure of that, InshaAllah.Please pray for me and my dear sahabats too :)
We started the journey with bismillah, and we headed straight away to muhafazah(state) giza where ahram(pyramids) were built.There were bascially 3 big pyramids in the area, and the inventions of pyramids at first was as a graveyard for the dead bodies.But later on, it was for the empire's fame.So in the end, Egypt didnt do pyramids anymore.It came to me,that if we become to greedy of fame and richness, it can harm us in away,we can lose control of our behaviour and act beyond norms.
And then, we moved on to muhafazah fusthot, here, Amr Al Asr,the founder of Egypt,one of Rasulullah's sahabat, left his tent undetached due to some birds laying there nest on the tent.Later on, people made a small valley around the tent which now became a state called Fusthot, the tent itself now is known as the Masjid of Amr Al Asr.It was amazing, how kind hearted Amru Al Asr was to not shoo the birds away but instead just left the tent as it is.How empathy he was to birds,and reflecting us, as upcoming doctors,we need to have that feeling towards all living creatures, be it animal,humans or anything else,as long as it is Allah's creations.We stopped for Jamak Zuhr and Asr,and I felt as though I couldnt lift my head up from my sujud.I was so sad, my soul was longing for spirits like Amr Al Asr who lived because of the Deen,my soul longed for the Jannah,my soul longed for Allah.
Moving on, we also went to the Fortress of Salahuddin AlAyyubi,and it was Him who freed Plastine from the Kuffar.We really need a Salahuddin Al Ayyubi in this millenium era, and who knows,it might be your own kid?InshaAllah.We entered the National Museum inside the fortress, and one thing captured my eyes throughout the visit in the museum, how the soldiers of islam back than, showed the identity of islam by even wearing a 'serban' during war!
But alas,what about us?There is no 'literal' war at the moment,yet why is it so hard to show the identity of Islam itself?Why have we lost in the Battle of Nafs?! Why sisters and brothers,why?
And then before we ended the trip with dancing in the crowd in Suk Hussain or better known as Pasar Hussain which was so similar to Jalan TAR.We stopped at Imam Shafie's Tomb at Masjid Imam Al Syafie and again i couldnt stop but let my eyes water.How great Imam Syafie was and how he was great with Allah's please.
I would like to memorize hadith as much as I want,
I would love to memorize the whole Quran and understand it with my heart,
I would love to learn Arabic by heart and understand it as the Quran speaks of Allah's words,
I would love to gain knowledge as much as I can,
I would like to be as great as the mother of Imam Syafie'e and give birth to such a great child
I would love too so much
this humble slave pleads for your inayah and forgiveness
And we ended the whole chapter in Cairo by performing solah in Masjid Al Azhar, a place known for its rich in knowledge and 'ulama.
May my sujud for today be sincere because of You.
And I got a phone call from malaysia!
My mum and dad called and I got to hear Ahmad too,my dad wanted me to go to Tahrir Square,and I did,well we were on the bus and we couldnt go down due to the zahmah.
So sorry Abah,I'll take pictures of the Tahrir Square next time,I love you all!
I have been in Alexandria city for almost a week and everything is sailing smoothly and safely.Just after landing in Cairo for a few hours,we moved on to Alexandria hurriedly using a bus and reached there 3 hours later.Imagine being cramped in the plane for 8 hours,and then being stuffed in the bus for 3 hours!
the smell of the surroundings is just fine,it smelt like mecca so I surely do miss mecca so much!The sound of people chit chatting around me in Arabic soothes me and I think I'm used to it and now the honking of cars anywhere are just like a hit song on the radio!Amazingly,they have traffic lights but they rarely use it so in other words,they dont use traffic light,and so,during zahamah(busy) hours the cars fall in a major traffic congestion but it happens in Malaysia too right?
Expect the worst.
What more do you expect than just be grateful of having to land in the land of Moses and also a land that used to have the respected Hassan AlBanna,Umar Tilmisalni and loads more amazing and cool people who live their life for the sake of the Deen.
Tomorrow,we'll be going to Cairo for a trip.Doakan agar saya tajdid niat dan pergi berjaulah ke sana kerana Allah :)